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If Westerners have been confused by the concept of original sin for centuries, then in the East, sexual pleasure has always been seen as one of the ways of personal development. Chinese medicine, Indian tantra, Japanese manga – three reasons to remember that we have a lot to learn.
China: prolonging pleasure, prolonging life
Philosophy
Sexual energy, or ching-chi in Chinese, is the most important component of the vital energy of chi, which, according to the East, is much easier to squander than to restore. Therefore, it is worth using this capital extremely carefully, if not sparingly, according to the Taoist sexual science of kung fu.
It originated as a branch of Chinese medicine: the ancient Taoists did not draw a sharp line between the concepts of sexual pleasure and the health of the human body. Her highly sophisticated sexual energy management practices were meant to “strengthen the source of life force in the bedroom.” They are based on delayed ejaculation.
Nearly 3000 years ago, Peng Zu, advisor to Emperor Huang Di, wrote: “After ejaculation, a man becomes tired, his ears are buzzing, his eyes are heavy, and he is very sleepy. He is thirsty and his limbs are weak and cold. When he ejaculates, he gets only short-term pleasure, but then he suffers from exhaustion for many hours.
Self-restraint serves not only to prolong life by avoiding the loss of sexual energy, but also to bring more complete pleasure – to yourself and your partner. This practice has nothing to do with the unnerving withdrawal technique. Just the opposite!
At one time, the ancient Chinese realized that delaying ejaculation, or, even better, avoiding it, gives a different, more refined pleasure, which they called “the light of the soul.” This state leads to the renewal of sexual energy and, consequently, the vitality of a person. Such opening of energy channels at a subtle level requires special delicacy and respect for a partner and is not at all like gymnastic exercises in bed with immediate results.
Practice
The first task is to stimulate vital energy. Acupuncture and cauterization of certain energy points with moxa sticks are used to treat chronic diseases. Massage, essential oils and breathing exercises serve to eliminate temporary disturbances.
Chinese energy practices are also applied directly during intercourse in order to delay the onset of ejaculation. This requires preliminary training in massage techniques and various positions – depending on age and health status.
Techniques for a long time were available only to initiated Taoists. They sought to develop the consciousness of the energy body, for which they used special practices and exercises, especially breathing, requiring skill and perseverance.
During intercourse, the ancient Taoists practiced deep breathing and kept pleasure under control.
Taoists paid special attention to the movement of energy along the “microcosmic orbit” of our body, consisting of the Back and Front channels. The back starts from the perineum, goes along the spine to the crown of the head and ends under the upper lip, and the front follows from the tip of the tongue along the midline of the body down back to the perineum.
During intercourse, the ancient Taoists practiced deep breathing, combining its rhythm with the movements of the pelvis and using the muscles of the perineum, kept pleasure under control. As his teacher Su Niu explained to Emperor Huang Di 3000 years ago, the most famous technique of the “nine strikes” is to “perform nine superficial strikes, then one deep, and coordinate each strike with breathing.”
Qigong exercise to increase sexual energy
Standing position, feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, hands on hips, deep breathing. Make 50 back and forth pelvic movements, and then 25 pelvic circles in each direction. Try to keep your shoulders and head still. Repeat the entire set of movements. This exercise is best done two to three times a day.
“Femininity is active acceptance”
Daniel Flomenbaum, gynecologist
“Femininity is acceptance and receptivity in action. So many women reproduce the pattern learned in childhood, when we passively accept the love of our parents, not even knowing that we exist separately from it.
Knowing how to accept a man with soul and mind, they do not know how to accept him in sex. Their mothers did not pass on to them the idea that the encounter with the other takes place inside their body and that in order for this encounter to truly take place, this penetration must be desired.
Unable to feel this call in themselves and even less able to show their desire, they continue to be afraid of the male member and rather allow themselves to make love than make it themselves. It is very difficult to open up sexually if your parents did not let you feel how much energy sexuality gives!
This is the secret: male and female are two very powerful vital energies. A man should be able to draw strength from a woman’s body, nourish his feminine component with it, and not only relieve internal stress with it.
In turn, a woman must decide to express a desire to accept a man into herself and feel how pleasant it is. Contrary to popular belief, female receptivity is not passive. When a woman understands this, another world opens up to her – the world of adult life.
India: Revive Sexuality in Tantra
Philosophy
The magic of ancient Indian love instructions and the explicit sexuality of Tantric texts and images have always fascinated the West. But the dive into the depths of one’s true nature, which true tantra bestows on followers, seems to be of much less interest to the curious than the temptations of love that are exotic to the West.
It is with them that tantra is most often associated in our minds. This is how she appears at numerous tantric trainings and seminars. But even the superficial and simplified views of “Western Tantra” give an idea of the essence of genuine philosophy, bear reflections of its original ideas and concepts.
French psychologist Margot Anand, who was educated in Asia and founded skydancing tantra (literally, “skydance tantra”), calls tantric rituals “the yoga of love.” For her, it is primarily “the art of consciously choosing what brings us the greatest pleasure and allows us to open the gates of the spirit.”
Welcome to another world where sex is used to go beyond sexuality. In this world, there is no “stimulating” exchange of partners, no bizarre postures.
Everything in it is arranged in such a way as to prolong pleasure and take it beyond the limits of sexual experience, with its help to open the divine part of another person and oneself. Love, respect and tenderness are needed here: a man must be able to control himself in order to prolong foreplay, and a woman must have the courage and talent to take the initiative into her own hands and lead a man.
