Family holidays are a tradition that allows you to maintain relationships with loved ones. But sometimes warm meetings end with unpleasant questions about personal life. “Why don’t you get married? When are you going to have a baby?” — most would not like to discuss it. Learn how to deal with excessive curiosity.
Almost every year on the eve of the holidays, Los Angeles comedian Mary Mack and her husband go to another city to visit relatives, they inevitably have to answer the question of why they did not have a child: “In addition to him, sometimes you have to listen to another one: “Do you regret that you don’t have children?”
This year, the couple decided to change everything. They all wrote on Christmas cards: no, they still don’t have children, instead they got themselves another baby – a puppy: “We attached a note to the cards, where we wrote:“ This year we will not go anywhere for the holidays, even to parents, we are very tired. I hope you will be able to have a good rest and you will start handing over garbage for recycling. Dog Dingo, our little one, is very supportive of this.”
Something in the feasts makes relatives forget about the rules of decency
Mary is not the only one with horror waiting for holidays, birthdays and other occasions for a feast that lead to questions about her personal life. Perhaps the wine flowing like a river or boredom after a gala dinner is to blame for this, but there is something in family feasts that makes all relatives forget about the rules of decency. You can, of course, follow the example of Mary Mack and not go to visit them, but this option is not suitable for everyone. If communication with overly curious relatives cannot be avoided, psychotherapist Tara Griffith advises to think over the answers to expected questions in advance.
“If you broke up with your partner, you can answer, for example, like this:“ Yes, the breakup was hard, but it was the right decision. Now I’m much better.” And try to change the subject: “You, I see, have also changed a lot of things, tell us about the new house.”
She also advises making a list of taboo topics ahead of time: “These are topics and issues that evoke unpleasant emotions and memories, or simply cause discomfort. For example, who did you vote for in the elections, who do you meet and so on.”
If you know what might provoke you, and prepared the answers to the expected questions, you will no longer be taken by surprise. “At the same time, you have the right to evade the answer. Most importantly, try to do it politely and tactfully, because you are not communicating with strangers, but with family members,” reminds social psychologist Susan Newman, author of 365 Ways to Say No. – You have the right to answer: “Thank you for asking, but I don’t want to discuss it today” or “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you some other time. Phrases show that you appreciate the care and interest that they show to you, while giving you the opportunity to get away from answering unnecessarily intrusive questions.
You are not obliged to tell anyone about how you broke up with your loved one or you were laid off, even if a relative asks. “Do you have to tell everything in detail? Not necessary. If you know you might cry or you just don’t like the topic, be honest about it without going into too much detail. Let’s make it clear to others where the boundary of what is acceptable for you lies,” says etiquette specialist Diana Gottsman.
Source: Huffington Post