All-conquering optimism

— FOR WHAT?! — under the arches of the throne room, a desperate cry of a man was heard, already twisted by the guards and taken out the door.

The court psychologist of King Tion the Fourth grimaced in displeasure. This was the fifth incident in his week in office. And, judging by the stories of old-timers, such incidents were far from isolated. Looks like it’s time to get to work.

“Your Majesty,” the psychologist began, turning to the king. «Don’t you think you’re too cruel to the poor fellow?» After all, he didn’t even do anything.

“He brought bad news,” the king muttered grimly. — You should be punished for this.

— Since when is the news of the birth of a child, especially with one of Your Majesty’s official wives, bad? – the Councilor was surprised. — You should rejoice at the appearance of an heir!

“Not at this fool, Countess Cotai!” the king muttered, still gloomily. — On the face of it, she is good, but in their family there are continuous mental deviations. And why do I need a stupid or, even worse, an insane heir?

“Your Majesty, you exaggerate. Or …, — the psychologist thought for a second. Or are you a pessimist?

— Who?! the king was surprised. — It is an insult?!

— No no! – the Counselor hastened to justify himself. “It’s just that all people are divided into two types. Some people prefer to see only the good in everything, we call them optimists. Others, opposite to them, noticing only the bad, are pessimists. You, Your Majesty, seem to fall into the second category. I’ve been watching you on purpose. Any news, even good news, seems very bad to you. And I was still wondering why people who had already been sentenced were instructed to tell you the news.

— And where can I see this good? the king asked with unexpected interest. – For example, a dragon flew to us from the neighbors a couple of weeks ago and burned several villages before it was shot down. What’s good?

“Well, since the dragon had flown in from the neighbors, he was already tired. If he were in full force, the matter would not have ended with a few villages. Yes, and the neighbors, most likely, the dragon burned something, which weakened them at least to a small extent.

“Hmm… What if an army of wild orcs invades us?”

— A good reason to shake up the lazy army. Yes, and numerous feats will be sung by minstrels and sculptors, which again will increase the glory of the kingdom.

“And if we are beaten?” the king asked.

So the army is rubbish. There is a reason to think and try to correct mistakes in order to prevent them in the future, — the Counselor cheerfully responded.

— And if the orcs also burn the capital?

Let’s build a new one, even better! And then they poked houses without any plan, you can get lost.

“Hmm…,” the king thought again, looking around at his courtiers. “Baron Wood has a big wart on his nose. Is this good for him?

— Very well! – responded the Excited Advisor. It makes him stand out among other people.

— In my opinion, this ugliness makes him stand out only in a bad light.

“The fact that Your Majesty’s gaze first fell on him already speaks of what distinguishes him in a good way. You will definitely not forget this person.

“Hmm…” the king glanced at the courtiers again. — But the wife is cheating on Count Toucan.

It’s good, he has a wife. There is an island of stability in his life.

“And Duke Riggi doesn’t have a wife,” the king sarcastically tried to seize the initiative.

So he is free in body and soul. He has everything ahead!

“Is it good that the Royal Paladin General is only interested in boys?”

— Certainly! For many young people looking for a match, there is one less competitor.

— Enough! the king suddenly barked, anticipating defeat in this dispute. You are looking for the good everywhere. But if, — there were gloomy notes in his voice. — I will order you to be executed for gu.e.st, will that be good too ?!

A chill ran down the psychologist’s back, but he was not going to retreat.

— Of course good! – he answered just as cheerfully and joyfully. — Firstly, the abolition of my position will save a lot of money that can be spent on more useful projects. And secondly, according to my faith, a violent death is equivalent to martyrdom, so I will automatically go to heaven. Is it bad?!

— This is good! — with a stunned look, the king replied, struck by the persuasiveness of the arguments. “But… but… how to learn all this?”

“That’s what my position is for,” the Counselor began, hiding a sigh of relief. — I have many teaching methods that will allow Your Majesty to change the outlook on life. Well, let’s start…

The courtiers slowly dispersed, throwing reverent glances at the new Councillor. Tion the Fourth, nicknamed the Gloomy, was a real disaster for his subjects, and if someone manages to change him, that person must certainly become the hero of the whole kingdom.

