My wife advised the client, or rather, they tried for a long time to formulate what the client wants. The client — his name was (for example) Mikhail, was ready to tell various problems from his life for a long time, but he did not formulate the request itself. I decided to help Marina and intervened in the conversation.
N.I. Kozlov: Mikhail, I would like to help you. Permission, Marina? Mikhail, to what extent have you managed to clearly formulate goals and objectives? What do you need from a consultation? What should be the result?
Mikhail: I have several goals.
N.I. Kozlov: First, please.
Mikhail: First: raising a daughter. How to properly orient it to the future.
N.I. Kozlov: Raising a daughter, good. Second goal?
Mikhail: The second goal: how to find your soul mate.
N.I. Kozlov: Find a good wife?
Mikhail: Yes, find a good wife. The third goal: how to build a relationship with my mom. While everything.
N.I. Kozlov: Excellent, Mikhail, three goals. Second question. These goals will require effort and investment. Michael, how long are you willing to work: hours, days, months? You tell me the timing, and I’ll tell you whether it’s realistic or not. For example, if you say one day, I will say unrealistic. Keep in mind that all three tasks are very voluminous.
Mikhail: For the first goal — how to properly raise a daughter — a period of 3 months.
N.I. Kozlov: Three months. How much time will you devote to this daily: 15 minutes, half an hour?
Michael: Half an hour.
N.I. Kozlov: Half an hour, okay. During this time, something can be done. Find a wife — how much?
Mikhail: I am ready to work for 6 months for half an hour a day.
N.I. Kozlov: Well, 6 months, half an hour a day. Total: it turns out one hour a day for 2 goals.
Mikhail: And I am ready to work for one month also for half an hour a day to improve relations with my mother.
N.I. Kozlov: It is unrealistic to build a relationship with your mother during this period.
Mikhail: I just want her and me to feel normal in this relationship.
Marina Smirnova: I will make one remark: in the half hour that we talked, for 20 minutes you talked only about your mother. Almost not a word was said about the daughter, nor any goals for upbringing, etc. But now you planned to invest much less in your relationship with your mother than in other goals.
N.I. Kozlov: Then let’s go by priorities: what is most important, where to start, and what is second. We will not pull everything at once.
Mikhail: I’ll think about it now … Maybe first I’ll take care of myself, find a wife … As they say: first put on a life jacket for yourself, then for a child …
Marina Smirnova: Is there any task that will help the completion of others?
N.I. Kozlov: And I have a proposal from Marin, a good one. I think it’s really wise for Mikhail to take care of himself, but do it in such a way as to advance in all these tasks: about himself, and about his wife, and about his daughter, and about his mother. Mikhail, I would give you homework, since you are ready to work.
Mikhail: Yes, I’m ready, let’s go.
N.I. Kozlov: Question: do you have a voice recorder? It is necessary that by the next meeting you write down your characteristic, typical conversations with your mother and daughter. interaction situations.
Marina Smirnova: You can also record telephone conversations.
N.I. Kozlov: Then you will translate this entry into text so that it is convenient for us to parse it.
Marina Smirnova: And you don’t need much. 15 minutes of conversation will be enough.
N.I. Kozlov: Maybe one or two such conversations for 15 minutes. For example, 2 conversations with my mother, some conversations with my daughter. What mom says, what you say, how you interact. What does she start, what do you start, Michael. It is necessary to understand reality.
Michael: Good.
N.I. Kozlov: According to these texts, we will be able to give specific tasks that will help you train and develop in yourself those qualities that will be useful to you in building relationships with a decent woman. You will already know that you are a decent person and know how to talk to both your daughter and your mother. It will be good preparation. Shall we decide?
Michael: Let’s decide this.
N.I. Kozlov: Then we have finished, and I suggest that we drink tea. We’ve done everything.