Anton Buslov: “Cancer is the best thing that happened to me this year”

One deputy at the end of 2012 said that it would be better for society to cure ten of those who “return to duty” than to spend the same money on one cancer patient who will die anyway. This statement only spurred our desire to meet the man who struck us with the power of his message: “Don’t write us off. There are many of us, and we know how to live!” Yes, Anton is sick and undergoing treatment, but his life is not limited to this. On the contrary, he lives in a way that many healthy people cannot afford! When we called, he made an appointment for the next day, although it was Saturday, and arrived at the editorial office after a working meeting at which he discussed the organization of urban transport. Together with oncopsychologist Vyacheslav Janston, we asked Anton about what is in his life today: about work, relatives, treatment, doctors and Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which requires a lot of attention, time and effort from him, but to which his life is not at all reduced …

Psychologies : You were in the mayor’s office on public affairs, and not on personal ones?

Anton : The mayor’s office of Moscow is completely uninterested in my cancer, and it’s good that it is. They are interested in me as an expert on transport issues, we discussed a lot and left satisfied. I don’t need to talk to the mayor’s office about my health. Why do people around know that someone has cancer? There is a person, and he is important in itself, and illness is just one of the circumstances, nothing more. It makes no sense, in my opinion, to make a global story out of this.

Vyacheslav : That is, you would not like to once again touch on the topic of your own health?

Anton : From what. These are simply questions of a different, private nature. As if you were asking me if I had a good breakfast or if my head hurts. My cancer is about the same story. Yes, I have lymphoma, so what? Relatives, friends, acquaintances, having learned about the diagnosis, are much more frightened than the patient himself, they begin to think, invent, fantasize, mentally worsen the prognosis …

Vyacheslav : I have to deal with the fact that people, having learned about the diagnosis, consider it a sentence or punishment from heaven …

Anton : Yes! The first section that I saw on the site dedicated to lymphoma is called just that – “Why do I need this?”. But I didn’t even look there, but immediately went further, where it was discussed what to do with the disease. Searching for the causes of cancer is obviously a losing and crazy occupation, and a cancer patient does not have much time: he needs to do something more useful for himself or society.

Vyacheslav : Many people, even after recovery, reflect on the topic of what happened to them and why. For myself, I explain this by the fact that for them the questions of meaning and being have always been relevant, and then another reason turned up.

Anton : The question of life and death is before all absolutely people. But for those who constantly think about why we live, cancer greatly changes the picture of the world. And for a person like me, who does not go into philosophical questions very much, illness is rather just a fact. Once a doctor recommended that I read Remarque’s book Life on Borrowed. At the next consultation, we quickly scattered the results of the analyzes, and then began to discuss why Remarque “leaked” the final. I think a lot of people miss Hodgkin’s lymphoma in their lives. Well, or some other very serious problem, so that they finally begin to live, and not exist out of habit. I am sure that for this many people have to get cancer.

How did you feel when you heard the diagnosis?

Anton A: I immediately had a lot of questions. By that time I was offended by doctors. It so happened that I was in the infectious diseases department for three weeks and realized that I was being treated in a wrong way. I insisted on additional examinations, saying that I would find funds if the hospital did not have them. I know that many people are afraid to argue with doctors, but I need them not only to tell me what to do, but also to explain why. I can only follow the recommendations that seem logical to me. I also felt anxiety, which then gave way to planning. For me, this is in the order of things: as soon as I begin to understand what the matter is, the anxiety goes away.

See also: How I heard the diagnosis: “cancer”

Do you understand the mechanism of lymphoma?

Anton : I came to this later. First, I had to figure out what oncology is, where it is treated – if in an oncology center, then how to enroll there, whether a Moscow residence permit is needed for this and where to get it. I immediately faced a lot of technical issues that I had to solve in order not to die. A kind of computer quest: go there, find something… In general, patients are most interested in specifics. While I’m sitting in lines, I’m talking to people. These people ask me a million questions that they would love to ask a doctor if he had the time! Everyone is worried, they want to know the details, to talk. Everyone is scared. It seems to me that if a psychologist was sitting in the queue under the guise of a patient, everything would go much better. And how many times have I been asked if my hair falls out after chemotherapy!..

