Anger, anger, rage. What to do with your own aggressiveness?

First, conduct an experiment: if you feel that a wave of rage rises, sigh sharply — and keep the air in yourself, do not exhale. Hold, hold, hold as long as you can — by the way, this does not interfere with driving at all. And when you can no longer hold it and breathe out, you will find that there is no more rage. Well, good!

And now, slowly, about everything carefully and in detail.

Aggression is not always harmful, but often dangerous. It is advisable to extinguish your own unwanted aggression, if it is difficult, then dampen it, restrain it, or at least not inflame it. These are all tasks of controlling aggression. Managing aggression is broader than its containment, it is both a challenge to aggression, and directing it in the right direction, and managing its nature and dynamics.​​​​​​​

Learn to control your aggressiveness

Aggressiveness is a useful thing if you always have it with you, but only as a last resort, as if in your back pocket. The ability to explode with aggressiveness at any second — and the next second to smile serenely — is an indicator of a high level of control over oneself and one’s own emotions. If you learn to freely provoke aggression, it will soon become easier for you to turn it off. Turned on — turned off. The more you turn it on, the faster you turn it off. Yes, and others will begin to treat you with great respect. And when people around you behave respectfully, when children do not test your patience and do what their parents tell them, somehow the aggressiveness becomes less.

If you are completely serious, then in order for your attacks of aggression to stop, you need to change your character, become calm and restrained. Sometimes it seems unrealistic, unbelievable, impossible, but it is not. Character is a collection of habits, and habits can be changed. If you set yourself such a task and start training calm reactions, you can do it.

If you feel anger in yourself and want to calm down

You feel anger, anger, a desire to tear and destroy everything that comes to hand. What can be recommended in this case, how to remove anger and resentment reasonably and without problems? The most interesting thing is that these feelings, anger and resentment, are very similar… Those who are often angry are often offended, those who are rarely offended are not often angry. And the methods of how to remove anger, resentment and other external and internal aggression are, in fact, the same.

In the beginning — what is not recommended: it is alcohol, sickness in sports and a splash of imaginary aggression. And also: to take revenge, to spoil, to slander and seize. More about it.

As for the intake of alcohol as a way to relieve internal stress, then let me leave it without comment. This is not a method.

Pain in sports is more difficult. Energetic sports are useful in themselves, but aggressive sports (fights without rules, football, hockey …) give relaxation only for participating athletes, subject to high physical exertion and final moral satisfaction. As for the spectators, the fight itself mainly strains them, and the discharge occurs only in the case of respiratory pumping in the process of screaming and waving the arms. The fans charged with aggression after the match are, unfortunately, familiar to many people.

The traditional advice to «vent your anger and let go of your aggression» does more harm than good. It’s easy to use, harder to unlearn, and emotional outbursts have less situational benefit than long-term harm. Does it help? Yes, if this is a completely new behavior for a person. Yes, if it brings real moral satisfaction to a person. Yes, if the bodily component of physical and respiratory pumping is strong in spitting out anger and aggression. At the same time, physical and respiratory pumping helps even without imaginary aggression, and getting used to enjoying aggression means turning into a psychopath without prospects, because when you get used to it, the outburst of imaginary aggression ceases to help. All.

For so many people, the way to discharge is «revenge.» The conversation about “revenge” is separate and serious, sometimes it can be understood, but to spoil and gossip is just a very bad habit and just weakness. “I did something nasty — there is joy in my soul” — probably, this is still not yours. “Eating” is not so much a solution to the “I feel bad” problem, but more revenge on oneself. Chocolates do contain mood-enhancing substances, but gorging yourself on cakes is getting the joy of the opportunity to realize “If you are like this, then I do what I want, that’s what I do.” Is this your path, is this your level?

Recommended

Calm your breath. In a situation of resentment or anger, first of all, calm your breath, breathe. Usually, a calm inhalation and an attentive slow exhalation are sufficient. Do it several times, again … Well, that’s calmed down. In extreme cases, a strong inhalation and a very slow exhalation. And even slower…

Next, turn on your head. Perhaps you got angry prematurely. It is often helpful to first calmly figure out who said and did what, and why. Those who know how to understand people are less likely to get angry with them. Maybe you should follow their example?

Speak feelings. If there are people close to you nearby and there is such an opportunity, talk about your feelings. For example, “I am very sorry to hear your words. I have a protest inside, a lot of tension and I’m ready to explode. As long as you choose the right words, you will begin to calm down.

Describe your feelings. Focus on your breathing or pulse. Option — on your feelings. It is helpful to ask yourself the question: “How do I feel right now?” and try to describe your feelings as physiologically and in detail as possible: goosebumps here, trembling here, froze here … If this does not completely relieve tension, then it will definitely reduce it.

Practice calm presence. This is a wonderful technique, but only for trained people. Remember: how does the surface of the lake react to the environment? No way: it just reflects everything. So do you — train to simply perceive what is happening around and not react in any way to what is happening. “Well, someone spat in the wrong place — you will wipe yourself off, and the trouble has passed.” Get used to being a philosopher, you will no longer be offended by many everyday little things.

Next, pay attention to your health. Irritability rises when you are tired and unwell, and goes away when you feel great. Therefore, set up a rest mode. (Correct evening, Healthy sleep, Rest during the working day), move more, sports and a normal diet. By the way, consider the option of partial abandonment of the car. Taking public transport or walking at least once a week is good!

And the simplest and worldly justified option is to transfer aggression into another direction: for example, into business or physical exercises. Women calm themselves well by washing the dishes, vacuuming or even better scrubbing the floor. In the village, everything is simple for a peasant: he chopped firewood, straightened the fence — and order. In the city, this can be replaced by sports: under aggression, it is good to make sharp, percussive movements, possibly with a shout. Karate or any other of the martial arts is well suited here, the main thing is not to pay attention to the desire to destroy someone, but to the strength and beauty of your movements. Notice again: this is not a splash of aggression, but a muscular and respiratory pumping. It’s not psychology, it’s physiology. And it’s definitely helpful. So move, move!

From behind the table to beauty, vitality and health — march with a step!

How to deal with holding back your anger, anger, irritation and other aggressive emotions

Restraint in behavior, the ability to restrain one’s negative feelings is an indicator of internal culture and good breeding, an indispensable attribute of a business and simply successful person. If you do not wind up emotions inside yourself, then restraint in behavior and expression of your feelings is not at all harmful. Talk about the dangers of holding back negative emotions has no evidence base and is rather a harmful myth. See →