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The resumption of sexuality after pregnancy
Six, eight, twelve weeks… most of the time, after childbirth, young parents generally wait a while before having sex again. But in others, the desire returns sooner, or even only a few days after birth.
Some women want it very early
For Dr Mimoun, the young mother will only be able to feel the desire once she feels calm and no longer thinks about childbirth. She needs to focus on herself and how she feels. “Women are often preoccupied with what men think about their body. However, she must focus on herself: this is called shared selfishness, essential for each partner to have pleasure. However, most of the time, right after childbirth, women are not in this atmosphere ”. According to the specialist, the most demanding are those who were before, like Mélanie: “We had intercourse daily, and we even had one two hours before going to the maternity ward.”
Some women more sexually fulfilling after childbirth
While some women may have difficulty accepting their bodies after pregnancy and / or experience a drop in libido after childbirth, others feel more sexually fulfilled after the birth of their child. According to Dr Mimoun, “this well-being is more psychological than physical. After the birth of their child, some women feel liberated from the weight of motherhood: they wanted, even unconsciously, a baby, and were paralyzed by this thought or by their biological clock. So, once they give birth, they can focus on their life as a woman. They manage to let go and are therefore more receptive to pleasure “. Stéphanie confirms this idea: “If at the very beginning, the sensations were strange, it was even better than before after two weeks. I felt fulfilled as a woman, wanted and desirable. In fact, in addition to being a mother, I was still a woman. . “
Yes, some couples have sex in the maternity ward!
In general, right after childbirth, women do not feel the urge to have sex again. In addition to the hormonal upheavals, fatigue and pain, they are too overwhelmed by their new role as mom. And that’s normal. Moreover, most of the time, specialists recommend to wait 6-7 weeks, the time for everything to get back into place. But according to Dr. Mimoun, “this is more of an observation than a recommendation. And there is nothing to worry about if sexual activity does not resume until three months after birth. On the other hand, beyond six months, it is necessary to ask questions and discuss them ”, specifies the sexologist.
Some do not wait so long and quickly get back to their sex life. This is the case of Stéphanie, 30, mother of a 6-year-old boy. “Three days after I gave birth, while I was still in the maternity hospital, we made love in the bathroom in my room. The request came from my husband because I thought I could no longer. I was afraid that I would not feel anything and be in pain, even though I did not have an episiotomy. My husband reassured me by telling me that we would stop if I felt any pain ”. Because as Dr. Mimoun underlines it “the main risk in remaking love early is that the woman is in pain. If she is in pain, she will be reluctant to start over ”. And to add: “Some young mothers have lochia. These are small infections that show up as blood loss. Sex can increase this feeling of local infection. “. In this case, we recommend the use of condoms but also to resume a sexual life gradually. But if there is no problem, the woman can resume sexual activity as soon as she feels the desire. “The first time was very brief because we were interrupted by the midwife,” explains Stéphanie. “But as soon as I got home, we started over. The desire was mutual. On the other hand, as for the first time, the sensations were completely different. I felt like everything was soft, I had a swollen uterus, and everything was moving. It didn’t give me any real pleasure, but it wasn’t unpleasant either. “
The most important: reconnect with sexuality smoothly
Penetration, uncomfortable poses… after childbirth, there’s no point playing acrobats. Indeed, it is certainly important to resume a sex life, but gradually. Each of the partners must listen to the other. As Dr Mimoun indicates, “the main thing is to have a sexual complicity with your spouse. The couple must integrate sexuality in their speech. If young parents only talk about diapers and bottles, it won’t work. It is important to “re-sexualize” the other by telling him: I love your body “, how beautiful you are in this dress …” These speeches may seem banal in everyday life but are of real importance after the birth of your child. ‘a child. They will naturally lead to more caresses and acts over time.
Regarding the positions, there are no recipes: “each couple to opt for those which are the most comfortable for them. Nevertheless, the woman feels more pleasure when she is on her partner, which allows her to move at ease, ”explains the sex therapist. He also warns young parents about the post-childbirth latency period: “you need time to adapt to rediscover your body. We must be aware of this. In addition, during pregnancy, the small pelvis is flat and the fetus presses on the walls of the vagina. They are therefore more tense and reactive. After childbirth, the woman will not regain this feeling. To give pleasure to your partner, we therefore recommend adding clitoral caresses. The vagina will gradually return to its original shape. The re-education of the perineum, strongly recommended, favors the support of the bladder and increases the tone of the vagina ”. Moreover, Stéphanie, who did not follow any session, regrets: “if I had to do it again, I would do this rehabilitation and I would wait a little longer to fully resume my sexuality. “