“My father always tried to choose some interesting or useful topic during dinner in order to develop the minds of his children. In this way, he drew our attention to good deeds and to just and prudent actions, ”wrote Benjamin Franklin in his autobiography. Question: Will your children be able to write the same about you?
Actually, there are two questions here. The first question is — do you have a tradition in your family for breakfast, lunch or dinner to get together? We do it all the time. Well, almost always. In the morning, if you need to run away quickly and at different times, not everyone succeeds together. But any opportunity to get together, with the whole family, is definitely used by us.
And you?
And the second question — what do you do together when you gather at the table together? What do you talk about at lunch or dinner? In the family of Benjamin Franklin, the father set the topic, and this topic was not accidental, but meaningful, developing horizons and mind. From conversations there was not only joy, but also a result.
And you? And what are the results of your family meetings at the table?
For many years, my wife and I made sure that at the table we were easy and fun. Our daughters chirped, once told school jokes, once bickered among themselves and offended each other with pleasure (this is their kind of entertainment), but since everything happened without malice and nicely, it suited us all. So the years passed. The girls grew up, and suddenly, listening to their comments on already adult situations, I realized that they still remained children. Turns out I didn’t teach them to think. While year after year they chirped, they only learned how to chirp. But thinking is different. I did not teach them this, and they did not learn to think …
Well! So, we will have news in our family.
Since then, our family has had order: there is no chatter at the table. Sat down, okay, a couple of phrases of an everyday nature, then any of us asks the question: “Who has what topic today? What are we going to discuss?» Essentially, the agenda is set. The topic was determined — that’s it, now there is no chatter, now we are talking only about the case, we are discussing the issue. We discuss carefully, together we clarify the theses and formulations, analyze the justifications and look for a solution. We learn to formulate our thoughts correctly, not to interrupt the interlocutor, to agree with the reasonable, not to deviate from the topic — we learn to think competently.
In fact, it doesn’t have to be boring: light humor goes well with the seriousness of the conversation. The content is serious. The form is alive.
It would not be true to say that all members of our family immediately accepted this new order with enthusiasm, but things soon improved. It turned out that in fact we have something to discuss, it turns out that I have something to tell, and several sudden deep discussions have shown us that talking seriously is much more interesting than light chatter. It turns out that thinking is interesting!
And the most curious and unexpected thing is that over time it became clear that our relations became warmer and closer. The past year has given us more for our relations than a decade and a half before. We began to trust each other more, understand each other better — and respect each other. And it’s worth it.
Question: What is your experience? Have you tried that? Will you try? Will you? And what will you be proud of?
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.