Misandry, a term etymologically conceived from the Greek “misein”, which means to hate and “andros”, which designates men, literally means “not to love men”. But finally, and the second term sometimes used to name it, that of androphobia, underlines it well, these words are commonly used to describe the situation where people, and especially women, are afraid of men. It can be linked, for example, to an experienced trauma, or to a bad parental model, which will then lead to an abusive generalization. Typically, it can result, in some, by a fear of commitment and a refusal to form a couple.

Historians call it the Quarrel of Women: more than five centuries in which writings, be they libels, poems, dialogues and treatises, have analyzed the respective qualities and faults of the two sexes. This fierce debate begins in the heart of the Middle Ages. He compares the respective values ​​of men and women. Thus, Patrick Guillot, the co-founder in 2008 of the Group of studies on seximes, writes: “In the beginning, it is the clerics who feed the debate and give the advantage to the misogynist point of view. But soon the defenders of women replied, for example Christine de Pisan in 1399 with her Epistle to the God of love. “

During this Quarrel, various types of writings emerge. Misogynists, these texts affirm the superiority of men. Philogynists, they praise the qualities of women without however advocating them as superior, nor advocating a social transformation in their favor. Feminists, they then call for such a transformation. Others, finally, are misandre libels: they clearly affirm the superiority of women and the inferiority of men. Dozens of perpetrators are listed in each camp. Particularity of the misandrous theses, linked to the Middle Ages: “their proponents refer first of all, before all other considerations, to the biblical writings“, Specifies Patrick Guillot in his book Misogyny, misandry, there are two sexisms.

A Manichean conclusion also follows, for the misandrous authors: “Men at the beginning of the world were inventors of vices, and women found spinning, weaving and other crafts innocent.“. This feminine superiority sometimes even took the form of a feminine messianism: according to the supporters of this war of the sexes, men always have domination and destruction as their objective; redemption will be the work of a woman-messiah who will lead others in her wake, or of the feminine principle, or of all women, collective messiah.

Nowadays, as suggested by Doctor Nicolas Neveux, psychiatrist-psychotherapist in Paris, in TCC and TIP, author of the site www.e-psychiatrie.fr, “unlike misogyny which is a more societal phenomenon, misandry is more individual, linked to psychological factors«.

In people who are afraid of men, a post-traumatic situation can explain it. A sexually abused woman can develop this fear of men. Even without there having been sexual abuse, a trauma of a lesser magnitude could also trigger this phobia.

Another classic situation sometimes at the origin of misandry: a bad parental model. In particular, when a child sees the father mistreating the mother. Or, conversely, the mother mistreating the father: the child may conceive of mockery for the father who is not able to defend himself.

«In reality, this construction of misandry does not differ from the usual constitution of phobias., estimates Doctor Nicolas Neveux. Basically, it is dysfunctional learning, which generates an abusive generalization. ” He adds that in misandry, there can also be the idea of ​​pseudo-rationalizing a behavioral choice: the assertion that we do not like men, that it is a choice, is indeed more rewarding than say that we are afraid of it. However, many people are extremely afraid of commitment. And misandry is common among women who are afraid of being in a relationship, who fear the responsibilities that this entails.

Doctor Nicolas Neveux esteems him: it is much easier to say “it’s the fault outside – to men, therefore – since it is the exterior that must change, and I have no effort to make“, What to say”it’s me who has a problem, I have to work to change“…

And yet: according to this relationship professional, psychotherapeutic work will highlight dysfunctional cognition, and thus point to the real underlying problem, the pattern which, in itself, does not work. This can, for example, be a pattern of pessimism related to the couple. A scheme of pejoration of the couple. Or the idea of ​​not being able to be successful as a couple. Or again, that of responsibilities perceived as too heavy.

At the psychic level, such behaviors can be cured! “For many people who have prejudices, whether it is racism, misogyny, anti-Semitism among others, it is mainly about defense mechanisms.“, Considers Nicolas Neveux. Ideas that are not politically correct, which we can manage to get rid of, by making the patient wonder about the reasons which make him not like this or that group of people.

Cognitive behavioral therapies will bring to light the dysfunctional thoughts, the underlying patterns. Interpersonal therapies have also been proven to work, the idea being that in most problematic situations in life these difficulties can be reduced to interpersonal bond dysfunction. The goal ? Make secure attachment links happen. In addition, EMDR therapy is effective: it is a good tool to heal the trauma.

Misandry represents a form of sexism. In particular because certain professional activities are still reserved for women – those of early childhood, for example – and not very accessible to men. Evelyne Sullerot has set up information services on contraception and family planning, and was very involved in the feminist movement: very quickly, however, she expressed reservations about certain abuses. In particular the fact that the paternal function is often underestimated, even despised.

Doctor Neveux also points out this risk of discrimination. He indicates : “Any form of discrimination on the basis of belonging to any human group is bad. There are parts of our society where priority is almost always given to women. The best example is custody for children: by default, custody is given to the mother, for reasons that are not necessarily justified. ” Especially since today, men are very present, involved for their children.

In fact, any abusive generalization is harmful. Feeling discriminated against, everyone can contact the Halde (High Authority for Combating Discrimination) which fights any discriminatory abuse. Elisabeth Badinter even denounces a new form of ideology: “The condemnation of male abuse has been replaced by unconditional denunciation of the male sex.»