How do you decide if both options seem equally good or equally bad? This is told by the writer Regina Brett, the author of aphorisms, the woman who defeated cancer.
What place of study or work do you prefer, in which country to live, with which person? From time to time we are faced with a choice. If one of the options is noticeably better than the other, it’s easy. But if each of them has its pros and cons, making a decision can sometimes be painful. And then someone else’s experience can help us, suggest ways that we ourselves do not yet guess. For example, we can take the advice of the writer Regina Brett, who once faced the question: she had to choose between two jobs — in one she worked for many years and was also offered a raise, the other was closer to the house where she had just moved, getting married. Among her ways to make decisions are quite simple — like making a list, and very exotic — like waiting for a prompt from God.
- List. Write down the pros and cons for each option on a piece of paper. Choose the one with the longest pro list.
- «Shoe fitting». Out of all the possible options, determine the two best ones and try them out throughout the day, like new shoes, to see how they fit. For example, we are considering the possibility of moving to another country. First, we imagine our future life in this other country all day long and listen to our feelings. The next day, imagine how we continue to live in the same place. Usually by the evening of the second day it becomes clear what suits us best.
- Separating facts from speculation. Determine what is known exactly (facts), from various considerations and rumors. Drop the speculation. Then consider only the facts and separate the important from the unimportant. Regina Brett advises to rely only on the important when making a decision: «Assumptions are not allowed.»
- The way of Alcoholics Anonymous is to adhere to the four principles: honesty, purity, selflessness, and love. When members of Alcoholics Anonymous are faced with a choice, they ask themselves the following questions: “Is this true or false?” “Is this right or wrong?” “How will this affect other stakeholders?” “Is it ugly or beautiful?”
- «Board of Directors». Consult with your closest friends. To form our own board of directors from the people we respect the most and pass the decision through them.
- «The Way of the Jesuits». Regina Brett says she learned this from priests she met at a Jesuit chapel in Cleveland, who in turn were taught by the founder of their religious order, St. Ignatius Loyola. Jesuits put aside fears, anxieties and doubts and fully focus on their mission — to pray and serve God. They force themselves to be indifferent to health, wealth, fame and longevity. They desire and choose only that which will help them in their higher service to God and to other people.
- Thoughtful intuition. Consciously ask for clarity and then wait for it. Regina Brett does not explain to whom or what to address her request, but presumably it can be addressed to a higher power, her own subconscious, or in general to no one in particular. This requires inner silence, so sometimes you have to endure until the moment when thoughts, confusion and doubts noisy in your head calm down. “I have learned to wait out the confusion when I feel lost,” notes Regina Brett, and adds: “Confusion and doubt will pass, as turbulence does when you fly on an airplane. I learned not to make any decisions under the influence of despair, fear or fatigue.
- Choosing yourself
This last, seventh method is similar to that of the Jesuits, with the difference that it is also suitable for those who may not have a conscious idea of their own mission in this world and who do not believe in God. However, Regina Brett’s comment may also be important to them: “The main thing is to distinguish whose voice belongs to God and whose voice does not. One priest said that the Holy Spirit speaks like water gently pouring over a sea sponge, while a voice that does not belong to God rumbles like a waterfall crashing against the rocks. Over time, it becomes easier to recognize the voice that does not belong to God. For me, it’s the noise and static inside that fills me with sadness, guilt, or confusion. The voice that makes me feel burdened by life, restless and irritated, does not belong to God. Confusion, noise, and disappointment are the three signs I know it’s time to stop thinking.»
Regina Brett received her answer when she stopped looking for a solution. She just relaxed and trusted that the answer would come when she was ready to hear it. For the weekend, she went to visit her daughter at the college where she studied. And on the way back I already knew the answer. She left her old job and moved to a new one. And she didn’t regret it.