Adopting a child brings a lot of happiness, but it is not always a fairy tale. Here are some elements to know how to face the happy times as well as the difficult ones.

Adoption is a long and complicated process: future parents go through countless interviews, the wait sometimes lasts several years, always with the threat that everything will be canceled at the last minute.

During this latency period, the adoption situation may be idealized. Once the child has become yours, and lives with you, suddenly you have to face the difficulties. A family made up by adoption brings together two complex profiles: the parents, who very often have not succeeded in conceiving in a biological way, and the child, who has been abandoned.

We must not underestimate the problems that this new family may contain, even if they are not inevitable. However, recognizing and anticipating such problems is the best way to get around them.

An adoption is above all a meeting. And as with all encounters, the current passes or hangs. Each of the people involved absolutely needs the other, and yet bonding can take time. Sometimes affection overwhelms parents and child alike. It also happens that the relationship of trust and tenderness is built slowly.

There is no single model, no way forward. The wound of abandonment is great. If there is emotional resistance on the part of the child, try to maintain carnal contact with him, in order to get him used to your presence. Knowing what your life is like can also help you understand it. A child who has not experienced affection will not react the same as a child who has received many hugs and attention since birth.

In all forms of parenting, adoptive as well as biological, the parent-child relationship goes through moments of calm and happiness, as well as crises. The difference is that parents ignore the child’s past before adoption. From the first days of life, the infant records information about the environment around him. In cases of emotional or physical abuse, adopted children may develop an attachment disorder or risky behavior as they grow up.

On the other hand, adoptive parents, faced with problematic situations, will more easily tend to doubt their ability to bring up the child. In any case, keep in mind that nothing stagnates: storms pass, relationships evolve.

It is very common for adoptive parents to develop an irrational complex: the guilt of not having been there for their child before the adoption. As a result, they feel they have to “repair” or “compensate”, sometimes even doing too much. On the side of the adopted child, and especially during adolescence, the particularity of his story can be brandished as an alibi: he fails at school, he multiplies the nonsense because he has been adopted. And in the event of an argument or punishment, he argues that he did not ask to be adopted.

Note that the child’s rebellion is positive: it is a way of emancipating himself from the phenomenon of “debt” in which he perceives himself vis-à-vis his adoptive family. However, if your home is stuck in such a dynamic, it is helpful to get help from a therapist, who speaks to parents and children alike. Meeting with a family mediator or psychologist can help you resolve many conflicts.

Adopting a child is above all a source of immeasurable happiness: together you start a family that goes beyond biological laws. Answer without hesitation the questions that the child asks you, so that he can build himself up healthily. And keep in mind that knowing where it came from is absolutely essential: you should not object to it. The life course that parents and child lead together is of great beauty. And despite the conflicts that will inevitably arise, time and maturity will help to oust them… just like a family united by blood!

The relations of the adoptive parents and the child are filled with happiness and difficulties: this “reconstituted” family has its good days and its bad days, like all families. Listening, maintaining good communication, having empathy, without attributing everything to the account of adoption, are essential keys for a harmonious family life.