Attitude to manipulation

In everyday life, negative manipulations are more common, as a result of which the concept of “manipulation” is practically identified with “negative manipulation”. Fear of manipulation (“I can be manipulated!”) is one of the most common phobias, along with xenophobia, homophobia (irrational hatred of homosexuals) and sectophobia (fuck being dragged into a totalitarian sect). Mostly women have a negative attitude towards manipulations, they use them more often than men.

Exploring how fellow psychologists define the concept of “manipulation” and, accordingly, what attitude they express towards this practice, it is easy to highlight the difference in approaches, namely, to highlight the approaches:

• psychotherapeutic

The psychotherapeutic approach focuses primarily on how the use of manipulation affects the mental health of the manipulator and those around him.

• social

The social approach is interested in what and when manipulations are socially (worldly and businesslike) justified and useful, and what and when are unjustified and harmful.

• moralizing

The moralistic approach is not interested in the business implications of manipulation, nor in the mental health effects of the use of manipulation; this approach simply, without any justification, asserts that manipulation is bad. It’s bad, because it doesn’t correspond to morality, and whoever doesn’t understand this is an immoral person himself …

It can be confidently stated that the attitude to manipulation largely depends on the type of practical work of the author. Namely, psychologists-psychotherapists usually deal with those who suffer from dishonest manipulations of others or, mechanically manipulating others, have destroyed the living principle in themselves. Observing first of all such clients, they treat manipulations almost unambiguously negatively.

Managerial psychologists, in the practice of their work, dealing with healthy and successful people who flexibly use a variety of influence techniques and respond to them, are more flexible in assessing manipulations.

As for the moralizers, the really businesslike people, like the real practicing psychotherapists, rarely fall into this category. More often here you can meet teachers and philosophizing doctors. See details →

Male and female

Women are more likely than men to have a negative attitude towards manipulation. They use them more often. As one of the possible explanations, it must be taken into account that women sincerely do not see their manipulations. See →

The main reasons for the negative attitude to manipulation

The attitude towards manipulations is usually negative, while the grounds and “quality” of this negativity are very different.

The main reasons due to which the attitude towards manipulation is usually negative:

• The practice of manipulation does not correspond to ideas about what relationships between people should be. See Mustnanism.

Human relations is an everyday idea of ​​what relations between people should be, namely: with respect, kindness, attention and responsiveness. As a rule, the content is close to what is described by the concept of the maternal model of love.

• Dislike hostility and negativity realized in manipulation
• Don’t like partner advantage
• Neurotic fear of manipulation: phobias

The practice of manipulation does not correspond to ideas about what relationships between people should be.

This is one of the most serious reasons, and is more characteristic of the female consciousness. Women are convinced that loving women in a relationship do not pressure, train or manipulate. The reasons for this conviction, in particular, are that a woman, when she herself presses, trains and manipulates, does it unconsciously, without noticing it herself, and the actual experience is love and care. See →

Dislike hostility and negativity

In everyday life, negative manipulations are more common, as a result of which the concept of “manipulation” is practically identified with “negative manipulation”.

In this case, the wording is used: «Manipulation is a deception, forcing a person to make a decision that is unfavorable for him.»

At the same time, it’s not the manipulations themselves that are bad, but the fact that there is a lot of hostility and negativity in people’s relations. In families and groups where people treat each other positively, hidden influences are also not uncommon, but they have the character of positive manipulations, are understood and rather welcomed.

Don’t like partner advantage

It should be taken into account that any interaction between people causes some feelings of a person bypassing or against his conscious control, and manipulation is not the very fact of calling a person’s feelings, intentions and states around or against his conscious control, but the fact that this is who He deliberately creates something, takes it into account and uses it. The other gets an advantage that we don’t have. And they usually don’t like it.

Interesting: in everyday communication they will tell you that you are manipulating if they feel that in this communication you have some goals and you want to get something in communication, to achieve.

In everyday communication, it is somehow not customary to think why you are saying something. «We are talking». And if someone speaks not just like that, but with a purpose, they will most likely respond disapprovingly about him: “He is manipulating!”

Moreover, if you perform similar actions not in everyday, but in business communication (communication), then this is no longer called manipulation, there it is the norm of communication.

Neurotic fear of manipulation: phobias

A negative attitude towards manipulation in people with an increased level of hostility and anxiety turns into a phobia. Fear of manipulation (“I can be manipulated!”) is one of the most common phobias, along with xenophobia, homophobia and sectophobia.

The more neurotic a person is, the more often he uses manipulation (usually without realizing it) and the more he fears manipulation. Exactly because he is afraid of everything. Hence the definitions: «Manipulation is what turns us into a toy in the hands of its author.» Mentally healthy people treat manipulation as a tool — dangerous in some hands, saving in others.

We are together, we have a common task. It’s hard for me… If a partner openly formulates my tasks, it’s certainly good, but I need to organize myself myself. And if the partner quietly pushes me to work, imperceptibly aroused my desire, carried me away and involved me, then he took part of my work on self-organization on himself. He manipulated me, but it was in our common interests, and for that I thank him!