We have all been victims of fraud at one time or another. Someone in especially large sizes, someone in extremely small, but no less offensive. “It was necessary to burst like that!”, “Why did I withdraw money from that street ATM?”, “They lied like the last fool!” – anger, bitterness, shame, guilt cover us headlong and do not allow us to soberly assess the situation. What to do and how to help yourself in this case?
To begin with, take it for granted that anyone can suffer from the actions of crooks. Most often, we fall for the bait of scammers in a state of stress, increased anxiety, irritability or depression – any deviation from the psychological norm makes us more vulnerable.
Attackers are able to read our mental state and select exactly those tools that will be effective in specific circumstances. The level of intelligence and self-confidence also affects whether we fall under the influence of scammers or not.
When we are not well versed in a topic, we tend to trust experts. And especially experts in uniform: a person in the clothes of a priest or a doctor intuitively inspires more confidence in us. The same applies to scammers who pose as housing and communal services employees and swindle older people to install expensive and often unnecessary equipment.
Under stress, a person is more suggestible, which deceivers are well aware of. Therefore, even the most stable of us can be brought to a state in which we give the last.
Take, for example, the traditional way of street deception – the so-called gypsy hypnosis, when we are surrounded from all sides, loudly asking for something, touching our hands and clothes. All this action is aimed at artificially causing stress, that is, a sudden, abrupt and unusual state for an ordinary city dweller.
The same thing happens when we receive a phone call, supposedly from the police, with reports of the arrest of a close relative. Aggressive tone of conversation, threats, psychological pressure – in such a situation, few of us are able to make sound decisions, be consistent and adequate. Especially when the heart begins to pound furiously and faintness sets in.
“The reaction of our body to stress is the same for all mammals and consists of standard actions: “fight, run or freeze,” explains psychiatrist-psychotherapist Pavel Beschastnov. – This formula works in any sudden and stressful situations.
Physiologically, overstrain can manifest itself in increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, reflex muscle tension – it all depends on how much a person experiences. The scale of the reaction may be different, but these differences are quantitative, not qualitative.
If we talk about extreme forms of bodily manifestations, then these can be headaches, and vomiting, and pseudo-hysterical paralysis.
The booty of scammers is not a prize in the competition. This is what is rightfully ours
The main problem, according to Pavel Beschastnov, is that we perceive the situation not as an accident, but as some kind of social interaction. And it makes it difficult to accept what happened.
“When you become a victim of someone else’s evil will, the brain begins to feverishly grab onto emotions – anger, shame or guilt. We perceive what happened as a loss in some kind of abstract competition, ”continues the psychologist.
According to him, the specificity of all “tricks” is as follows: we feel as if we lost in some kind of competitive struggle.
“And here we must understand that this is not a competition of minds: the fraudster does not compete with the victim – he is trying to deceive her,” says Pavel Beschastnov. “It’s not like we were preparing for an exam and failed it. And not as if we fell in love and were rejected. Everything is completely different.”
The booty of scammers (for example, our money) is not a prize in the competition. This is what is rightfully ours. Therefore, there is simply no reason to feel shame or guilt. But if that’s not a loss, then what is? It is worth considering what happened as an accident and not asking yourself over and over again how this could happen.
It is much more useful to look from the past to the future. What can I do? For example, assess the extent of damage or decide whether to contact law enforcement agencies.
“They gave weight, cheated, deceived, divorced, imposed an unnecessary service – the event has already happened, and it is irreversible, so it’s better to think about whether everything can be fixed,” advises Pavel Beschastnov. – If you can’t win back, then take the losses and write them off for what is called “stop loss” in the language of financiers. For example, you could just spend that money foolishly. Or drunk. Or by making an unnecessary purchase.
How can you help yourself in these circumstances?
“The first thing is to understand that we have the right to emotions that overwhelm us, be it shame, anger, fear, irritation or resentment,” Pavel Beschastnov is sure. – Do not tell yourself: “I can not react so violently.” On the contrary, it is absolutely normal to give out an emotional reaction in such conditions.
And any distraction will help to cope with emotions – measured breathing, meditation, active mental or physical activity. In general, everything that will lead us as a result to the main conclusion: “Yes, it’s terrible, annoying, ridiculous, but it’s just money. And life goes on.”