The daughter of the famous artist Vladimir Vinokur spoke frankly about the difficulties of ballet.
August 18 2019
The 33-year-old ballerina’s revelations on Instagram are so sincere and eloquent that fans even ask her to publish her memoirs.
The girl’s first appearance on the stage took place at the age of 5 in the role of little Esmeralda on the stage of the Stanislavsky Musical Theater, where her mother Tamara Pervakova also danced.
– I was terribly afraid of Quasimodo and sobbed, but my godmother, ballerina Galina Krapivina, always reassured me, – Vinokur recalls. – I received 1 ruble for going out in the play, at that time it was very much. For three years I have been at MAKHU (Moscow Academic Art School. – Approx. “Antenna”), and then eight years of eternal struggle with nature, itself, teachers, students, parents and the eternal choice, to continue to fight or to give up. But how to live without dancing, without a stage, without this adrenaline and buzz?
– I am often asked whether to send a child to ballet (Anastasia is raising a 4-year-old son Fedor. – Approx. “Antenna”). This question is getting harder and harder to answer. As with every profession, there are two sides to the coin.
At a young age, it is not easy to determine in which direction your child will grow up in adolescence. Although sometimes you can judge by the physical and external data of the parents, heredity cannot be fooled! As in my case. She didn’t come out in height, there’s not really anyone. With my 163 cm, I always miss certain dream parties. Plus the tendency to be overweight and the eternal struggle with excess weight. I am calm about food, not picky at all, I eat to live, and not vice versa. What will be given, then I will. But weighing at the annual medical examination was hell … All methods were used to equalize this cherished difference of 20, ballet parameters! At 163 I had to weigh 43 kg, which was simply impossible with my muscular legs. I remember very well the day when I decided to change myself and set a goal. Lose weight! Then I did not yet understand the full danger of my actions for my health, which would later make themselves felt. Few people talk about this, usually everyone is silent, and someone does not even realize that such a problem exists in schools to this day. Kafelnikov’s sports diet (boiled chicken breast, cucumbers and green apples) was not enough for me. Although the first extra 4 kg went away easily. Then there were daily evaporation of excess fluid in the sauna and gym, wraps in cellophane, rubber pants, diuretics, laxatives. Weighs 5-6 times a day. I knew to the gram what I ate and drank and how much I would weigh in the morning.
All the food that my mother gave me with her to school in a thermos went down to the toilet. So 4 more cherished kilograms left (in total – 8). But before the difference, I fell short by another three. At that time, I could not speak and move, I simply did not have the strength, but only the first time, then the energy appeared from some lightness and pride that I could. I did it! Now they began to consider me, always a thug, a man, my cheeks no longer protruded from behind my ears, now I could be respected. If Vinokur could, then you can too – that was the motto of the teachers. And not only. So I held on, then broke down for three years before graduation, every day proving that I could imagine something myself, that mom or dad would not marry me to dance. Health is more important, now I understand this for sure, although I am glad that I was able to go through this, overcome myself.
I always smile and laugh, even if cats scratch my soul, but it’s probably easier for me to live this way. And many are annoyed. My indifference often saved me, I could stand in the classroom at the bench, look out the window where lilacs bloomed in the garden on Frunzenskaya, dogs walked, children played, and dream of something. All comments flew into one ear and flew into the other. After weighing, we ran to a cafe and overeat, and then it was so bad! Or they would sit in a circle in the locker room, put the berry ice cream cake on the floor and eat it all together with spoons. I never had the money for this. I was given 10 pocket rubles, 5 rubles for a drink and 5 rubles for the subway just in case the driver did not have time to pick me up from school. I borrowed money from classmates for sweets from the buffet or for rides in Gorky Park, where we ran away from lessons. Sometimes I dreamed that I ate too much. It was the worst nightmare ever!
According to Vinokur, a classical duet dance partner cannot lift a partner who weighs more than 50 kg. But Anastasia’s partner Evgeny Golovin “survived for three years,” however, lost a couple of vertebrae during this time.
