Against scrap: fight back boor

“A couple of days ago I was driving with my daughter,” says 36-year-old Laura. – At the traffic lights, I hesitated for just a couple of seconds. Immediately behind me, someone began to honk like crazy, then a car pressed close to me, and the driver cursed me in such a way that I can’t even try to reproduce it. Daughter, of course, immediately in tears. All the rest of the day I felt depressed, humiliated, a victim of injustice».

Here is just one of the many stories of common rudeness that we face every day. So ordinary that Pier Massimo Forni decided to write a self-defense manual: “A civilized decision: what to do when people are rude to you.” Here’s what he recommends.

To the origins of rudeness

To fight rudeness and rudeness, you need to understand their reasons, and for this, try to get to know the offender better.

A rude person dignifies those around him with a fleeting, superficial glance, ignoring everyone. In other words, he is not able to overcome his desires and interests in favor of others, focusing on the virtues of one’s own “I” and defending them with a “saber unsheathed.”

Hama strategy

Acting rough the person is actually trying to defend himself. He is not confident in himself, afraid to show what he takes for his shortcomings, getting on the defensive and attacking others.

Such a lack of self-confidence may be due to various reasons: too strict parents, teachers who made him feel “flawed”, classmates who mocked him.

Whatever the reason, the insecure person tries to compensate for it by establishing a particular form of control and dominance over others in order to achieve a material or psychological advantage. This helps him alleviate the feeling of “inferiority” that torments him on an unconscious level.

However, he does not acknowledge that similar type of behavior, against, weakens social ties and only makes him more miserable.

The main weapon is politeness

The most successful strategy is to help the boor live better, treating him so that he can finally be at ease. This will allow him to feel accepted, appreciated, understood and, therefore, relax.

A smile causes a smile, and a friendly attitude – reciprocal politeness. An open mind and a sincere interest in other people’s problems can work wonders.

If the rude man insists on his own, let’s not forget that rudeness primarily harms the one from whom it comes.

How to respond to rudeness

First: take a deep breath. Second: Remind yourself that the bully is acting this way because of his problems, and establish an emotional distance. Third: decide what to do. For instance…

IN THE SHOP

The consultant is on the phone and does not pay attention to you. Address him with the words: “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that you saw me, otherwise I’ve been standing here for 10 minutes.”

If the situation does not change: “Thank you, I’ll ask someone else”, hinting that you are going to the administrator or to another seller, thereby causing him to compete.

AT THE TABLE

You are having dinner with friends. Cell phones are constantly ringing, your company is answering calls, which annoys you terribly. Remind your friends how happy you are to see them and how sad that the conversation is interrupted all the time.

WITH KIDS

You are talking to a friend, but your child interrupts you all the time and pulls the blanket over himself.

Gently but firmly take his hand, look into his eyes and say: “I’m talking. Is it so important that you can’t wait? If not, you should find something to do. The more you interrupt us, the more you’ll have to wait.”

Keep holding his hand until he says he understands you. Gently ask him to apologize to the guest.

IN THE OFFICE

Your colleague is standing nearby and is very noisy, regardless of what distracts you from work.

Say, “Sorry, when you talk too loud on the phone, I can’t concentrate. If you speak a little more quietly, you will be doing me a huge favor.”