Contents
We often call ourselves perfectionists, sometimes even neurotics. And sometimes we conclude that all neurotics are terrible perfectionists. But let’s first figure out who is who, and then find out if these concepts are related.
«Neurotic» is an outdated term. It used to be called people who had neurotic personality traits or suffered from neuroses, but now the concept of «neurosis» is not used in medicine. Partly because the word «neurotic» has become a stigmatizing concept, denoting a person who is insecure, strange, perhaps somewhat twitchy.
The concept of «perfectionism» is also often misunderstood. It is important to understand that perfectionism is not a diagnosis, but a certain set of beliefs and habits. But perfectionism can be non-clinical and clinical.
In essence, it is a tendency to treat everything that is not ideal as unacceptable. In its clinical form, perfectionism is the desire for some self-invented ideal, high standards, even if it harms work, study or other areas of life.
The essence of perfectionism
The concept of «perfectionism» includes three components:
- Certain beliefs that a person holds.
- The drive to take action as a result of these beliefs.
- Pronounced negative consequences of this desire.
Where does perfectionism come from? There are three main theories that explain why a person becomes a perfectionist:
- Learning. We learn perfectionism, we learn from others. For example, in significant adults — parents.
- Having certain beliefs. Certain life experiences can form beliefs, such as «To be valuable, I must be the best.»
- biological factors. In this case, it’s genetics.
How perfectionism manifests itself
Perfectionist tends to:
- over-preparing for an important event;
- constantly check and clarify with relatives whether his work is good;
- «educate» loved ones;
- overplanning;
- procrastinate;
- avoid situations in which there is a risk of «losing»;
- experience difficulties with delegation.
Researchers have proven that perfectionism is a transdiagnostic concept. That is, this set of beliefs and habits can provoke some mental illnesses: depression, OCD, anxiety disorders, eating disorders. It can also indicate bipolar affective disorder and personality disorders.
So the expression “all neurotics are perfectionists” is only partly true. And only if by neuroticism we mean mental disorders.
Are you a perfectionist or not?
How to understand that you are a perfectionist? The easiest way is to go to a psychiatrist, psychologist or psychotherapist and ask this question. Sometimes diagnostic questionnaires are used for clarification: “R. Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale”, “Hewitt-Flett Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale”.
When working with perfectionism, you need to immediately understand in what form it manifests itself: whether it is clinical or moderate perfectionism, whether there are any other pronounced conditions: depression, OCD, and others.
How to beat perfectionism
At the moment, several types of evidence-based psychotherapy are most effectively dealing with perfectionism: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), ACT psychotherapy (acceptance and responsibility therapy), MBCT psychotherapy (mindfulness-based cognitive therapy).
But there are some things you can do yourself.
- Ask yourself a few questions: do you prefer not to do anything at all, or do you still get, if not excellent, but not bad results? Do you have scientific evidence that focusing on just one process will bring more results than developing in several directions?
- Read about the Yerkes-Dodson law, which states that we achieve the best results with an average level of motivation. This knowledge can be comforting.
- Practice self-help exercises. For example, make some small mistake or slip of the tongue in front of others and see if they notice, show they notice.
- Meditate. For example, according to the book Mindfulness by Danny Penman.