At school I found out that children in the 4th grade were already drinking, I wanted to interrogate my son, but my wife-psychologist stopped me: I am sharing with you her position on how to explain to a child that alcohol is evil

I would never have thought that I would be worried about such issues until one day I had a chance to attend a parent-teacher meeting at school.

There, a social pedagogue and a juvenile affairs inspector very emotionally vying with each other talked about “where the youth is heading”, and how many children are registered due to various episodes of alcohol and drug intoxication, including from the parallel of my son.

To say that I was shocked is to say nothing, because my son is only in the 4th grade. He came from the meeting and immediately gave the child an interrogation with predilection. Well, the wife-psychologist stopped in time.

It turns out that she is already aware of what is happening and even knows how to further build the educational process. Everything that I remember from our conversation with her, I will write further, suddenly it will come in handy for someone.

Story from my subscriber Cyril.

The best parenting is a personal example

First of all, the wife opened the refrigerator and pointed to Baltika 7. Like, what do you want from your son, if you yourself often indulge in beer. And then she lucidly explained that children try to imitate adults in everything and words that are at odds with action are worthless.

I remember, as a child, my father tried to explain to me that alcohol is a poison, pouring vermouth into his glass. I didn’t really believe him then.

If you find it difficult to completely give up alcohol, then at least make it so that the child does not see you with a bottle or in an intoxicated state.

Otherwise, all your lectures, threats and abuse will be tantamount to empty air shaking. However, children should not be underestimated. If the child does not see how you drink, but regularly sees the drunken antics of dad, this is not an option.

How to explain all the disadvantages of drunkenness

Before an anti-alcohol conversation with a child, it is better to prepare in advance and answer the question yourself: “Why is drinking a bad thing?”. The main arguments are, of course, the lack of self-control and all the horrors that occur in the body after drinking alcohol.

Pick up as many colorful examples from real life as possible, when alcohol broke people’s lives. For my son, I found a couple of “thrillers” on the Internet about cirrhosis of the liver and accidents with drunk drivers, after watching which I myself seriously thought about a sober lifestyle.

Yes, and another important point. Try to keep the conversation as natural as possible without instructive intonations and memorized phrases. To be listened to, the relationship must be trusting.

How to deal with the fact that the forbidden fruit is sweet

Prohibitions are difficult to achieve mutual understanding. This especially does not work with teenagers who want to prove to everyone that they have already grown up and have their own opinion.

By threatening punishment, you will only undermine the remnants of a trusting relationship. The child will still do what he wants, but so that the “boring ancestors” do not know about it.

Quote from psychologist Nikolai Kozlov: “They lie to those who are dangerous to tell the truth.”

If you suddenly discover that your son or daughter is interested in alcohol, then carefully try to find out what this is connected with. Perhaps the child has difficulties in communicating with peers, and he conceived in this way “to join the team.”

Then you should help find the right solution: abandon immoral companies, find strengths in yourself and use them when interacting with society.

Is it worth it sometimes to allow a child to drink so that he knows what it is

Many parents believe: “Let it be better with dad at home under supervision than it is not known where, what, with whom and for how much.”

But if you carefully read the previous text that I scribbled, you immediately noticed a discrepancy with the main rule: a wise father educates by personal example, which means he does not drink alcohol. So with what fright to the son to pour?

Another moment when you know that a group of teenagers is gathering at your house and maybe (or even most likely) a drink is planned.

No need to sternly threaten that you will follow, no need to sniff and search, ban and disperse. Instead of all this, just tell your child that you have complete trust in him and trust that he will not allow anything that should not be done.

Thus, the answer to the question posed is: “It is not worth allowing to drink, but it is possible and even necessary to allow making an independent decision.” A child who is trusted tries with all his might to justify the trust.

And finally – why in good families children still start drinking

When my wife said who the teacher and the inspector actually had in mind at the parent meeting, at first I did not believe it. It turns out that a girl from a quite decent and intelligent family got into a bad company and was seen drinking alcohol.

My home psychologist voiced a lot of options for why this could happen. Here are some of them:

• lack of attention from parents (cool gadgets and fashionable clothes are not at all what you need);
• excessive guardianship, excessive demands and protest;
• permissiveness, lack of understanding of what is “good” and what is “bad”;
• an attempt to get close to peers;
• negative example in the family.

In general, no matter what the family’s social status, the principles of moral education are the same. I repeat once again that a personal example and trusting relationships work much more efficiently than moralizing and prohibitions.

My wife convinced me of this. Do you have anything to add on this topic? I would appreciate any additions.