By expressing our anger adequately, we encourage others to consider our interests, says psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochyan. It is only important to understand that he should not take over us.
You are calmly driving a car, and suddenly someone completely shamelessly cuts you off. At the same moment, your cheeks begin to burn, your body tenses, your muscles harden… you are angry!
“Anger is one of the oldest and most powerful emotions,” says psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochyan. “It instantly and several times enhances the energy of our body, we feel a surge of strength, self-confidence.”
In anger, our ancient ancestors drew strength to defeat the opponent. But for us, their descendants, it is hardly as vital. However, skillfully managing anger, we still provide ourselves (for a while) peace of mind. But more often we perceive this emotion as unwanted and strive to contain it. And when we lose control of ourselves, we succumb to the power of anger, we feel awkward and guilty.
What are we angry about
“Outbursts of anger arise suddenly. The oldest part of the brain responsible for emotions is activated at the moment when something or someone interferes with achieving a goal, limits our physical or mental freedom, says Margarita Zhamkochyan. “At the same time, it doesn’t matter who exactly does it – a person to whom we have a frank dislike, or our own child, who scattered toys or did not do his homework. Moreover, sometimes we get angry … it is not clear why.
Anger multiplies our strength: in this state, we are ready to perform such actions and actions that we would never dare to do at another moment.
Anger is not worth fighting, it is better to strive to tame it
“It is not surprising that this emotion becomes destructive if we do not know how to handle it,” warns Margarita Zhamkochyan. “When we hold back our anger, it accumulates somewhere inside, warms up like in a steam boiler, until finally some little thing rips off the lid … And then we can’t be stopped!”
We break down on some trifle, the true reason remains incomprehensible to others, and our behavior seems inadequate.
Angry by the rules
How to manage your anger? “First of all, refrain from insults,” says Margarita Zhamkochyan. “When you have been offended, the desire to offend in return seems quite natural. But unlike animals, we humans cannot do that. We own the mind, speech, which means that, first of all, we must say about what we feel: “I am now in such anger that I am ready to just kill you!” In terms of strength, this phrase is akin to that insulting one, which usually breaks out of the tongue at the moment of a splash of emotions. However, by saying so, you do not offend anyone.
You can do the same in another situation: for example, the child did not do what you asked him to. You can call him a lazy person, a deceiver, but try to express your emotional state in a different way, say: “Everything is boiling inside me, from resentment I want to throw all your toys out the window!” As soon as this phrase sounds, your tension will subside, and you will be ready to have a constructive conversation.
We all react differently to what is happening around us. Some endure for years what others react instantly to. But in any case, anger should not be fought, it is better to strive to tame it. After all, one of the main tasks of emotions (including those that are considered negative) is to help us remain alive people.