Chloe Jannings-White is a wheelchair user, although she is perfectly capable. He suffers from apotnophilia (also known as BIID – body integrity identity dis order), i.e. a condition in which patients recognize their limbs as foreign.
Chloe, 58, dreams of being disabled. For a long time, she even thought about how she could become disabled. It’s all because of apotnophilia – a mental disorder that makes Chloe feel like her legs are foreign.
Apotemnophilia is a type of masochism. Affected people feel that their limbs should not function properly, recognize them as foreign and, in extreme cases, want amputation. In some cases, BIID is sexual in nature and patients believe that only after amputation they will be able to enjoy intercourse.
Chole has always felt that her legs are not what they should be. One of the children at her school was paralyzed due to polio. Chole felt there was something wrong with her because she wasn’t paralyzed herself. At the age of nine, she deliberately avoided vaccination in the hope that she would also get sick, but that did not happen. Another time it led to a bicycle accident which luckily left only a few bruises.
This experience scared her enough that she gave up deliberate attempts to mutilate herself – she wanted “only” broken legs and was afraid that she might do something more serious to herself. Subconsciously, however, she was looking for danger – she kept climbing trees. She had several different fractures in total when she was a teenager.
For many years Chloe kept her condition a secret, but whenever she was left alone, she pretended to be paralyzed. “I bandaged my legs and made makeshift rails out of rulers and tracks from a toy train.”
In 1991, Chloe moved to Utah and began skiing extensively, secretly relying on an accident. «I felt fantastic. Sometimes I fell on purpose, but my experience with the bicycle has taught me not to go too far ».
In 2006, Chloe met her great love – Danielle. «We fell in love instantly. Danielle proposed on the second date and I said
A month before the wedding, Chloe had a real accident in which she slightly injured her back. She didn’t need orthopedic splints, but she ordered them online anyway. Afraid of what her partner would think when she saw her new addition, she finally confessed the truth. «I told her it lasted my whole life and I couldn’t stop. She was shocked, but when I told her it was the only way to be happy, she promised to support me ”.
In 2008, the women jointly ordered a wheelchair. “The first time I sat on it, I felt that this was it,” recalls the woman. “Something in my brain tells me my legs shouldn’t work.” From then on, the woman always used a pram at home.
In 2009, Chloe had a car accident, but somehow got out unscathed. This gave her the opportunity to start using the wheelchair outside the house – everyone knew about her accident, but told no one but Daniele that she was okay.
Chloe wants to go even further and is looking for a specialist who would agree to have the spinal cord cut. So far, she managed to find one doctor, but the surgeon estimated the cost of the procedure at PLN 16. pounds – a sum that the woman is unable to pay.