Alina and Alexander Lazarev: “We are different. And very similar!

The details of their lives are not on the short list of newspaper chroniclers. After all, they are well aware that Alexander Lazarev Jr., the leading artist of the Lenkom Theater, has not changed on the personal front – at least for the last twenty-odd years. Friend of youth, wife and mother of his children – the daughters of Polina and the son of Sergei – the fragile and dark-eyed Alina is hardly as tall as her outstanding husband in every sense. And with this difference in build (as well as the constancy of their union), they subtly resemble Sasha’s parents – Svetlana Nemolyaeva and Alexander Lazarev.

Their mutual attraction is obvious to anyone, and at the same time, their characters can hardly be called opposite. Although there really are enough differences: he is an actor by profession, she is a translator of children’s literature; he is a homebody, she is incredibly sociable; he is serious and responsible, she is funny and easy-going; he is a “lark”, she is an “owl” … “It’s just that we are very similar, and that’s why it’s so easy for us,” Alina is sure. “It’s just that when there is love, the rest doesn’t matter,” Alexander is convinced.

It may very well be. Although their story began with friendship.

Psychologies: You have known each other since your school days. How did it all start between you?

Alina Lazareva: We studied at neighboring schools and sometimes met in a common company. Sasha was a good cute boy. I remember he had such beautiful blue sneakers with a yellow emblem of a well-known company, which was very rare then …

Alexander Lazarev: It was always possible to chat with Alina about something, and I liked that these conversations did not oblige me to anything. There was no such thing that now she would tighten her lips and leave. No girly tricks on her part! She was very sociable and charming. But our feelings came much later.

Do you remember this moment?

She is: A few years later, we met at Sasha’s house … Although for me, probably, there were some signs even before that. Not that serious … Well, firstly, I have long envied my girlfriend, who had the surname Lazareva – for some reason I also wanted such a surname. Secondly, I really liked the house in which Sasha lived, I told my mother in the fifth grade that I would live in it. Thirdly, when I called his apartment and Sasha opened the door, the first thing I saw was the inscription on his T-shirt: “May 15”, and this is my birthday. Isn’t it fate? Such coincidences are, of course, puzzling.

Is he: I do not think that we are generally capable of clearly realizing at any particular moment whether he is destiny or not. There was just a spark between us. I remember that same evening I told a friend: “I’m marrying this girl.” Did I think about fate then? Unlikely. You see, in young years everything is decided at once – quickly, easily. Later it turned out that this was my most correct, most important decision. It even seems to me that if I had begun to think hard at that moment – with whom, why, why – it is still unknown what would happen next. The same thing happened with the actual marriage: we planned to graduate from institutes, find a job, earn money and get married in four years. But it turned out that after six months I came to Alina’s house and said: “Let’s get married.” I just didn’t see the point in waiting any longer.

What played the main role?

She is: For me personally, the decisive factor was that Sasha could be trusted entirely – never expect anything bad from him. He is very reliable, decent, no matter how trite it may sound. Not a traitor. In principle, for me, this is all that is needed.

Is he: I can say the same. Only if Alina realized this about me after some time, I felt it about her right away, in the very first second. She is a very reliable and strong person. (Laughs.) Which, with Alina’s height, may seem strange.

That is, in a pair you are for each other, first of all, protection and support?

Is he: I think she’s more protective of me. I just have a more complicated relationship with the outside world.

She is: And he surprises me. I remember when I found out I was expecting a baby. At that moment, it seemed like the collapse of all my plans: I had a free life, money, an interesting job … Everything went perfectly, and I was not at all ready to give birth at the age of 23! But I was struck by Sasha’s incredible joy about the unborn child. This, probably, manifested his hereditary craving for family life. I don’t have this – my parents have been divorced for many years, and Sasha has a very patriarchal family. Apparently, this, too, unconsciously attracted me to him. And yet … he is very cute! (Laughs.) By the way, he turned out to be a really brilliant father.

Many lovers have to rediscover each other when they start living together. Did you have any surprises?

Is he: Certainly! I am a “lark”, Alina is an “owl”, I am neat and pedant, for Alina order … is not so important. At first I tried to educate her. A couple of years, probably. We argued, we fought. And then I realized that it was pointless to put pressure on her. After all, I also understand that my desire to put everything on the shelves is a kind of “fad”. Which Alina’s love of disorder partly balances. Well, sometimes, maybe she will screw the cap on the tube of toothpaste so as not to upset me … (Laughs.)

She is: Of course, I am terribly confused by all these caps that must be twisted, and shirts that must lie strictly in color! But Sasha is angry, he cannot laugh at my stupid attitude to everything. I am generally a very light person. I don’t pay attention to many things optimistically: it will blow over – well, that’s good. Sasha takes everything very seriously.

What helped build rapport?

