Age of our desires

As the years pass, we notice that we no longer like something that brought joy just recently, and other desires arose instead. To a noisy evening at the club, which once brought a lot of pleasure, we prefer chatting with a friend or relaxing in the family circle. And our grown-up children, having abandoned games, are now chatting on social networks. These changes mean that a new stage has begun in life – with its own joys.

Personal development is not limited to the age of childhood and adolescence, it happens all the time. Life can be described as successive stages of personal development – such an approach was proposed in the early 60s of the last century by the largest American psychologist Eric Erickson.

Moving to a new age stage, we change, acquire new tastes, set ourselves other goals. In order for the transition to go smoothly, without regrets, it is important to live each period as fully as possible, paying attention to what gives pleasure and discovering new facets in yourself. Psychologist Galina Burmenskaya tells about these age stages.

Under 12: Play

The greatest pleasure at this age is the game. In addition to pure joy, it brings benefits to the child: he learns to take the initiative and defend his opinion, masters the system of social relations.

If parents consider the game to be empty, then the child has a feeling of helplessness and his own uselessness. Adults who encourage children in their endeavors help the son or daughter gain a sense of their own competence, educate them in purposefulness and initiative.

12-19 years old: Be in the company

Teenagers love to spend time with friends: it is important for them to talk heart to heart, discuss their feelings and problems. They communicate in instant messengers, go to the cinema together, to concerts – for them this is the greatest joy. Through comparison with others, they seek their identity.

Closedness at this age leads to self-doubt, which sometimes persists for many years. Communicating with peers, a teenager gets a chance to “taste” different roles, see similarities and differences between people, learns to analyze …

During this period, fidelity to friendly ideals, a sense of support, trust in oneself and others are born.

19–25 years old: Build relationships outside of the family of origin

When we enter a period of youth (or early adulthood), close, intimate relationships between two people come to the fore. This is a love relationship between a man and a woman, and a deep, sincere friendship. We get pleasure from spiritual intimacy, empathy for another, we learn to perceive the world openly.

Close relationships and personal growth are so intense that we enjoy sharing our strength and joy with others—friends, family, colleagues—and channel our energy into creativity. If close relationships do not bring joy, then a person most often tries to hide from the outside world, closing in on himself.

25–50 years old: Create

Adulthood is the age at which we create our own family, we have children, we develop professionally. Creative self-realization in various areas of life is the main thing that really pleases us.

Taking care of other people, raising children, building professional communication, we create ourselves. It is very important in these years not to freeze in place, but to enjoy everyday life. Thus, imperceptibly, we are preparing for sophisticated maturity.

Over 50: Finding Meaning

Having reached the age of maturity – a stage prepared by the whole previous life – a person gradually moves away from vigorous activity. If, looking back at the life he has lived, he feels satisfaction and peace, he has a feeling of wholeness. But if the life lived seems to be a series of mistakes and missed opportunities, a person is overcome by despair.

Of course, we can’t change anything, but it’s in our power to see our past in a new light. In rethinking the past, a mature person needs an interlocutor – one can be happy to share memories with friends, with younger ones, and maintain family memory.

Joy can also be found by starting a new life: it is at this age that some learn new professions, travel, get another education, feeling their life is full and experiencing real pleasure from it.