When we talk about overprotectiveness, funny images of restless parents pop up in our heads: they make the child wear three layers of clothes for a walk or ask him what he wants to eat every five minutes. And it just seems funny or cute. What is the reason for this behavior of adults and how does it affect children?
What is commonly understood by overprotection? Excessive care and control over the child. Such a model of parental behavior is often associated with the fact that mom or dad experience a strong sense of anxiety — they are afraid for the child and regard many things as a threat to his life. Therefore, they limit his freedom of action.
Why is it so difficult for parents to notice this trait in themselves? They take care of the child, wish him the best, and society supports them in this. And anxiety in this picture of the world acquires beautiful features — although in fact it is a sign of an unresolved internal problem of the parent.
Many adults do not work on themselves, and the birth of a child becomes a convenient solution to this problem — their anxiety is simply «transferred» to him. If this is left unattended, then overprotection will lead to depressing consequences.
Consequences of overprotection
Overprotection is when a child is deprived of the opportunity to develop independently. Mom prefers to speak for the child, to do for him, to choose for him. Thus the will of the little man is suppressed, and in the end he cannot dress himself, wash his hands properly, or even eat with a spoon.
The child must go through all the stages of growing up, but he is deprived of this — yes, physiologically he grows, but begins to lag behind in development at the psycho-emotional level. He becomes insecure and at some point will experience great stress — for example, when he gets into a completely different world of kindergarten or school.
He won’t know how to communicate his needs and will have to eat the porridge he’s allergic to
Or he will have a fight with a new friend, because he does not know how to share and play together. Of course, in kindergarten, the environment itself will force him to learn new skills, but at the end of the day he will return home again, where everything is done for him. It is difficult for children to live on such a «swing» and keep up with their peers, so the child will forever be in the ranks of the lagging behind.
The task of conscious parents is to give the child the opportunity to develop on his own. In particular, teach him new skills through mistakes.
Imagine: a child builds a pyramid, but it keeps collapsing. Instead of seizing the initiative, the parent should allow him to try different options, supporting him: «Take a break and think about what else you can do.» But in no case do not build anything for him. It’s easier and faster to help, but in this way the baby loses his own experience.
family pedestal
A child is not equal to an adult and only learns to make decisions. Therefore, when parents put him on a pedestal, satisfying even unformed desires, they develop unhealthy egocentrism in him.
To avoid this, you need to build a clear hierarchy, according to which all decisions in the family are made by adults. For example, a child does not go to the store himself and does not buy groceries. Nutrition should be monitored by parents who teach the child to healthy eating habits — and buy vegetables and fruits without excuses «he will refuse to eat them.»
Here you have to show willpower
A child with whims and scandals alone can subjugate adults, taking the main role in the family. But the daily routine, nutrition, education — only mom and dad should deal with these and many other issues.
If you do not notice the craving for hyper-custody in time, then the child may grow up with a distorted perception of the world in which everyone owes him. So distorted that some children may punch their mother in the face or call their grandmother names.
Of course, it is especially difficult for the mother to separate from the baby: she spent nine months with him and all the time thinks that without her he will not be able to cope with anything. But he needs it himself. If the pattern of behavior is too difficult to change, then you should contact a specialist. The main thing is not to ignore this problem.