“All my friends are married, and I?”: how this attitude spoils our lives

Marriage has long been a symbol of female success and stability in life. For a woman, for most of our history, getting married meant not only getting recognition from others, but also making sure of her own beauty, attractiveness, and demand for herself.

The importance of marriage in our country increased in the post-war period, when men were worth their weight in gold and marrying a hard-working person was the height of success. A married woman received an assistant, stability and confirmation that she was really worthy. Times are changing, but trails from the past are still lingering…

Another reason for the race for marriage lies in what is happening around today. Look at the smiling parents with their children from the billboards. The same images in commercials. Girlfriends getting married one after another. Relatives with the same: “And the clock is ticking!” How can you not think about it? Under the onslaught of history and the surrounding reality, a woman begins to feel a burning desire to get married. And gets very frustrated when it doesn’t work out.

First of all, understand that marriage itself as an action will not bring you absolutely nothing. It’s easy to get married. But marrying a beloved, worthy, promising man with whom you will be emotionally close and next to whom your needs will be satisfied is all far from a wedding ceremony, a stamp in your passport and colorful ideas about a handsome prince.

Only a multi-level process can give this, in which two people see each other in different situations, learn to negotiate, test each other for compatibility and make sure that they both want to be together, which leads to the natural maturation of the desire to marry.

Let’s say you firmly decided to get what you want – a wedding, the status of a wife. What exactly are you chasing? Do you really want what you envy? You can’t know for sure how your girlfriends’ marriage turned out. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, what their relationship is made of in reality.

Therefore, before setting the goal of “catching up with friends at all costs”, it is important to understand that, of course, it is possible to catch up, but will this race have the result you want? Would you like to run away from what you have worked so hard to achieve?

If a woman jumps over the natural stages of a relationship for the sake of a ring on her finger – falling in love, the test of time, the maturation of a natural desire to be together – then she will probably receive a wedding and the status of a wife. But then a cat in a poke awaits her. To persuade a man to marry and get what he wants is one thing. But what’s next?

In most cases, such “collected on the knee” marriages end before they even begin. However, if they do not end, there is a risk that the relationship will gradually become unbearable for both, because people do not really know each other and do not know how to communicate.

The fruit of love does not have time to ripen to adult love – attachment, so the relationship remains raw. Adaptation to each other and “germination” into each other does not occur. Do not forget that relationships in marriage impose responsibility: this is not a candy-bouquet period, but a full-fledged life together, in which you will have to deal with various everyday issues and find compromises. Mutual help and support is indispensable here. What happens?

Wedding festivities died down, and after them – only everyday life and routine. One crack, the second … And now all relationships are permeated through them. In the end, everything collapses. Or it persists, but, like rust, corrodes people until one of them decides to end the relationship. Marrying the first person who agrees is like buying a ticket at random at the airport. Where you will land is unknown.

Such experiments take a lot of time. If, instead of a rational approach to building relationships, a woman on a gallop, in order to keep up with her friends, gets married, then the exit from these relationships can be delayed for a long time. What remains in the dry residue? The passport has marriage and divorce stamps. Plus negative emotions, a blow to self-esteem and self-confidence, disappointment and the need to start all over again.

Even shoes in the store, we sometimes choose longer. After all, you want to find exactly that pair of shoes that will be comfortable and beautiful, right? It would be desirable to “measure” a man before associating life with him. Unfortunately, women whose goal is only the status of their wife, and not the quality of the relationship, devote too little time to this “fitting”.