She is: It became absolutely clear to me that it was useless to re-educate others when Polina appeared with us. Because she was immediately born with her own character, rhythm of life, habits. It simply struck me: if a baby’s character is so formed, what can be demanded of an adult? I think you just need to relax and stop pulling the blanket over yourself. Because if you are comfortable with a person, well, then why correct him? Sasha has such a feature that annoys me: he often gets nervous, if something doesn’t work out, he starts up with half a turn. But on the other hand, he will not rest until he achieves his goal, and this simply delights me – this is his habit of bringing everything to the end, achieving results. So, if you think about it, always: what angers is connected with something good. And you need to remember this. It’s also important to talk about everything. Do not sit in the corners pouting, do not cultivate resentment in yourself. Fortunately, we are both open people. If Sasha was an introvert, we would hardly have been able to live so long. If the other conceals everything in himself, is silent, how can I find out what is in his soul there?

She is: It became especially difficult when Polina appeared. It turned out that our educational methods did not suit the older generation at all! We tried to harden Polya, doused her with cold water, but Sasha’s parents were worried. Alexander Sergeevich shouted in horror that we should be deprived of parental rights! On the other hand, they really wanted us to live with them. In general, we lacked freedom. Although I am incredibly grateful to Sasha’s mother for accepting me immediately and unconditionally. For her feminine wisdom – after all, he and I were only 21 years old!

That moment was the main test of strength?

Is he: Yes, there were no special tests!

She is: There was another moment when Sasha became a famous artist and he had a lot of fans. Sometimes I think: if I were a man around whom there are so many beautiful girls, I would definitely start some kind of romance – just out of curiosity. And she even wondered: why is Sasha not at all interested in this?

Is he: You know, at some festival, my dad was met by his old friend. He asks: “Are you all married to Svetka?” – “Yes”. “What an inquisitive you are!” So I’m kind of incurious!

Today, many couples find it difficult to build relationships in connection with income: one has a job, the other does not; She earns more, he earns less…

Is he: At first, Alina really received twice as much at her work: I, in Lenkom, earned 180 rubles, and she earned 300. And, of course, I was terribly complex that I was living at her expense. But she always reassured me.

She is: If one in a couple succeeds in earning money, while the other does not, what’s wrong with that? After all, Sasha did not sit idle, but tried, worked. In addition, I knew that I was marrying a theater artist and that 110 rubles a month was forever. I was lucky that at that moment a good knowledge of English was rare and I was in demand. I said to myself: today I earn, and tomorrow – he. And so it happened. I think the most important thing in a relationship is…

Is he: …do not force anything.

She is: Do not force and do not harm! Do not do it out of spite, do not try to pry and do not count: “I washed so many dishes, and you washed so many.” What is good about Sasha is that he is not at all harmful. And not greedy. Of course, it happens to be grouchy and boring, but I’m a rare indifference, and this saves me! (Laughs.)

Today, Alina, you do not work – are you not jealous of your husband for an active life?

She is: No, he’s jealous of me! (Both laugh.) I don’t feel like I’m losing anything in my lifetime. When I worked, I thought that all housewives were the most primitive creatures, and I felt sorry for them very much: poor, all day long only a stove and cleaning, you can go crazy in four walls with two children. But the work took so much time and energy from me that there was nothing left for the family. And one day I realized that doing homework is more important for me. I’m not an ambitious person, that’s the point! And then, he does not push me aside. If he wants to go somewhere, we go together. But usually he does not go anywhere, he likes to sit in silence. And I love the city!

And how do you find a compromise?

She is: Most of the time I just do what he wants. If I don’t go to the dacha, you’ll be grumbling all weekend! And I give in. Because, first of all, I am a woman. And secondly, I take everything calmer – unlike him! (Laughs.)

Is he: Still, it should be the other way around – for a man to yield more often. But I also try not to insist if I see that she really doesn’t want something.

What does it mean to you to be a couple today, 23 years later?

Is he: Alina and I are still friends, this is the most important thing. By and large, my best friend is her. No offense to others will be said. We never had the desire to scatter or somehow defend our territory. We are always together, we don’t even go to rest separately. Maybe we just haven’t lived up to the moment when we want to do everything separately, and we still have everything ahead of us?

Are you thinking about the future?

Is he: I haven’t thought about it and don’t want to. Don’t even ask!

She is: You know, we recently admitted to each other that in the future we would very much like grandchildren. Surprisingly, I could not have thought of this before! But it seems to me that I will be a good grandmother, and Sasha will be a good grandfather. We will be a funny couple, each with his own oddities. But in general, of course, our happy future depends on the happiness of children. Their affairs now worry more than their own.

A few years ago, in an interview with our magazine, Alexander said that he feels you, Alina, as his second “I”, despite all the differences *. Do you have the same feelings?

She is: Of course, because I already live with Sasha more than I lived without him. During this time, he became a part of me, and I – his. Though I wouldn’t think about tomorrow. We are living people, and no one knows what will happen in life. Maybe I’ll say sedition now, but, in my opinion, the institution of marriage has largely outlived its usefulness by our XNUMXst century. It is happiness if you have found someone with whom you feel good for a long time. And he is with you. Here, somewhere at the top, this puzzle has developed – and between us there is still one whole. And we are happy. Today it is.

* Psychologies, 2006, # 2, February