Vyacheslav : It is really often asked on the helpline.

Anton : Why not hang posters on the walls? It would be the most sought after piece of paper that patients see.

What else are patients afraid of?

Vyacheslav : The strongest fear is the fear of death. A woman with the fourth stage of cancer came to our group classes, she was very businesslike, came running from work, then hurried home, she had a large family. And every time she talked about how scared she was not to wake up in the morning, to die after returning from the hospital … But it is not at all necessary that the same fear will overcome another person with the same diagnosis or treatment experience. For many, the theme of death first pops up, then goes away when the treatment is successful. After recovery, many members of the psychotherapy group initially volunteer to help us, but then realize that they cannot. They really want to live for some time without illness and talk about it.

Anton : People try not to think about death, but illness makes them think about it. Sometimes patients are told how much they have left, although doctors prefer not to give predictions.

Vyacheslav : I also think that doctors should not talk about the timing. Where do they get such information from? And does everyone want to know it? Another thing is the diagnosis. Relatives are usually the first to recognize him. The question arises – whether to speak to the patient. I always ask: is it possible not to say? And are they ready to bear the burden of responsibility alone?

Anton : This is a completely ridiculous situation! I know a story when a person was treated and did not know for what: he was told that chemotherapy is prevention. I have a question for such relatives: maybe then they will live for the patient, breathe, walk, eat? As for the forecast, I personally needed a figure, and I am sure that everyone is interested in it. Another thing is that not everyone is able to soberly assess whether they are ready to hear it. My doctor didn’t tell me anything – so I had to rip out the number with pliers, I sent my brother and told him not to return without it. My biggest fear is the unknown. I’m not afraid to die, we will all die. Another thing is that it will be very unpleasant for me to die (so the doctors say), but it is pointless to be afraid of this. Worse, if I do not know how it will be and when.

How to talk to relatives about the disease?

Anton : Illness is a problem for someone who is sick, and he must “moderate” everything that happens around him: relationships with others, his work, communication with doctors, personal life. His duty is to prepare his relatives and society, since cancer is only his misfortune, and he must work with it himself.

Vyacheslav : Not everyone succeeds. Terminal patients often call us to talk: “I won’t talk about the disease with relatives, I don’t want to bring this topic into our relationship.” And they need to communicate. And then there is the theme of death. If a person thought about it, then it is important to talk to him about it, to make it clearer to him what is happening to him now. Understand what problems and fears he projects onto the situation of the disease, what exactly he is afraid of. This is very hard work…

Anton, how do your loved ones support you?

Anton : Good question. The brother says that he goes to the cancer patient to be charged with love of life! I don’t need moral support. Sometimes household help is needed, and I appreciate that at any moment he is ready to provide it. Another thing is that relying on others and knowing that you will be helped is important not only for patients, but for any person.

Vyacheslav : Has something changed in your relationship with your parents?

Anton : Probably, it would be a lie to say that everything has remained as it was. But I would like to think that the changes are minimal. I did not set myself the task of preparing parents, I simply reported the fact. First – that I was in the hospital, then – that I was diagnosed. Perhaps I should have thought more about this. But what was, was. For them, of course, this was bad news. But it so happened that with my whole previous life I prepared them for the fact that anything could happen to me. I exaggerate, of course … Now they see that I am doing everything that is necessary, and it seems to me that they are not so worried. My general line is that the disease has not changed anything fundamentally – neither for me, nor for them, nor in general in this world. By the way, a fundraising campaign was also built. I live and raise money for the continuation of an active, healthy, normal life, and not for salvation. What is the difference? In the atmosphere. In the mood of the people. It’s one thing to chip in for a birth, and another for a funeral.

See also: Experience that can help you live

Tell us how you came up with this promotion.

