What lies behind the beautiful facade of the life of artists? What do they think, what do they really feel? These questions are unlikely to be answered by social networks and ceremonial interviews. Real reflections are most often manifested in the psychotherapist’s office. But only a brave star will talk to a specialist for the general public. Such as the singer Anita Tsoi, who celebrates her 7th birthday on February 50th.
It was our blue dream — a psychotherapy session with a celebrity as a client. During the 15 years of the existence of the PSYCHOLOGIES project, we almost despaired of finding a hero — the stars did not dare to try even in test mode. Anita, on the other hand, took a day to think it over, and now she is sitting in the office of the psychotherapist Maria Eril with a request at the ready. This is her first session.
Anita Tsoi: My anniversary is coming up. And, like, probably, with any person in his pre-fifty years, changes are taking place in me. Part of me wants the comforts of home, some kind of more family situation. Grandchildren from somewhere appeared in my head, although they are not in sight, even the daughter-in-law is not yet. And the other part says: «Do not leave the work, the stage, we must move on.» And disharmony begins.
Maria Eril:This milestone, 50 years, what does it mean to you? Does this number have anything to do with it? Maybe the closest relatives at the age of 50 were changing?
I remember well the 50th anniversary of my husband, he is 13 years older than me. So Petrovich (Sergei Tsoi, a civil servant, the husband of the singer. — Approx. ed.) stood up and said: «Everything is just beginning for me, because real men begin to flourish at the age of 50.» Therefore, it remained in my head that 50 years is wonderful. But now it seems to me that everything happens differently for a woman, we begin to notice how we turn into a different substance, our thoughts are definitely different.
Before, I was imprisoned for work, for proving to myself, to everyone around me and to my husband that I can earn money, achieve success, big victories. All my life I lived as an athlete, in an eternal race: I was constantly losing weight, striving for career growth … And now I began to notice completely different things.
What changed your perspective?
Self-isolation has changed a lot. Before that, we spent most of our time at work. They earned money for a country house, built and improved it. But never because of employment were not in it so much time together. And in quarantine we were together around the clock. And then we discovered that we, it turns out, are different people! And at first, as newlyweds, they tried to establish a balance, not to conflict with each other, because someone wants coffee, and someone wants tea, someone watches a movie, and someone plays the piano — we had such disagreements.
During the day, I wanted to spend time differently, and in the evening we took up two guitars (this used to be only on big holidays) and played and sang for two months, until both caught the coronavirus. I realized that it’s great at home, and it turns out that it’s so beautiful here! The husband took up the garden plot, this has never happened. He put everything in order, planted trees … And there was a feeling that we both retired. (Laughs.)
Did it scare you?
No, but my husband was completely pleased, because he, apparently, was already tired of working all his life. But the feeling when you walk along the paths of your site, holding hands, we were simply shocked. A new relationship broke out between us, deeper, warmer, I didn’t notice this before myself. My husband replaced my dad, who was not around. He raised me, instructed, scolded, even sometimes “put me in a corner” because of my youth. And then I felt a completely new story in myself. I started to take care of my wife even more, as if we switched roles and I became the eldest.
Because of this new situation, I felt that I was starting to split in two. Before the coronavirus, I was sure that I was moving by leaps and bounds where I needed to. And now I realized that I want my son to get married. I felt it with my heart, I began to look at him differently. Not just like a mother who raises a child. Namely, as a mother who wants to continue his family, dreams of immersing herself in her grandchildren, hearing children’s laughter. The understanding came that at the end of the journey only the closest ones remain with us. I now have a new era, a new round in my life.
How do you feel about this era? Do you like her, scares, sucks? .. What is she like?
I would say it sucks. Finally, the comfort that we have created brings me satisfaction, it makes me feel good. But it’s still scary. I think, is it really true: the pension crept up unnoticed? I look in the mirror, I find two extra wrinkles, I start scrupulously examining them. I think: “God, I used to work to provide for my family, to invest in creativity. And now also work for Botox injections? (Laughs.) I have not done them yet, but, apparently, I already need to save up.
If we talk about female age, how do you feel in your body? What is changing?
The first time age reminded of itself about three years ago. He overtook me on tour, I began to understand that something was happening to the body, it could not cope with the loads that I placed on it. That is, before «tour» in two hundred cities of Russia — it was normal. And then suddenly I fainted on stage. This is where it all started. I decided to save myself and went to the doctors. They said: «You have let yourself go a little, you should have come earlier.» They prescribed drugs that control the balance of hormones, I began to get better.
