The pandemic has affected not only our health, but also the economy and way of thinking. We do not yet know all its consequences. How to survive what is happening and prepare for what you cannot prepare for?
Official announcements, discussions on social networks, telephone conversations… “Everyone is talking about the same thing from morning to night. The news doesn’t calm me down, but I can’t stop reading,” admits 36-year-old Elena. We are faced with tremendous uncertainty: we do not know if we will get sick, and, if so, how quickly the body will cope with the infection. And what will happen to work and the economy as a whole? There are no answers yet. Hence the anxiety. And we deal with it the best we can.
Turn on filters
One of the usual ways to splash out emotions is writing and reading posts on social networks, says Inna Khamitova, director of the Center for Systemic Family Therapy. We carry our worries there, especially when face-to-face conversations are difficult. There are both fakes and outright misinformation there, like the quickly debunked message about the curfew at the very beginning. Who distributes them?
“Either one who is very scared and overcomes his fears in dark fantasies, or a sociopath who sows panic, enjoying a sense of power,” suggests Inna Khamitova. Some are taking advantage of the environment to promote their services, supplementing posts about the virus with offerings ranging from psychological help to remote healing. You can get out of this stream only by disconnecting from the Network, which is hardly realistic. But how to avoid overflowing with emotions?
“Washing hands is very useful not only from a hygienic, but also from a psychological point of view,” recalls Inna Khamitova. “This simple act helps refocus our attention on the physical sensations and gives us the pause we need. There are other ways that allow you to shake yourself up: breathe, stand under the shower, perform several asanas. After a pause, you can return to the message and evaluate how reliable and useful it is for us.
Hungry mind
Many of us in a pandemic situation are trying to find those responsible: who? Military men, scientists, enemies of pensioners… “This is a typical defensive reaction: we project anxiety outward,” explains Vitaly Zimin, a psychoanalyst and president of the Moscow Psychoanalytic Society. – Conspiracy theories are attractive because they create the illusion of control. Since the epidemic is artificial, someone will be able to control it. There is always a temptation to find an all-powerful object – even a bad one, but it controls everything.
Conspiracy theory is quieter than chaos theory. And for some, this is the only way to maintain balance: the enemy is localized, named, we know how to defend ourselves, and this gives a sense of security. But this strategy is dangerous in itself, as it damages our ability to test reality.”
We do not have many opportunities to do anything, and in inaction the mind seeks food for itself. The question is whether this activity calms us or excites us. “I observe information hygiene: I don’t read the Internet in the morning and at night, only during the day and no more than an hour,” 43-year-old Yuri shares his decision. Our task is not to be captured by emotions, acting automatically, but to make a comprehensive analysis of both incoming information and our own experiences. After all, next to us there are relatives, our mood affects them.
Nose to nose
Families ended up in the same apartment or house for a longer time than usual. Psychologists say that even on vacation, relationships are sometimes destabilized due to unusually close communication. And in self-isolation, there are also fewer external impressions: we don’t go sightseeing and we don’t travel. All this creates the ground for conflicts. “I yell at my husband that he does nothing or does everything wrong,” lamented 28-year-old Galina. “I’m breaking down, but I can’t get over the irritation.”
Parts of post-pandemic China have seen a record number of divorces since lockdowns were lifted. This is partly because those who wanted a divorce earlier had to wait for government services to reopen. But there is another version: “Many couples stayed at home with each other for more than a month, and hidden conflicts came to the surface,” said official Wong from the city of Xi’an.1. Are there any chances that we will repeat this path?
This common test awakens healthy forces in many, teaches them to seek compromises, to be caring
“There are such chances,” Inna Khamitova agrees. – The practice of “not heating up the situation” and “letting go of the brakes” is familiar to many. If tensions in the family have existed before, they will almost certainly reveal themselves. So we should prepare for this. And then events can develop in different ways. For some couples, this will be a relief, the beginning of a dialogue that will help resolve conflicts constructively. Perhaps a new stage of rapprochement. But even if it comes to a breakup, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.” For some, divorce is a relief and the beginning of a new life.
“After a week at home with my wife, I found that she is an interesting conversationalist!” – 30-year-old Dmitry says with a degree of surprise. “This common test awakens healthy forces in many, teaches them to seek compromises, to be caring, to feel the fragility and value of human life,” Vitaly Zimin is convinced.
Test of love
Relationships between generations are also being tested. “The feelings of parents for children and children for parents are always ambivalent,” points out the psychoanalyst. – The Oedipal conflict exists on an unconscious level: the daughter competes with the mother, the son with the father. Now it manifests itself at the level of biology: the older generation is more vulnerable than the younger one. The external situation enters into resonance with the universal oedipal conflict, relations become aggravated. Will love win?
“My parents got it, they constantly demand that I wash my hands, even if I didn’t leave the house,” 15-year-old Roman is dissatisfied. “Adolescents are impulsive because the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for critical thinking, matures around the age of 25,” recalls Inna Khamitova. – And they make decisions under the influence of the current feeling, and not on mature reflection. It seems to them that they are seeking independence, but they often act on the principle of “to spite my grandmother, I will get frostbite in my ears.”
In a normal situation, you can allow a young person to face the consequences of his actions and draw his own conclusions, but now not only he himself depends on his behavior. However, it is more constructive to act from positions not of power, but of cooperation, explaining why this or that is being done. “The desire to break the ban can be very strong, if only because it comes from mom and dad,” adds Inna Khamitova. – But it can be explained that it was not the parents who came up with this, that we are all in the same boat. And remember that the first time the explanations may not work and they will need to be repeated.
Non-equilibrium state
We are going on forced vacations, mastering remote employment and wondering if the companies we work for will survive. “In physics and chemistry, there is the concept of a non-equilibrium state,” Inna Khamitova offers a metaphor. – Water heated to +100 °C becomes steam, cooled to zero, it turns into ice. We do not yet know where is the point at which our state will change, and we do not even know in which direction it will change. Nobody can guarantee anything. We can only wait and see what happens.”
It remains to do what depends on us. To work so that the firm does not collapse, and to minimize losses if they are inevitable. And in the absence of work, find other useful activities for yourself, “because any emptiness is filled with fears,” Inna Khamitova clarifies.
The extreme situations that entertained us in movies and books did not happen often in everyday life before. Now we all have to test ourselves. We no longer need to look for a topic to talk about. Telecommunications are rapidly developing, relatives and friends living in different cities and countries communicate more closely. Those who worked hard got a legitimate respite.
We accept uncertainty and try, no matter what, to smile at ourselves and others
Before our eyes, there is a struggle between two survival strategies: someone is trying to grab more for himself, buying up toilet paper, medicines, food, and the other is asking the neighbors what to bring them. But sometimes the first and second are the same person.
We distinguish between selfishness and narcissism. “Egoism is based on dialogue, on the search for a balance of interests,” notes the psychoanalyst. “And narcissism is destructive, it is an aggressive strategy, it destroys the connection with objects.” The selfishness of self-isolation paradoxically coincides with concern for one’s neighbor. We remember that living, eating, breathing is not only a need, but also a value.
“We found ourselves in a situation of a forced experiment, and we have no other constructive way out but to learn everything new and share it with others, to find forms for expressing this experience,” emphasizes Vitaly Zimin. “This is an essential function of mental immunity: to comprehend what is happening without drawing premature conclusions and maintaining contact with reality.”
We accept uncertainty and try, no matter what, to smile at ourselves and others: smiling activates the production of endorphins that reduce stress.
1 globaltimes.cn is a Chinese English resource.