“All the best for children!” — a beautiful slogan and suggestion that educates parasites. Indeed, why should a child grow up if, as an adult, he has fewer privileges, but more duties and troubles? Here children grow up and are not in a hurry: they play “I am small”, play weakness “Take me in your arms”, play fool “I don’t understand anything”, learn to make miserable eyes, master learned helplessness. Mothers and grandmothers are more often led to this, they like to take care and feel sorry, they will put on a fur coat for the child and tie his shoelaces, even when the child asks: “Grandma, I myself!” “I’ll only help you!” the grandmother says without unbending, accustoming the child to the fact that the elders should do everything for him. That’s right, because all the best is for children?
It is not right. All the best should be for those who deserve it. If today dad worked the most in the family, respect is first of all for him. If we remember that we were all brought up and raised by our old grandmother, care and attention to the grandmother. And let the granddaughter help set the table, because we don’t feed idlers. The head of the family is the one who provides for the family, and not the one who screams the loudest. Adults (real adults!) always have an advantage over any children, because they have already become smart, and children are just becoming.
Only when children know that all the best is for adults do they have a real desire to grow up. Adults may go to bed later. Adults can participate in the family council. Adults are more important than younger ones, so older children have the right to lead the younger ones.
In many families, the birth of a second child gives rise to serious difficulties with the first. If parents believe that all the best goes to the little one, the smallest one, it is the little one who becomes the main one. If it is the helpless and screaming who gets the best here, the older ones also begin to demonstrate that they are also helpless and also scream. Family terror comes. But it can be avoided as soon as the roles are reversed.
Nikita is 6 years old, Nastya is 3,5 years old. Nastya has the title of “baby doll” in the family, and Nikita is already a “younger student”. He is already studying, so «student», but not yet in a real school, so «younger student». When Nastya was born and her parents turned their attention to Nastya, Nikita became jealous, Nastya became his rival, he was looking for an opportunity to do something nasty to her. When the parents built the relationship “All the best for adults”, the relationship of the children became completely different. What and why? Nikita, as a senior, now has rights that Nastya does not yet have. At family councils, where it is decided what and when to buy for the family, adults and children, Nikita already has the right to vote, but Nastya does not. Nikita can already eat sausages and sweets, but Nastya is not yet.
It is curious that Nastya treats this with complete understanding and calmness. At a party, she was offered sausages, Nastya refused them: “I can’t, I’m not yet four years old.” She says it calmly, because she knows that soon she will be able to do it.
Now Nikita, as a senior, takes care of Nastya. Nikita wants to play, but Nastya needs to go to bed, and one excludes the other. Mom asks Nikita: “Nikita, what will we do? You are the senior, you decide this issue. If you decide that you need to play now, you can, but then Nastya does not go to bed and it seems that tomorrow she will be completely sleepy. If you decide that it’s time for Nastya to sleep, then you need to wait with the game. Nikita thought, decided: «We need to put Nastya to bed, I’ll play later!»
There is also Vanya in this family, he is 2 years old. He somehow burst into tears in resentment (“why doesn’t mom play with me?”), He wants his mother’s attention. Yes, but if mom works at home, then she needs to work. What to do? Mom hugged Vanya and told him: “Vanya, why are you coming to me right away? If you need to feel sorry, then first go to Nikita, he is our eldest. I’m sure he will help you. And if it doesn’t work out, then be sure to come back to me. I love you. Run to Nikita! Vanya ran, began to hug Nikita and instantly calmed down. It seems that he liked hugging Nikita even more than hugging his mother: mom is too big, and his brother is more comfortable. And Nikita was proud of himself.
Reader’s Notes
I, like a grandmother, visiting my daughter, we all sit down to eat at the table. The daughter pours soup into a bowl, first for her husband, then for herself, then for her daughter. The little girl asks with resentment: “Why do they always pour me the last, I want to be the first to pour!” Mom calmly replies: “I pour it like that, because in the family everyone gets their turn according to their contribution to the family. Dad invests the most — brings money, works hard, does everything around the house and fixes and repairs things. I cook, clean, do laundry, work with you on your development, help dad in his affairs. And while you bring the least benefit to the family … »
And gradually he starts talking about the fact that each person has his own duties and rights, both in the family and in society, and the more a person brings benefits to others, the more he receives from society for his efforts. And more and more he begins to transfer the conversation to his daughter: “What can you do to contribute to the family?” Our little one began to list her contributions: I clean up the dishes, set the table for dinner, study my lessons. I can remove “Baba Shura” (turn on “Baba Shura”, this is when the granddaughter grumbles like an old grandmother, then she is tired, then her finger hurts, then “Here again, you need to glue ads to go (with mom)”, …, constantly boo- boo-boo has already lasted a whole year, and the fight against these phenomena has not yet led to a final victory).
After this conversation on the contributions of each member to the family, the child realized that we receive everything in life for a reason, that we need not only to receive from others, but also to invest a lot of our own strength in loved ones, family and society. And she had a new obligation in the family — to vacuum the apartment and wash the dishes not only for herself, but also for other family members (of course, everything is within her power, large pots, etc. are not given). So the format was built — to contribute to the family — to fulfill their obligations.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.