Building working relationships with colleagues is not easy, with superiors even more difficult. Especially if you begin to notice the real dictatorial habits in the leader. About how to deal with unfair and even openly tyrannical attitude towards yourself, in the new column of the recruiting expert and the founder of the Anti-Slavery project Alena Vladimirskaya.
Is he a tyrant?
Sad but true: we often talk about tyranny on the part of superiors in those cases when we ourselves are incompetent in something. The principle of shifting responsibility is triggered: “I can’t be to blame for everything myself?”
Of course, the cases are different, but my practice shows that the phrase “My boss is a tyrant” often comes from those who simply do not understand the requirements of the leadership or, for one reason or another, cannot fulfill them. Accordingly, the leader turns into an irritated, evil tyrant who is not satisfied with the quality of the employee’s work.
Please note: if only you are tyrannized, and the rest speak of Ivan Ivanovich as an adequate leader, this is your case. You either do not cope with what is expected of you, or you do not understand each other.
If the boss is a tyrant with everyone, then it is important to understand what type he belongs to
How to be? Find a person who has been working successfully for a long time under the supervision of a boss and talk to him. Ask: “Why do you think Ivan Ivanovich and I can’t communicate normally? What do I need to change? Consult with the «old guard» on how to competently communicate with him, and if the problem is in competence, either go and study to the level of your position, or move to another position where you will definitely cope with the tasks.
But all this will work if only you are being bullied. If the boss is a tyrant with everyone, then it is important to understand what type he belongs to. There are several.
Types of tyrants
Tyrant of control. The boss, who controls every step of your work to the smallest detail, requires a senselessly huge amount of reports, papers, and approvals. This is the worst option for those professionals who themselves are charismatic, responsible and competent enough to take on most of the work on their own, without constant looking at the management. There are two possible strategies here.
1. Immediately defend your positions. Initiate an honest, open conversation and agree on specific work milestones that you will report on, and the rest — «you hired a professional, so let him do his job.» I must say right away that there is a chance of reaching an agreement, but it is no more than 15-20%. It is extremely difficult to change the «tyrant of control»: he can agree with you, and then still do as he is used to.
2. Look for a new position with a different type of leader, or wait at your current job until your patience runs out, and then again go look for a new one. In any case, this alignment is inevitable: a super-independent specialist and a super-controlling leader will never get along in one project.
Psychological tyrant. Psychologically suppresses and humiliates subordinates, showing with all his behavior that he is smarter, more competent, more competent.
You can try to perceive this situation as a role-playing game and gradually squeeze such a boss out of the psychological comfort zone. It is done like this: you are constantly being told that you are a stupid, incompetent worker, that you did everything wrong and that you don’t know how to work at all? Even if you are 100% sure that this is not the case, do not argue. Agree, but partially.
Psychological tyranny will never completely go away, but the intensity can be significantly reduced.
It would be more correct to answer: “Yes, perhaps I am wrong about something. But on the other hand, he did everything here and here, ”and back up what was said with irrefutable facts. Firstly, it will reduce the pressure on yourself: you will see that you are actually doing a good job, and not take the words too close to your heart. Secondly, the pressure from the boss will gradually decrease: positive feedback about your work accumulates and it will be difficult to ignore it.
Psychological tyranny will never completely go away, but the intensity can be significantly reduced. This can be worked on if for some reason you need to stay in this place or there is no way to change jobs.
Emotional tyrant. A boss who yells (including using obscene language), or throws things, or, conversely, arranges boycotts, is silent and ignores for weeks — in a word, behaves emotionally inappropriately.
In this case, it is important to understand that a person is unhappy, possibly complex, suffering from unresolved deeply personal problems. You are not a psychotherapist to treat him and help him cope with life’s difficulties. “Fighting” with such a boss is possible only collectively, so that the entire department stands up to protect anyone who has fallen under the distribution, realizing that tomorrow someone else will fall under the arm. In such a situation, only consistent collective confrontation can help.
It is important to remember
If you are convinced that your boss is a tyrant, do not forget:
1. Work is not chosen for life, it can and should be changed. If you feel that you are uncomfortable with your boss, and you understand that his behavior is the norm for the company, do not seek to improve him! These are the problems of the boss himself, they are not connected with you in any way and it is not for you to solve them. Look for a place where you feel comfortable.
2. Tyranny cannot be tolerated. The best thing to do is to try to gradually change the situation, and not alone, but collectively. It’s easier, faster, and more efficient: you’ll give each other the support they deserve, and you’re less likely to just get fired like a lone rebel.
3. Never take everything personally. Once again, it’s not about you. If you see that the boss began to behave less adequately, it is better to signal this to the HR department. Not publicly and bypassing the leader — let him be offered a vacation or psychological assistance. It happens that way too.
4. No job lasts forever, and no amount of money is worth the humiliation and discomfort.associated with tyranny. Unfortunately, it extends not only to work, but also to other areas of your life: you bring the psychological stress you received at work home, pour it out on loved ones, which worsens the quality of life in general.
None of us can endlessly digest an unhealthy work relationship, so consider whether you are ready to endure the current situation for a long time. And most importantly, is it necessary?