There are more and more people who want to take a child from an orphanage every year. The guardianship authorities are trying to check the families where the children are sent. But even all the collected documents cannot predict how the relationship between the child and his adoptive parents will develop.
First you need to understand the different types of child placement in a new family.
Adoption
This is the most preferable type of placing a child in a new family – he is not only accepted, but also legally equal in rights with his own children. In this case, the adopted child can be given his last name, name and date of birth can be changed. But the requirements for future parents are very strict – in terms of material status, living conditions, health. Ethnic origin, religions, mother tongue are taken into account. Adoption takes place only through the courts.
Foster family
With this type of device, the child is accepted into a family up to 18 years old, and his foster parents are paid a monthly allowance. Requirements for candidates are less stringent than for adoption. At the same time, there are no alimony and hereditary relations. And the child retains the right to the living space provided by the state to orphanages, and the queue for it.
Mentoring
The so-called “weekend family” without the child’s permanent residence in the family. The family takes it on weekends, holidays or vacations. This helps children to receive moral support, to see how the family functions and to acquire communication and household skills. A good way to get a closer look at the child you want to adopt. As a rule, it is much easier to arrange mentoring – a mandatory medical examination is not required. True, this form has not been established by law either. All requirements are accepted by the director of the child care institution.
Foster care
The legal representation of children is not fully transferred to the family, and the rights and obligations to protect the rights of the child are delineated between the “parent” and the guardianship and guardianship authority. This type has not yet been included in federal legislation, but it already exists in some regions. Under patronage, the family is selected for the child, and not the child for the family. A fixed-term contract is being concluded, and parents will need to keep clear financial records.
Guardianship and guardianship
The child is initially accepted into the family temporarily on the basis of the rights of the educated person. There is no secret of transferring a child to a new family, so contacts with blood relatives are possible. A monthly allowance is paid to guardians. The child retains the right to alimony, pension and other social benefits and compensations.
“Pitfalls” of adoption of children
Experts identify three main factors that can provoke problems in a family with an adopted child: reasons for adoption, concealment of the fact of adoption, and negative attitude of relatives.
Reasons for adoption
There are many reasons that push families to adopt children: a couple may not be able to have their baby for medical reasons, or their child tragically died. Also, the father and mother have a feeling of “an abandoned nest” after the departure of their own children.
According to psychologists, first you need to understand and answer the question: why do I want to take a child?
Young couples who don’t have children of their own and who just want to do good are not likely to be good parents. They do not know what to do with children (especially if they are adopting not a baby, but a more or less adult child with their own character, habits, views of the world), get irritated and think: well, what are we doing wrong? In addition, parents who took children only out of nobility, having no desire to have a child, may subconsciously wish for gratitude for their deed.
If a child is adopted due to the impossibility of giving birth to their own baby, the attitude towards the adoptive may be overly caring. As a rule, such couples are treated for a long time, undergo tests, constantly feel despair … And when everything has been tried, a decision comes to take a foster child. The result is excessive love and obsessive guardianship, which also negatively affects family relationships. The same thing happens in cases where the children of their own have left the parental home, and the parents have a feeling that they did not love. Everything that they did not have time to give to their own children is given to the foster children in abundance.
If the child was taken “to replace” the deceased, there is a danger of constant comparison. Parents will place unjustified hopes that he should become an exact copy of the deceased child: in character, psychological characteristics, emotions. Such a baby will gradually lose self-esteem, he will feel that they are trying to fit him to the ideal – and this will certainly affect his psychological state.
Negative attitude of relatives
If you decide to adopt a child, make sure everyone in the family is okay with it. First of all, this decision must be made by both spouses. And if the family has children of their own, then they need to be prepared. To tell what joy the appearance of a brother or sister will bring, to go to an orphanage together. Without this, the adopted child runs the risk of forever remaining in the position of a “stranger”: his own children will offend him, and adults – to express their claims. Adults swear – and the child subconsciously projects everything onto himself, and he also feels guilty of bad family relationships.
Concealment of the fact of adoption
Of course, each family resolves this issue in its own way. But those who choose not to tell the child that he was adopted put family relationships at risk. Parents are in constant stress and worry that the secret may be accidentally revealed. This lack of trust will affect the mutual understanding between parents and children, because children feel that they are hiding something important from them, withdrawing into themselves. Therefore, psychologists advise nevertheless to tell the adopted child, when he grows up, where he came from in the family. But in no case should he give him a reason to think that this made him less loved.