Anton : It immediately became clear to me that there was only one way to raise money for a medicine that would increase my chances. Either my plan will work and everything will work out, or it won’t work at all. I approached this issue as a marketing challenge. I had to make everyone who takes part in this action happy. I was engaged in making people happy, offering to throw themselves into the continuation of the “party”.

Vyacheslav : What’s the party?

Anton : My life. Someone likes to watch me live. This is the asset that I could put up, and I put it up: “Guys, do you like the way I live? But I will die. If you want me to live on, help me with money. The host of the party set the table, and when the treat was over, everyone chipped in and ran for more.

Your life is really interesting to look at. But if you lived a different life, less active, would you have a chance?

Anton : Each of us has his own assets, and he can try to offer them to society. I have such an asset – social activities, which I am engaged in and I can promise that I will continue to do this. But this does not mean that everyone should now engage only in social activities.

Vyacheslav : For me, Anton’s story is non-standard, unique, probably … I just thought that for many patients an asset is their disease. They try to attach him somewhere, they offer him to everyone: look, I’m sick …

But you understand that we react differently to stress, someone simply may not have the strength to fight.

Vyacheslav : Such people call and ask if they should stop treatment, complain of fatigue … What would you say to them?

Anton : There was an illness, and this is a good reason to change something. There is, of course, the possibility of being unlucky or unlucky ten times in a row. But what’s the point of listing yourself at 5% if the cure for lymphoma is 95%? Why don’t you like these percentages?

Where to look for a resource to overcome fear?

Anton : Only in myself. Someone can help – give an impetus, but, in my opinion, a person either takes care of his life consciously and it goes as he wants, or it “happens” with him. Happened – got a job, did not happen – was left without a job. Such a person simply observes the totality of events that are called his life. And this is not just the case with cancer patients.

Vyacheslav A: Cancer can happen to anyone. Someone, like Anton, will perceive the disease as a quest, a project that needs to be managed, built into life. Others don’t have these features, but there are others, and I usually suggest trying to find them. Psychological help will lie not in the realm of the disease, but in the realm of everyday life: sometimes you just need to return the patient the motivation to live. In addition, someone seeks to get a secondary benefit from the disease – after all, the patient is in the center of attention, they pity him, they forgive him a lot, and he uses it. Then the psychologist, not supporting this pseudo-profit, asks the patient why he needs a disease, why he clings to it so much, what else does he have in life besides the disease.

Anton : Perhaps his problem is not in illness, but in the fact that he has not loved his wife for five years, but is afraid of divorce. And it may turn out that in order to survive, he needs a divorce. Then the forces will appear.

Is there something that you yourself are afraid of?

Anton : I now understand that one should not be afraid of the inevitable. If, for example, an operation is inevitable, there is no point in being afraid of it. And what can be avoided is not constructive to be afraid of. You can fear, prepare, plan. It seems to me that now I am no longer afraid of anything, no matter how pathetic it may sound. By the way, at work too. If I see that they want to “master” 18 billion dollars in road construction, I say so. I’m not scared because it’s less of a problem for me than lymphoma.

What has surprised you in recent months?

Anton A: I was very surprised how bad we are with the application of psychology in practice. If I were psychologists, I would suggest that the director of the oncology center on Kashirka repaint all the walls in bright colors. I call this building the Death Star. It is gray, dull, gloomy… How can people be treated in such a hospital? I would also hang posters with statistics: next to each “clean box” I would place a list of those who were cured here. So that everyone who enters this box for a month sees a sign with the names of, for example, 70 people who came out of here healthy. Elemental things…

And what pleasantly surprised, touched?

Anton : Fundraising. I sincerely thought that this idea was doomed to failure. But the task was set by the doctor, and I really did not want to disappoint her. I thought about it for a week and a half, wrote the text in two hours, and collected four million six hundred thousand in a week. I hope that this budget will fit in any case, but if a new amount is required, then it will be necessary to look for a new move. Even more interesting.

See also: People who change our lives