Sadness is one of our main emotions, usually it occurs as a reaction to loss. Take these feelings seriously and don’t try to suppress them. After all, by blocking the “psychic energy” that they carry, you can harm yourself.
Suppressed emotions provoke mental and physiological stress, which wears out the body and causes various symptoms: depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, hypertension, problems with the gastrointestinal tract and much more.
To allow emotions to flow freely, we must feel safe. If we know what to expect from these experiences, it is much easier to deal with them. And they themselves will become less painful. The support of friends and family can help.
Unfortunately, in modern society, no one gives us the necessary knowledge about our own emotions.
Don’t try to help immediately
“As a psychotherapist, I work mainly with trauma and emotions. Over time, I learned an important lesson: sometimes you just need to allow a person to be sad, without immediately trying to help him and “fix” his condition. I realized that all I can do in such situations is just to be there and, if necessary, support. And that’s enough,” says psychotherapist Hillary Jacobs Hendel.
A person can hide his longing and sadness if he is ashamed, shy, or simply does not want to burden you with his experiences. Because of this, it is more difficult for him to live these emotions to the end and experience relief.
If you want to help him, try not to say phrases like: “Well, stop being sad” or “Stop remembering this.” A person who is sad usually does not need us to look for solutions to his problems. This is not our task.
Expressing emotional support is usually sufficient: “Is there anything I can do for you? Maybe a cup of tea? Sadness and grief are not limited to a clear time frame. Feelings weaken only when we are ready for it.
“Many of my patients have said, ‘It’s time for me to stop grieving.’ I always remind them that each of us is unique and each grief is different from all others,” says Jacobs Hendel.
Everyone experiences grief at their own pace. Offer to talk, but don’t be too intrusive: “If you want to talk, I’m ready.”
Sometimes words won’t help. Just be there. If appropriate, express your sympathy physically. Hug your loved one, let him cry on your shoulder, hold hands.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Our loved ones, alas, are not able to read our thoughts. Many mistakenly believe that a person in anguish needs to be “helped” immediately. Friends and relatives, seeing our condition, are often at a loss and may even behave tactlessly – simply because they do not know what to do and the whole situation is unpleasant for them.
If we want to avoid this, it is better to state directly what we need at this difficult moment. Let’s say your already adult child just recently left, began to live separately, and you are very homesick. Your partner, seeing how hard it is for you, tries to help: “Yes, it’s okay.”
You can answer, “I’m sad. Please, just let me be sad. If you want to help, you can hug me if I start to cry, and just listen if I want to talk. There is no more to say or do. Can you do that?”
Most likely, it will also become easier for another when he clearly knows what needs to be done.
You are able to help yourself
When it’s hard for us, we can alleviate our condition. It is important to have empathy for yourself and your feelings. Don’t try to force your mood. Longing and grief are already painful enough, you should not aggravate them by scolding and condemning yourself.
“Treat your feelings with respect. Ask yourself what you really need right now, and don’t deny yourself the support you need. And most importantly, treat yourself with the same love and care that you would show a loved one in a similar situation,” recommends Hillary Jacobs Hendel.