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When everything does not go as we would like, and it is not possible to change life on their own, many people think about meeting with a psychologist. Why is it so hard to decide?
What do we do when we have a bad pain, say, a tooth? Naturally, we run to the dentist. But when the soul hurts, when for months, or even years, insomnia, or panic attacks, or disbelief in ourselves, torment us, we do not rush for help. Meanwhile, mental experiences affect the quality of life and health no less than physical ailments.
About 60% of those who go to polyclinics with various complaints – from frequent colds to arrhythmias or hypertension – need the help of a psychotherapist or complex treatment – both medical and psychotherapeutic1. Nevertheless, only 10% of men and women resort to the help of a psychologist. What is stopping us from taking this step?
Russia has its own history
Psychotherapy has existed for a little over a hundred years (if we count from the first sessions of Sigmund Freud). In Russia at the beginning of the 1920th century there was a huge interest in scientific psychology and Freud’s practical discoveries. The Soviet government did not immediately discern the “reactionary essence” of both: in the early XNUMXs, a psychoanalytic kindergarten even operated in Moscow.
But by the mid-20s, psychoanalysis was recognized as a reactionary trend, and from that moment on, the history of psychotherapy in Russia was cut short, only to be resumed in the late 80s and early 90s. In Europe and North America, psychotherapy has come a long way over these decades, and if it has not become an obligatory part of life, then it certainly has ceased to be considered exotic and a whim of non-poor intellectuals. We are only at the beginning of the journey. And there are a lot of things we are not used to.
Who’s who among the professionals
- Psychotherapist – a specialist with a higher medical or psychological education and training in the field of psychotherapy (at least 3-4 years). In addition to theory, it includes personal therapy as a patient and one’s own practice of psychotherapeutic work under the constant supervision of a qualified specialist. The psychotherapist treats the psyche with a word, using various psychotherapeutic techniques and methods.
- Psychoanalyst – a psychotherapist who owns the method of psychoanalysis, a member of the International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA). Psychoanalytic education takes at least 8–10 years and includes theoretical and clinical training; long-term personal analysis as a patient on the couch (at least 3 times a week); the process of supervision of one’s own psychoanalytic practice. There are still few such specialists in Russia.
- Psychologist – has a higher psychological education and specializes in one of the branches of psychology (social, age, clinical, neuropsychology …). He teaches, works in companies (for example, as an HR manager), schools, kindergartens.
- Psychologist-consultant – a specialist with a higher psychological education, is engaged in psychological counseling (individual, family, professional), conducts trainings, is on duty on the helpline. It helps to clarify the situation, find a solution and restore a state of psychological comfort. Doesn’t write prescriptions or give advice.
- Psychiatrist – doctor. Diagnoses and treats those whose emotional state or perception of reality is disturbed, whose behavior harms the person or other people. Has the right to prescribe medications. Many psychiatrists also use psychotherapy methods in their work.
What’s stopping us
1. Stereotypes
Psychologists comment on various events on television and radio, in movies and serials we often see them at work – so imperceptibly many have an idea of psychotherapy that lasts for years, is expensive, and the psychotherapist is always cold and silent. This stereotype prevents us from asking for help.
But education, which leads us to achieve results, follow patterns, hinders even more. We hear from childhood: “Good girls don’t cry”, “A real boy can always stand up for himself.” There is a strong belief in us that a successful adult is able to cope with his mental problems without outside help.
“I was the eldest boy in the family, smart, someone you can rely on,” says 42-year-old Max. – In essence, I played a fatherly role in a family without a father. When I first felt insecure, I convinced myself: everything will pass. Going to a psychologist would mean signing your own weakness, then the self-image that I built would collapse … “
To question everything on which our life is based? This possibility is scary. Unconscious fear prevents you from daring to take this step – dial the phone of a specialist.
2. Opportunity for change
The familiar – even if it’s boring, obsolete, sick – is predictable and definite. The new, even the best, is scary. Often, realizing that life has led to a dead end, we prefer to stay in it. And we have a right to it.
“The situation changes when habitual behavior and environment, established relationships cause us suffering,” emphasizes Jungian analyst Lev Khegai. “But even at such moments, feeling helpless, we find many reasons to postpone going to a specialist: we either have too little money, or we have too much to do, or something else is bothering us.”
3. Fear of becoming different
We are afraid not only of changes in life, we are afraid of changing ourselves. “When I went to see a therapist a year ago, I was sure that I would turn into a different person. Now it’s funny, but then I said goodbye to myself, tried to remember my feelings, because after the therapy I will no longer be me, ”says 30-year-old Svetlana.
“It seemed to me that as soon as the therapist realized how evil I really was, he would abandon me. But as soon as I saw that no one in this office was going to give me grades and read morals, I felt better. I even began to doubt: am I really that terrible? 25-year-old Larisa admits.
“The fear of discovering something unsightly in your soul, the fear of being exposed is most often unconscious, but it is this fear that makes many people hesitate for a long time before seeking help,” says psychotherapist Marina Khazanova. – However, the psychotherapist has a completely different task: he does not change the patient’s life, but the patient himself changes in his life what does not suit him. The psychotherapist only helps him start these changes and adapt to them.
And of course, as a result of psychotherapy, the dreamer does not turn into a prudent realist, but learns to turn his dreams into reality or into artistic images. The one who is used to hiding feelings, of course, will not start throwing himself at the neck of everyone he meets, but will begin to express his emotions more frankly.
4. Attitude of others
Albina is 24 years old, and she has been going to a psychotherapist for almost a year, secretly from her friends and parents. “I’m ashamed to admit – what if they decide that I’m crazy? After all, I myself used to think that those who are not all right with their heads turn to psychologists. Everything related to mental illness is repulsive.
“But life in the modern world causes disorders in healthy people that should not be attributed to mental illness, but which deserve help,” explains Marina Khazanova. “Often they don’t need a long-term job, but they need support at a certain stage in their lives.”
5. Stuttering or timidity, work overload or shock from abuse
These reasons to seek advice are united by the inability to cope with the problem yourself. “A frank conversation with a friend, which many consider an alternative to psychological help, relieves the condition only in some situations,” emphasizes Lev Khegay. – The work of a specialist is built differently than a heart-to-heart conversation, and gives different results.
Talking out means getting short-term relief. Turning to a psychologist or psychotherapist is a chance to gain access to your deepest resources, to realize your potential.
“Those who come to psychotherapy are no more crazy people and even no more unhappy than many others,” says psychotherapist Ekaterina Mikhailova. “It’s just that they are more informed and more active. The one who consciously spends money to solve their problems behaves much more mature than the one who prefers to burden family and friends with it.
What is the purpose of therapy
What do we gain by spending 10, 50, or 90 hours in a therapist’s office? And is it true that therapy really changes our lives so much? “A psychotherapist is neither God nor a magician,” explains psychotherapist Marina Khazanova. “He can’t and doesn’t intend to turn patients into other people.
He has a different task – to help part with illusions, heal emotional wounds, extract painful memories from the depths of memory. Extract, in order to finally mourn and forget what needs to be forgotten, and leave the experience for yourself – after all, it is contained in every one of our experiences.
It takes tremendous psychic strength to keep your fears and painful memories in the depths of your soul. These forces must be released for life. The ultimate goal of any therapy can be formulated in this way: to free the psychic forces of a person for life and creativity, to teach him new ways of resolving conflicts, communicating with other people and with himself.
1 From the report of the psychotherapist Günther Mebert at the conference “Psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychotherapy in Russia and Germany: theory and practice” (Moscow, May 2009).