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In order for the boss to be respected, he must certainly be feared? How to assert your authority, but not cross the line and maintain human relations with colleagues?
Assertiveness is the ability to defend oneself, confidently say “no”, while respecting the interlocutor. This is sort of the gold standard for effective behavior in a work environment. But sometimes it is not so easy to draw a line between self-confidence and aggressiveness, especially when it comes to career advancement and the competition that inevitably arises in this process.
However, there are certain rules, adhering to which you can achieve your goals, while saving face.
Hidden aggression is not assertiveness
Aggression is not only an attack on another person, but also a symmetrical response to the one who attacks you. If you succumb to the temptation to answer your “offender” with his own weapon, you risk falling into the abyss of aggression, from which it is then difficult to get out and restore solid ground under your feet. Making unreasonably high demands on others, you, in fact, become one step with the aggressors.
Respect is earned by confident but not aggressive people
If you are calm, ask employees, and do not demand harshly – you are on the right track. The gentle, diplomatic impulse that you communicate to colleagues, allowing them to take the first step themselves, always commands respect and gratitude. This is a sign that you are a good leader – assertive but not aggressive.
Listen to yourself and others
The fundamental difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is awareness. When the work environment heats up and you feel like it’s time to be assertive, try to pause and ask yourself a few questions: “Will I cross the line with my words or actions? If I keep silent now, will it really somehow infringe on my rights? Does this situation affect my career goals or my feelings? By developing this awareness, you can increase the internal distance between the feelings that arise in response to a conflict situation and the actions that you take in connection with them.
Confident but not aggressive people are respected. They do not act under the influence of momentary emotions. Such people are deeply aware of their rights and needs, but at the same time they are always attentive to the needs of others.
Assertive leader: “together, but not instead”
Assertiveness involves active interpersonal interaction.
Aggressive leaders often send the following message to the team: “There are two opinions: mine and the wrong one.” This is very similar to the position of a rebellious teenager, but not the boss.
These leaders ask, “Can you do this by Wednesday?” They are friendly, confident, listen to others and are attentive to the mood in the team. They do not strive for self-affirmation and take into account not only the goals of the team, but also the capabilities of each team member. The manager will try to include everyone in the work, while he himself will invisibly play a leading role. He is more likely to invite cooperation: “Why don’t we discuss how we can better combine our efforts?” – and not put before the fact: “I have experience with this, so let’s do it my way.” This is the principle of working together, but not instead.
Admit your mistakes, but don’t dwell on them
Assertiveness also includes the ability to correctly allocate time, evaluate the results of one’s activities and abandon a losing strategy in time, even if this means admitting defeat.
The natural reaction when your ideas are rejected and criticized is to become defensive. But by agreeing, or at least taking note of the criticism voiced against you, you are more likely to come to an agreement and continue moving forward. Remember that, as a rule, criticism is not directed against you personally, but to achieve the overall goals of the company.
Our state of mind depends on how comfortable we feel in a team.
By using criticism as a tool to improve your personal strategy, you will be able to take a fresh look at your work. Employees who are ready to compromise always look more advantageous in the eyes of the manager. And remember: only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.
Be calm but not timid
The flip side of the tact inherent in assertive people can be shyness. Where is the line where the ability to listen and flexibility in interacting with people begin to seem shy?
If you notice that you are trying to avoid conflict at all costs, apologize where it is not necessary, cannot refuse to do overtime, you are probably a little off track. Assertive behavior is rarely inherent in a person initially, it requires preparation. And by following the rules, you can develop a confident, measured behavior.
For example, if you have an important conversation with your superiors, prepare for it in advance. Imagine what questions you might be asked, and play out the possible answers in your mind. Formulate clearly your arguments and the logic of the defended point of view. This way you will be ready for even unexpected questions and make a positive impression on the leader by defending your point of view.
Remember the goals: not only work, but also life
We often spend most of our time at work. Our state of mind directly depends on how comfortable we feel in a team. Work should not be a race to the bottom. It is hardly possible to completely avoid conflicts. However, by using an assertive style at work, you will be able to achieve career goals while maintaining relationships with colleagues.