It is believed that with every mistake we gain experience and wisdom. But is it really so? Psychoanalyst Andrey Rossokhin talks about the stereotype “learn from mistakes” and assures that the experience gained cannot protect against repeated missteps.
«Humans tend to make mistakes. But only a fool insists on his mistake” — this idea of Cicero, formulated around 80 BC, inspires great optimism: if we need delusions in order to develop and move forward, then is it worth getting lost!
And now the parents inspire the child who received a deuce for homework not done: “Let this serve you as a lesson!” And now the manager assures employees that he admits his mistake and is determined to correct it. But let’s be honest: which of us has not happened to step on the same rake again and again? How many managed to get rid of a bad habit once and for all? Maybe the lack of willpower is to blame?
The idea that a person develops by learning from mistakes is misleading and destructive. It gives an extremely simplified idea of our development as a movement from imperfection to perfection. In this logic, a person is like a robot, a system that, depending on the failure that has occurred, can be corrected, adjusted, set more accurate coordinates. It is assumed that the system with each adjustment works more and more efficiently, and there are fewer and fewer errors.
In fact, this phrase rejects the inner world of a person, his unconscious. After all, in fact, we are not moving from the worst to the best. We are moving — in search of new meanings — from conflict to conflict, which are inevitable.
Let’s say a person showed aggression instead of sympathy and worries about it, believing that he made a mistake. He does not understand that at that moment he was not ready for anything else. Such was the state of his consciousness, such was the level of his capabilities (unless, of course, it was a conscious step, which also cannot be called a mistake, rather, an abuse, a crime).
Both the outer world and the inner world are constantly changing, and it is impossible to assume that an act committed five minutes ago will remain a mistake.
Who knows why a person steps on the same rake? Dozens of reasons are possible, including the desire to hurt oneself, or to arouse the pity of another person, or to prove something — to oneself or to someone. What’s wrong here? Yes, we need to try to understand what makes us do this. But hoping to avoid this in the future is strange.
Our life is not «Groundhog Day», where you can, having made a mistake, correct it, finding yourself at the same point after a while. Both the outer world and the inner world are constantly changing, and it is impossible to assume that an act committed five minutes ago will remain a mistake.
It makes sense to talk not about mistakes, but about the experience that we accumulate and analyze, while realizing that in the new, changed conditions, it may not be directly useful. What then gives us this experience?
The ability to gather your inner strength and act while remaining in direct contact with others and with yourself, your desires and feelings. It is this living contact that will allow each next step and moment of life — commensurate with the accumulated experience — to perceive and evaluate anew.