Ten years later.

The leader of the ferocious Eastern Orcs, the Horned Rodent solemnly walked through the royal palace towards the throne room. Who would have thought that everything would go like clockwork. His horde, which invaded this rich kingdom a week ago, easily crushed the local army, captured the capital in just a day and now proceeded to plunder it. The richest booty, of course, was in the royal palace. But the Horned One, who was considered very smart by Orc standards, decided that this was not enough. Now, if only to become a local ruler, and even recognized by all neighbors. But for this, the former ruler, what is his name …. Tion the Fourth, had to sign a renunciation in favor of the Rodent.

Silence reigned in the throne room. All the courtiers fled to their homes, trying to hide their treasures away from the raking paws of the conquerors. And only the king with an indifferent look sat on the steps in front of the throne and played chess with his Advisor.

“Tion the Fourth!” the orc yelled furiously. “I crushed your pitiful army!”

“I agree,” the king replied without taking his eyes off the board. — Next time we will be smarter and pay more attention to this issue.

“I crushed your generals!!! — the leader did not let up.

— Clumsy. They were also called the elite. It will be necessary to open the Military Academy.

“I broke the gates of the city!”

“Definitely execute the contractors. Now I know what they saved on.

Why execute? It is better to seize their property in favor of the treasury, and send them to corrective labor, to compensate for the damage. At the same time, we will solve the problem of cheap labor, is that good? – the adviser entered into a dialogue.

— It’s just wonderful! The king smiled as he made his move. — By the way, shah.

“My warriors have taken over the country!” — Outraged at being ignored, the Horned One growled.

That’s good, I hope they like it here.

“They will rape your wives!”

“The next generation will be strong and strong.

«They will burn your houses!»

“At the same time, we will get rid of this archaic architecture.

Let’s destroy your cities!

— That’s the reason for redevelopment of the capital.

We will take all your wealth!

“Gold corrupts the soul. Let’s develop spiritually.

We’ll take your throne!

— At the same time, I’ll have a rest, otherwise I haven’t been able to relax normally for almost twenty years.

— We! We!… – the leader became nervous, dumbfounded by such resistance. «Then we’ll kill you!»

“A good reason to canonize me,” the king replied without raising his head. “Descendants will not forget my name.

“And statues, Your Majesty!” – the Councilor entered again. – Statues of the heroically dead King! If anything, I know a couple of young and talented sculptors, they will do everything that is necessary. You, by the way, mat.

— I see, but I almost won this time.

“Your skill is growing before our eyes, Your Majesty. This is what it means to look at the world positively without breaking the board after a dozen defeats in a row.

The dumbfounded orc chieftain fell to his knees. Prior to this, he met with many rulers crushed by him. He openly despised some, respected some, but he had never met such a terrible rebuff. Despite the fact that the king agreed with all his demands, for some reason the Horned One felt like a loser.

You are a great shaman! he said hoarsely. I won, but I also lost! What have you done to me! How could you defeat me?!

— How? The king scratched his head thoughtfully. — Well, you’d better talk about it with my Counselor, he understands more than me.

“With pleasure, Your Majesty,” the Councilor jumped up happily. — At the same time, we will study in detail the psychology of wild conquerors, — and, going up to the Horned One, he began. — Well, before explaining, I would still like to know what are the reasons for your aggressiveness. Why did such a wild and proud people suddenly withdraw from their place and set off on a great campaign?

“We are great warriors,” the Horned One replied stifledly, feeling his mind darken. We must be the strongest!

“It looks like an inferiority complex,” the Counselor smiled contentedly. – But nothing, I think that in a week we will deal with this.

The Horned One was powerless. All his power and fury evaporated somewhere, and he, limply led through the palace labyrinth, entangled in a web of incomprehensible words, told the one walking nearby about his childhood, about his family, about the life of the orcs.

And the king … The king calmly opened his diary, which he had been keeping for a long time on the advice of a psychologist, and, smiling, left another entry in it:

“The population of the city has increased significantly, and it seems that I have solved the problem of recruiting a new army. You should double your Councillor’s salary. All-conquering optimism, combined with indifference, is really a terrible force … »