Contents
What do we know about anorexia? This is a signal that indicates what hurts inside, says the philosopher Michela Marzano.
I thought I would never talk about it. This was my secret. And I had absolutely no intention of allowing anyone to gain access to my vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Then, gradually, I wanted to tell my story*. Because anorexia is not something to be ashamed of. This is not dishonor. Not a disease like the others.
Anorexia is a symptom that brings to the surface what hurts inside. Fear, neglect, violence, anger… It’s a way to protect yourself from everything that is beyond your control. Even if, defending ourselves, we risk dying from it. To learn how to live, one must have the courage to give meaning to all this suffering. Of course, there are no magic recipes to get out of this situation, as some claim and others hope. But there is something more precious than simple recipes – the power of words. Those words that allow you to say thousands and thousands of times about the same things, the same moments, the same uncertainty, the same regrets … Words that we can look for years and which one day appear again to name the unnameable.
Read more:
- Anorexia nervosa as a challenge
I have always been an obedient child. But at what cost? What did I have to sacrifice forever to be obedient? So obedient that along the way I forgot what I wanted … And even worse: who I was. Words are needed to rediscover the lost thread. These moments of fear or violence that have shaped me. It is non-recognition and abandonment. These “no” to everything that was not foreseen in advance, decided by my father, calculated for my “good”. Those years during which something broke forever. The joy of life. Liberty. Desire… Yes, just the desire to do anything.
For a long time I thought that I could forget everything, as if nothing had happened. As if it was enough to hide behind rational arguments to give meaning to my existence. As if the most important thing is the consistency and accuracy of the arguments. For a long time, I believed that philosophy meant just that—explaining the world in order to better control it. Only later did I discover that abstract theories are often laughable. Or useless and fruitless prejudices. Or scientific chatter. And that the only thing worth remaining faithful to is the search for the meaning of our lives, which constantly eludes us, which is inextricably linked to the vulnerability of the very condition of man.
Read more:
- Anorexia: when to start worrying?
If I hadn’t experienced all this, I probably wouldn’t be who I am today. Perhaps I would not have understood that philosophy is primarily a way to talk about finitude and joy. About the combination of the incompatible and about the differences. The tremendous courage it takes to stop suffering, and the fragility of love that gives meaning to existence.
Michela Marzano – Italian politician and philosopher, professor at the University of Paris V, regular contributor to the newspaper La Repubblica. Among her interests is the idea of the body in modern culture.
* “Light as a butterfly” (Grasset, 2012).