Practice
It is better to postpone the acquaintance with tantra until the holidays, because it takes time and includes a certain amount of psychotherapy. At first, we are not talking about any sexual activity – only exercises, massage and everything that allows you to better understand the body and the characteristics of sexuality, one’s own and the opposite sex. It also forces you to face deep fears and discover true emotions.
Mutual desire does not always visit partners. To solve this problem, Margo Anand suggests removing unnecessary tension: tenderness, humor and ease of communication bring better results than complaints or demands.
For example, a psychotherapist advises partners to name their genitals and talk to each other on their behalf. Such a third-person conversation helps to express desires and fantasies, but does not hurt the personal feelings of partners. After all, when the organs of the body participate in the dialogue, their owners have no reason to feel hurt or offended – they just laugh.
The ability to control sexual energy begins with the ability to alternate states of tension and relaxation.
Further, with the advent of desire, something that often becomes the cause of disagreement in a couple can arise – the difference in rhythms. The quick desire of a man comes “through the eyes”, manifests itself in an erection and encourages penetration. A woman usually needs more time, she loves to be caressed.
In the practice of tantra, intercourse is not seen as an increasing arousal that ends with a culmination – an orgasm. This is a multi-level exchange between partners – an exchange of feelings, merging and harmonization of energies – which allows you to achieve a more elevated state of consciousness. As in ancient China, the ability to control one’s sexual energy begins here with the ability to alternate between states of tension and relaxation. Delaying orgasm requires special skill, which means training.
Exercise: love ritual
If the vacation is far away, the couple can start by setting aside one evening a week for themselves – without household members and children. Turn your bedroom into a little temple of love – with candles, incense, soft music… Take a shower to wash away all the emotions of the day, then have a light dinner to tune in a different way. The first exercise can be the “love salutation”: with your hands together on your chest, greet each other in respect for the divine part of your partner (“I pay you my respects and salute your whole being”). Then you can proceed to exercises, massage, etc.
“A man must be present for real”
Jacques Ferber is a lecturer at the University of Montpellier, France, a cognitive scientist, meditation and tantra practitioner.
“Two big traps lie in wait for a man: trying to control a “car woman” by pressing the right buttons, hoping to get the desired result, or worrying about his own “indicators” – about always being on top, not reaching the finish line too quickly, have a great erection.
This obsession with our goals and thoughts separates us from the woman and shuts us off from our own feelings. A woman feels this and withdraws into herself. The cure for this problem is called “presence.” Presence is an internal attitude in which we are fully invested in what we are doing at the moment, without reasoning and evaluation that would take us into the past or into the future.
“Being here and now” means not wanting anything and allowing yourself to just do what comes naturally in the depths of our being. A good lover does not “show a good result”, he is simply present and available for himself and for a woman, rooted in reality, accepting his gender and listening to his partner.
To develop this sense of presence, the easiest way is to use caresses: to turn completely into your fingers, as if they were endowed with a life of their own. Then, by connecting to your heart or sexual desire, let your hands live their lives and go where they feel good. Then they themselves will find the right way to establish relationships.
In women, such problems occur less often. If it is not cut off from its own body, it is naturally present in itself. The movements of the body bring her into a state of self-forgetfulness and radiance. The more she opens up and surrenders to the caresses of her partner, the more she shines and the more touches the man, to whom her beauty reveals the goddess in her.
Japan: manga, modern
Initiation
The Newlyweds Chronicles, an anime film directed by Moriyama Yuuji based on the Japanese comic book manga Futari Ecchi, dedicates millions of young Japanese people to the joys and vicissitudes of mature sexual relationships. In general, our ideas about the sexual life of the Japanese come down to two contradictory clichés: either the inhabitants of the Land of the Rising Sun seem to us to be harsh puritans and frigid ascetics, or we are convinced of the opposite by watching Nagisa Oshima’s disturbing “Empire of Senses”, watching Japanese hentai anime on the Internet, or Watching Memoirs of a Geisha by Rob Marshall.
The erotic anime “Chronicles of the Honeymooners” not only expands our understanding of the sexuality of the Japanese, but also reveals it from an unexpected point of view. The two 25-year-old heroes of Futari Ecchi, like millions of young people around the world, strive for harmonious and sexually fulfilling relationships, but for this they lack the experience and knowledge.
Сюжет
The girl Yura and the boy Makoto got married, being virgins. And now they have to learn the joys of sex, learn new things and deal with sudden difficulties both in bed and in relationships. Manga author Katsu Aki strongly disagrees that Futari Ecchi has purely erotic overtones. He interprets his work as a reflection on sexuality, a colorful illustration of the relationship between two young and inexperienced people.
Sex is not only getting pleasure, but also the desire to deliver it to a partner
At first, Makoto appears before us simply as a young male, always aroused, suffering from premature ejaculation and not very embarrassed by this. But Yura’s love, as well as the wise advice of his friends, help him understand that sex is not only a pleasure, but also a desire to deliver it to a partner.
Yura, on the other hand, seems to the audience an incredibly pretty and charming girl, someone will even call her an ideal wife, since she supports her husband in everything and is always ready for sexual experiments. Perhaps it is precisely because of this that the frank “Chronicles of the Newlyweds” does not allow us to call them just an erotic movie: it speaks of partners’ respect for each other and the ability to listen. In Japan, the Futari Ecchi manga has been a huge success, with over XNUMX million copies sold so far. Are we in line?