Alcoholism Inherited: How Family Scripts Affect Addiction

Associating our lives with a person from a “drinking” family, we may wonder — what future awaits us with him? Has he or she inherited alcoholism? And if the alcohol addict is our relative, then it is important to understand what steps we can take and whether bad genetics will affect children.

In Russia, one of the main social problems is alcoholism. According to statistics¹, in 2019, 1 people consulted a specialist for alcohol and drug disorders.

RELATION WITH HEREDITY

It is not known whether alcoholism is inherited or not. Studies say it’s genetic, and dependent parents are more likely to have dependent children.

It is impossible to predict in what form addictive behavior will manifest itself: in the form of chemical dependence (alcohol, drugs or tobacco) or non-chemical dependence: sexaholism, gambling, workaholism, emotional codependence.

Addiction is rooted in two childhood traumas

• The first is ignorance, when a parent tries to nurture through rejecting phrases, such as: “I won’t talk to you anymore”; «You no longer have a mother»; «You are punished, go to your room.»
• The second is the trauma of suppression, when a child is taught from childhood not to trust his feelings. For example: «Mom, I’m hot.» — «No, you’re cold, put on a hat on top.» «Mom, I want a red car.» “No, you like blue better and you will throw it away, so you want a blue car.”

When these traumas, against the background of increased anxiety, characteristic of all addicts, are mixed together, a person develops the conviction that he is loved for a reason, but because he does or does not do something. In response, the child tries to change his behavior and adapt to the expectations of others.

Adults often make demands on children that directly contradict each other, for example: «Shut your mouth and eat.» For a mature person, ambivalence is familiar, but for a child it is traumatic, and he does not understand what rules and instructions he must follow in order to earn the love and acceptance of loved ones.

At this moment, the child develops auto-aggression: he tries to look for reasons why his attempts to comply from time to time do not lead to results, and finds the reason that he is bad. For example, badly cleaned the room or studies terribly. But even having received all the gold medals of this year, he will not be able to influence the ambivalent behavior of mom and dad.

When parents express dissatisfaction with his behavior, he experiences a strong sense of guilt and shame. These are the two main «engines» on which a person will come to addiction.

CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLIC BEHAVIORS FROM THEIR FAMILY

Basically, the children of alcoholics are doomed to either addiction or codependency, if nothing is done about it. Since they do not yet have a choice in which family to live in, they perceive their dysfunctional family as the norm, just with minor inconveniences.

Figuratively speaking, if you do athletics in bast shoes, then it is useless to talk about the fact that you need sports shoes with elastic soles that do not fall off your feet. The gulf between a dysfunctional and a normal family is as wide as between sandals and modern running shoes.

It will seem to a child who spent his childhood in “bast shoes” that everything is fine in general, but it is necessary that dad does not drink and mom does not swear. The problem is that this doesn’t happen. A drinking dad and a cursing mom are an integral part of the relationship system that they have.

Dysfunctional families have an endless number of systemic problems, and alcohol and assault are a tool to relieve stress. Alcoholics themselves live with constant feelings of guilt and shame, which they broadcast outside. They raise children who believe that interaction through the manipulation of guilt and shame is normal.

If a person appears in the environment who does not succumb to provocations, then the dependent cuts off such contact and turns out to be isolated from normal people, within the community with the same attitudes as his. Within this group, everyone takes turns terrorizing each other with guilt and shame, then they create families in which there is no room for normative scenarios.

Only the most attentive, who will notice that they are walking in circles, have a chance to get into psychotherapy and begin to solve this problem.

HOW TO GET OUT OF CO-DEPENDENT SCRIPT?

At the heart of the dependent or codependent script is a role model known as the Karpman Triangle. And this scheme is implemented everywhere.

For example, you arrive at the park, the child fell asleep in the car, the husband got out and slammed the door, and the wife starts swearing at her husband that he woke up the child. What happened: the husband is the aggressor, the child is the victim, the wife is the rescuer, who, as it were, protects the children’s sleep, and then she goes into the position of the aggressor and attacks her husband.

The child looks at it, remembers it and prepares to build a dysfunctional family in 18 years. It would seem an insignificant situation, but even in it the codependent behavior of a woman is manifested.

I run a rehabilitation center for alcohol and drug addicts, and a huge part of our work is not with the patients themselves, but with their relatives. Otherwise, addicts will return home, plunge into familiar scenarios and overcome the first crisis in the usual way — by drinking a glass.

The main thing you can do to break the vicious circle is to begin to systematically analyze your interactions with others and highlight those where you ride the carousel of the Karpman Triangle. Ask yourself how you could solve this problem differently, next time try to do it differently.

But here, too, lies the danger: if an addict tries, and he fails, most likely, he will experience shame and guilt for the mistake and give up trying so as not to encounter unpleasant emotions. Therefore, it will be better if these steps are accompanied by individual or group psychotherapy.

¹ according to the information platform «To be precise»