Just then, I hosted the program «Wedding Size» — a TV show about losing weight. And in front of everyone who was losing weight, I began to swell. By the end of the filming period, it turned out that the members lost weight, and I almost reached their original size. After some time, the program was closed. I don’t think it was because of me, but I felt guilty. No matter what I did then, nothing changed.
Now I can finally start losing weight again. I am a genetic plump in life, I constantly tortured myself with diets, went in for sports 24/7, made incredible efforts in order to lose weight. Recently I realized that I want to lose weight less painfully. Tired. I’m tired of denying myself everything. For example, I wanted to return to the diet I was used to since childhood: to Korean food, to sweets … And I found a way out — a Korean herbal diet, I drink an infusion before meals and slowly lose weight. Five kilograms in three weeks — and I live for my own pleasure.
In vain we have not yet given birth to a baby, and maybe even two
And for what or for whom do you want to lose weight?
Well, for whom? For her husband, her fans, to see the enthusiastic looks of the audience, so that they again say: “Our Tsoyka is well done!” Anniversary concerts are ahead, I want to go out and feel even more self-confidence.
Women often say that menopause changes the way they perceive themselves. Many consider themselves sexual as long as they are reproductive. And when they lose it, it becomes a real drama.
Well, honestly, I can say that sex has not diminished! On the contrary — cool, there is no fear of getting pregnant. (Laughs.) Although … I would now get pregnant again. Quite different than before, thoughts come: in vain we have not yet given birth to a baby, and maybe even two. It was necessary to do everything at that time, it was right for this.
If your priorities are now shifting towards home, then what happens to creativity?
I won’t lie, I just want to live for myself and my family. Therefore, of course, the creative story began to fade into the background. You have to think about what to write about. If you have dreams, you write about them in your little work, song. You talk either with the person to whom these dreams are related, or with yourself, or you turn to heaven. But now everything is stable in life, my beloved is nearby, I come home and understand: here it is, happiness. And since in my songs I always sing about honesty, I don’t want to invent stories.
To whom are you addressing now?
That’s a very difficult question. In May, I released an album for the 75th anniversary of the Victory, and then I knew exactly who I was addressing. To the veterans, who are few, but, thank God, they still remain. And to the younger generation — they are charismatic, strong, ready for new victories, and therefore they can conquer the world, but they can also break this fragile peace, because they do not know the consequences of war.
But now it’s time to release the next song, single or album, ahead of a big show, concerts … And I’m stuck because I don’t understand who I want to turn to. Either to your son and family, or to your fans, but with what? Especially during the coronavirus… “Everyone stay at home, it’s so great there”!? I don’t understand, to be honest…
It turns out that you and your audience exist as if separately?
It turns out that it is. My main active audience is people 25-45 years old. They are much younger. Our dreams, desires and tasks at the moment turned out to be different. Whether they want to or not, they have to go to work to feed their families. And I have the opportunity and desire to stay in my native walls and live for myself.
Why is your audience younger than you? Was it your choice? Or did everything just happen by itself?
At first, my choice was to rejuvenate the audience, because of my mobile nature, energy, love of adventure. And I have been in show business for a long time and I understand that rejuvenating the audience prolongs the life of an artist on stage, because after forty all families live with their own problems and begin to follow their artist less.
As a result, my young audience is well done, they are ready to come to the concert, make a fuss during my anniversary, ignite to my music. But they are waiting for me to follow a new dream with them, as it was in the show “10|20”, and I sit and think: “How cool, my dreams have almost all come true …” It turned out that we suddenly started talking in different languages. languages, and this moment came so quickly, as if a page in a book had been turned over.
And what are you going to do?
Now, as in a circus arena, I ride on one wheel — either to me there, or here, I balance and try not to fall. And, honestly, I have no idea where the curve will take me. Therefore, I rely on my feelings, intuition.
But I am sure of one thing: I will always be a burning woman — this is a fact. I will be the best daughter, wife, mother, grandmother. And of course I will sing! I know that sooner or later a song will come to me that will open a new stage in my life. You have to think about it, always keep it in your head. It’s like happiness: sometimes it is next to us, we look and do not see. A lot of tinsel around. It is important to find a tail from the main thread, from this happiness, and start winding onto the spool faster.