Contents
Arnau Vendrell: “Forgiveness is reserved for the bravest souls”
Psychology
In his book «Living inside» the «conversion psychologist», Arnau Vendrell, gives the keys to improve our relationships with others without forgetting oneself
Did you know that in Spain alone there are more than 11 million annual searches on Google on “how to be happy”? The WHO estimates that there are currently around 320 million people who suffer from depression since the frenzy of today’s society and the need for urgency have made us lose contact with ourselves, to such an extent that we do not know how to help ourselves, alleviate our pain or be okay”.
You can live a long life and it isn’t worth it, just like you can be a very successful person and not recognize themselves in that success. Social pressures, haste and abundant superficiality make us lose touch with what is really important: yourself. Our own happiness has been delegated to thoughts, to other people, in general to the external, and we have become disempowered. How many things do you not do for fear of what they will say? What if you were able to remove that pain with a stroke of the pen? How would you feel without that thought? How many times do you feel that enjoying your day is difficult? “Only when we are truly able to look inward with love, burying the hatchet with our mind and pursuing bliss as the ultimate goal, can we feel what Mae West said when she said: ‘You only live once, but if you live well, once is enough ‘”, says Arnau Vendrell, author of”Live inside», A book that provides you with the tools so that you can develop yourself emotionally and mentally.
Arnau Vendrell, entrepreneur and expert in conversion psychology, collects all your experiences, reflections and learnings on how to help yourself, stop being afraid and improve our relationship with others. Regarding the latter, he wants to differentiate several points that make us better with the rest: empathic listening, knowing how to say “no” and interdependence, Among others.
He says in “Living Inside” that “empathic listening is the basis of human relationships.” How do we improve the way we listen to others?
Basically with a genuine interest in the other person. Have you ever seen a person who asks you something, but what he is waiting for is to say his answer? Well, basically the opposite. Only when we stop trying to subdue the other person with our ideas, thoughts, and prejudices, can we open ourselves to listening and learning. What is more powerful than admitting that the other person is right? In the words of Maria Teresa of Calcutta, “If you judge people, you don’t have time to love them.”
Why is it that when we say ‘yes’ it is not necessary to add anything else and, nevertheless, it is necessary to justify a ‘no’?
‘Yes’ is an answer that implies an alignment with the other party, so the justification is unnecessary. The other person has achieved their goal. On the contrary, the ‘no’ is a confrontation and we must understand at what point we justify ourselves to give clarity to the answer or for fear of what it will say. We are very little used to this type of situation and sometimes because we don’t look bad at the moment, we end up experiencing ‘worse’ moments simply because we are not clear, because we are not consistent with ourselves. Saying ‘no’ is an act of greatness.
And are you considering forgiving an act of weakness?
Forgiving is the greatest act of force that exists in humanity. Leo Roskin used to say: ‘The cruel is the weak, kindness can only be expected from the strong’. Imagine someone like Viktor Frankl, who was tortured for years in concentration camps, and who finally forgave his captors. Isn’t that hard to imagine? Exactly for that, for the greatness of the act. I don’t know if not forgiving is a manifestation of the ego, but without a doubt forgiveness is reserved for the bravest souls.
He dedicates a section in his book to training “good hosts.” Would you know how to differentiate the one who does things for his own benefit from the one who is driven to do good to others?
Personally, I consider that the important thing is not to assess the host’s motives, but my own, because I am the only one who can change that. I would ask myself, am I acting to do things well or to please others? Am I capable of non-judging a person who does things to please? How could I make this situation better?
In the pages of your book you talk about independence and interdependence, how would you define them?
Interdependence is a post-independence state. In other words, being interdependent implies being independent (but not the other way around). For example, being able to contribute genuine ideas in the development of a project does not imply that they know how to collaborate in its correct performance. Or a more mundane example: that you can live alone does not imply that you can do it as a couple as two free people who love and choose each other. These could be some of the questions that you would have to answer yourself: «In which areas am I dependent? And independent? And which are interdependent? Do I live alone or do I seek to make plans with others? Do I like to give to someone else or to give myself?