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Brother and sister: they are like cat and dog!
« I’m sick of hearing you arguing all day! ‘. ” But when are you going to stop bothering your little sister? “” No, I don’t want to know who started it, I want calm! »
Do you recognize yourself? Admit that since the little second (or even the third) came enrich your family, rare are the days when you do not hear them arguing. Often for trifles. Little things that lead to anger on one side or the other. From Conflicts that end up getting on your nerves, especially when these arguments send you back to your own childhood memories and conflicting relationships with your older sister or younger brother.
Accept conflicts between brother and sister
As Catherine Domontail-Kremer *, family consultant, points out, we have had to sibling conflict a distorted image. ” The conflict is not negative, on the contrary, it allows a deepening of the relationship. It gives the protagonists the opportunity to accept themselves as they are and not to live on the illusion that the other is only what we would like him to be. In this context, we should perhaps avoid seeking at all costs the absence of conflict between our children. In short, conflict is one of the life learning.
By arguing, your children learn what a confrontation which results (most of the time) in negotiation. Those sibling relationships help them to build themselves up, to get to know themselves better.
What is our role in the event of a conflict?
Even if they have need to argue, still be on the alert as soon as you hear the tone rising or the doors slam! Because there is no question, under the pretext that “it makes you grow”, to let a child become the scapegoat the other. In this case, do not hesitate to show that you are there, listening, attentive. Without imposing “your” solution to the conflict between them, ask them if you can help them resolve the problem they are facing.
Listen to each of their points of view and, of course, avoid taking sides with one or the other. Help them in the search for a solution to the “conflict” (to the argument, the fight…) and leave the room leaving them to fend for themselves. Yes, on their own. After all, when you argue with your spouse, you don’t necessarily want a third person to come. play mediators, no ?
And we turned the argument into a game?
Le your ride around the Barbie doll received as a gift by the eldest and coveted by the younger. Whether you replace the word “Barbie” with “game console”, “DVD”, “piece of cake”, The result is the same : two children fighting over the same object. Rather than trying to resolve the conflict, why not get in on the game as well? ” If, for example, you grabbed that coveted item and started running, you would turn the argument into a game. Suddenly, you would become the coveted item. This form of intervention ends with a general heckling, laughter being an emotion that allows tensions to be released, you will kill several birds with one stone with this form of playful resolution. »Insists the family consultant.
* Catherine Dumonteil-Kremer is author of:
Set limits for your child.
She has published the book: Brother-sister relations, from conflict to encounter, ed. Youth.