– Jumping, perhaps, loved most. But the most important desire was just to dance what my soul was in. “Hold your feet, break through the corner, lower your shoulders, keep your shoulder blades, don’t mow your feet, twist your thighs!” – all these expressions rang in my head, the feeling of nails on my back and buttocks remained for a long time. And a coin that had to be squeezed between the rolls at the grand plie … There were also constant additional lessons and practice rehearsals, we were caught in the corridor, driven into the hall and closed. I always crawled under the table, the girls covered me with packs and, God forbid, by the end of the lesson they remembered me. I sincerely did not understand why I should teach four little swans, knowing that I would never dance them in my life. I remember that there was anger and bewilderment in me why I could make a diagonal rotation double on my fingers, but they don’t give me 32 fouettés practically in one place, but you’ll do 24!
The ballerina closed the 16th season at the Bolshoi Theater and recalls the beginning of work in it. Anastasia perfectly understood where she was going to work, how she had to behave.
– When you are preparing a new duet, a number, you need time to get used to each other, and, of course, at the time of trial and error you get bumps and bruises. This is fine. A true ballet dancer must go through all the steps to become a great ballet dancer. I loved to stand in the corps de ballet and sometimes really miss some of the dances. I was ready for anything, as it seemed to me, but did not think that I would face such hazing. I was kicked out of four dressing rooms. Just like that, although maybe I don’t know something, maybe I again laughed loudly somewhere … The dressers drove me around the floor before the evening performance of “Raymonda”, into which I flew in reserve in the morning. My shock then cannot be conveyed: the Saracen painting and the Hungarian dance were the most difficult for me at that time. I was ready to sit in the corridor, change clothes in the toilet, I didn’t care, as long as they didn’t touch me, didn’t scan me with their judgmental assessing glances from head to toe. I remember September 2003, my first season at the Bolshoi. I was still living with my parents then, and my mother decided to give me a nice ride to the theater in her new Mercedes convertible. But I asked to drop me off on Petrovka, before reaching the theater: I’d rather walk on foot than then be an even bigger subject of discussion for the whole day.
I, like most artists, before the opening of the season began to go in advance to study the class, which was given in the summer by Nikolai Maksimovich (Tsiskaridze. – Approx. “Antenna”). Then I was assigned to a class where all the most important ballerinas were engaged. It was scary again. The newly arrived youth had to take turns watering the then wooden floor in the ballet hall from an iron watering can. My hands were shaking, my heart squeezed from head to toe appraising glances. Passing the great and deserved through the machine, you could not water more or less, or pour a puddle in the middle. I hated this day when it was my turn to water. At 10 in the morning, six times a week, I had to observe the appearance in the form of a pink leotard, a swimsuit and a skirt, shoved into it so that it was almost never there. There was a bun on my head, pointe shoes, converted into soft shoes, toes in the middle, everything was like in school, which annoyed me terribly, so I held out for three years and ran away … I wanted some kind of freedom of action! I was scared to walk up the stairs past the sideboard to the stage on which all the greats sat, discussing you leaving in a full voice.
Colleague comment
Gedeminas Taranda, former soloist of the Bolshoi Theater:
– Our profession is really not easy. True, boys practically do not fight overweight, since the loads are too great: fat is grinded hard, everything is burned, even “nails”. For girls, everything is much more complicated here, they mature, and from the age of 16-18 it is difficult for them to maintain the desired weight. For joints, vertebrae, hips, knees, it is undesirable to lift a partner for support weighing more than 50 kg, because boys also jump. Therefore, the weight of the partner is a serious problem. Although I had to lift girls and harder. Of course, there were injuries, but they did not pay attention to it. Of course, 46 and 55 are a serious difference, but in addition to physical strength, you need to master the technique. I myself have never used a diet, only after 30 years (now the artist is 58. – Approx. “Antenna”), when injuries appear and you move closer to retirement, I had to take care of myself a little.
Fortunately, I did not come across hazing at the Bolshoi Theater. We came, and those “old men” who worked there looked at us like young puppies. If a puppy is talented and eager to fight, then he was treated with respect. You had to win that respect in the corps de ballet, a small solo part – this is always important. Although they say that there is hazing in some theaters.