Today, in Western culture, an ideal of a person has been formed, to whom such a feeling as anger is practically alien: he is soft, polite, and if he is dissatisfied with something, he knows how to restrain his emotions. However, the anger with which we forbid external expression turns inward, on ourselves, which can cause hypertension or other psychosomatic symptoms.
The widespread prevalence of depression in Western society, experts, in particular, associate with the tradition of suppressing anger.
It is wiser to accept manifestations of this emotion, having learned to control them. For a long time, such a means as discharging excitement in a socially acceptable form was popular: for children – active games, for their parents – practical means of relieving emotional stress, like cheap whipping utensils. But experiments conducted back in the 60s * showed that if people are given the opportunity to bludgeon inflatable toys or smash something to smithereens, their desire to take revenge on real offenders does not decrease. It has been proven that feelings cannot be allowed to go in an arbitrary direction. They have a very definite focus, and it is not possible to deceive oneself by burning the effigy of the boss.
Having accepted your emotions, learn to express them in a constructive, non-aggressive manner
Recently, the idea of anger management has become increasingly popular. A lot of books and TV shows are published on this topic, special trainings are offered, after which anger becomes “constructive and manageable”. A new psychological practice emphasizes the positive aspects of anger.
“This is a completely natural, healthy human emotion that increases a person’s energy and helps us fight, defend and attack in a situation of danger,” says American psychologist Charles D. Spielberger, one of the creators of the anger management technique. “If a person did not experience anger, he would hardly have survived in the course of evolution” **. The main thing in the technique of anger management is not getting rid of emotions, but the ability to express them in a constructive and non-aggressive manner. If your buddy is regularly late, there is an option to chastise him (“You are always late!”), which will either cause a flood of excuses or rudeness in return.
Either way, the meeting will be ruined. Or you can simply describe your feelings at the moment of waiting: “You know, with every minute that I stood here, I boiled more and more with anger.” Such a phrase will also let him know that he is wrong, but its advantage is that you are not attacking, but stating. Such a statement does not lead to an escalation of the quarrel, and the person who expressed his feelings becomes easier.
* A. Bandura «Social Learning through Imitation». University of Nebraska Press, 1962. ** The National Anger Management Association: http://namass.org.