To the article «How to determine if it’s love or falling in love?» the girl left a comment: “What to do with self-respect if they only use your gifts?” — I answer: “Dear girl, do not deceive yourself: if you give something, you will be happy if a person uses it. If you want to get something for your gifts, this is completely normal, just don’t call it gifts, this is a normal deal. You to me — I to you. And love has nothing to do with it.”
Love can be different, love can be both a gift and a deal, an exchange agreement. Transactions are more common, but outwardly they are usually presented as a gratuitous donation. This is a delusion or deception.
A deal is an agreement between business people when one provides what is needed to another in exchange for what he himself needs. «You for me, I for you.»
We heard how girls sometimes say: «I gave him my love, but he is a scoundrel …». Did she really give? Let’s figure it out together.
Giving, for example, love, a cake, care, a bottle of wine — this means for free, that is, free of charge. I give you, but you don’t owe me anything in return. Correctly?
And if the other “must”, then this is no longer a donation, but an exchange agreement, an unspoken agreement of exchange.
Why silent? Because it’s accepted. Thinking that you are giving is more pleasant and romantic. But behind the scenes, a person proposes to change. For example, to be honest, when a girl and a guy meet, the following tacit agreement is often discussed … Girl: “I love you (sex), and you give me attention, care, feeling “like behind a stone wall”, well, you can — financing” . A young man, as a rule, agrees to sex, to everything else if possible. More often, of course, the opposite is true. The young man offers care, attention, understanding, romance, in the hope of getting…what? That’s right, sex. But, of course, this is not directly discussed. Therefore, there is not just a two-way exchange, but also a two-way deception. Out loud, everyone seemed to be going to give, but in fact — to change.
Change is okay. I give you something, in return I get what I need. All people change in some way; all trade and business relations are built on this. But why call it love?
Can love be a gift? Does Love come with a capital letter? Yes, it happens, see Love-giving. But such love is rare. Love is, in principle, a rare thing between people …
Note that the transaction does not exclude donation at all. We can have a deal at the heart of the relationship, I enjoy receiving from you, but I receive it in order to give you more. If for me the main thing is not to receive, but to give, then even if there is some kind of exchange, this is more of a gift, and not just an exchange and not just a transaction.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.