“Mom, buy it!” And then – hysteria with rolling on the floor, tears and interested glances from others. Many parents have come across this phenomenon. And they know: it’s terrible.
April 6 2019
It often happens that a child asks for something in the store, but there is no free money. How to explain this depending on the age of the child, says our consultant Anton Sorin, child psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, director of the psychological center.
Children do not yet understand what money is. For them, expensive toys are the ones they like, cheap ones are all the rest, so a kindergartner can easily exchange a robot for a simple typewriter. Most often, when a kid demands to buy something, he does not want to receive a gift, but to prove that he is able to manipulate his parents. It is not uncommon for preschoolers to beg for toys when adults do not pay attention to them, and purchases become proof of love.
What to say: for a kindergartner, money is just a word. If you say that they are not there, he will not understand. Just don’t buy if there is no way. Say, “You don’t need this.”
Parental errors: do not pander to the child. After refusal, he may think that you do not love him, punish him, and make a scandal. Make it clear that you make the decisions. The main thing is not to provoke feelings of guilt: “You have frayed all my nerves with your toys, because of you my head hurts.”
Younger schoolchildren love to count and know what amounts are large and what are small. You need to talk with them about the family budget, explain that parents go to work and receive a salary, what they spend it on, what expenses are mandatory. For clarity, you can draw diagrams. Pupils already know when it is the New Year or March 8, while kindergarteners are poorly guided in dates. Agree that expensive purchases will be timed to coincide with the holidays.
What to say: Tell me bluntly that there is no money, and explain what they went to or should go if you put it off: “We will buy it now – it will not be enough for a trip to the sea. Do you want to go? ” Offer to schedule a purchase for the next month or start saving yourself. Remember: you cannot tell your child what to spend the collected amount on. If necessary, you can borrow from him, just return it.
Parental errors: it cannot be said that funds are not enough due to the fact that you spend a lot on your child – paying for clubs, visiting a dentist. The student will start saving: when a toothache gets sick, he will keep silent so that there is enough money for a toy.
Teenagers dream of financial independence and believe that their parents deliberately limit them. They react sharply when expensive things are bought for their peers, but not for them. A systematic approach is important: allocate an amount of pocket money on a weekly basis and teach to save the surplus.
What to say: there is no money to purchase – outline the options: “We can buy the joint now if you were saving. Or let’s talk to your grandmother, aunt and wait for your birthday. ” Offer your teen to work. It is important to control where and what he does, it is better to find a place in your office or with friends. Paying for housework is wrong.
Parental errors: break the habit of sponsoring academic success and good behavior. If your child accuses you of not earning enough, do not use the example of people who are doing worse. Reproaches the financial situation of a friend’s parents? Recognize this and remind you of your own advantages: “But our family …” Do not perceive material difficulties as a tragedy, then the student will be easier to relate to them.
So that the child does not worry about the fact that there is not enough money to buy, allocate small amounts for personal needs. This will teach him how to handle finances.
You can not give out pocket money to kindergarteners, but it is better to allow the funds donated by relatives to be kept at home. Let the baby decide for himself what to spend them on.
Give the amount to primary school students daily. It’s easy to calculate: add half more to the cost of a school lunch or favorite treat. The rest he can spend or save. The amount should grow with age.
Teenagers are able to allocate a budget, finances must come in weekly. Spent before? Don’t add. In high school, you can allocate funds for going to the cinema or cafe, teach a high school student to the idea that you have to pay for them yourself. If the child could not calculate and the amount for entertainment was not enough, discuss the reasons. First time help. Has the situation repeated itself? Make a warning. For the third time, do not give in to persuasion.
When parents do not provide money, children often turn to other relatives. Talk to them and ask them not to give the required amount, it is important to adhere to one parenting model.