Contents
- 1. Don’t lecture
- 2. Don’t blame
- 3. Talk casually
- 4. Master new technologies
- 5. Share interests
- 6. Don’t be afraid to praise
- 7. Never Say Never
- 8. Shouting is not an argument
- 9. “How are you? — Fine»
- 10. No panic
- 11. Just about the complex
- Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Adolescence … To get through it, both parents and children have to sweat a lot — especially since they no longer like to be considered children. The main thing to understand is that your children have not stopped loving you and have not become worse, they are just undergoing hormonal changes, from which both moods and desires change. And sometimes the brains turn off for a while …
And it needs to be experienced.
As for practical advice, then:
1. Don’t lecture
If you spent the first 60 seconds of the conversation reading the notations “Here I am at your age”, then you can not continue further. The child’s attention is switched off after one minute.
2. Don’t blame
Don’t start a sentence with an accusation. Instead of, “You didn’t do your homework again!” say, “It upsets me that you are postponing your studies to the last place.”
3. Talk casually
It’s hard to expect a 15-year-old daughter to be frank when you glare at her. It is better to ask her to help cook dinner, and talk while chopping vegetables. Speak as if from the side while walking, or when driving a car. Nobody likes it when they try to extort something from him, and this is how a teenager perceives questions “on the forehead”. The phrase «Sit down, I want to talk to you» causes natural alertness.
4. Master new technologies
It’s no secret that writing is often easier than saying. Try sending a couple of funny chat messages and then ask how school is doing. You will see that the story will be more detailed than with verbal communication.
Their books, music, clothing style, sport. All this may seem unusual and strange to you. However, if you at least try to learn more about the child’s hobbies, and show your awareness, then you deserve respect.
6. Don’t be afraid to praise
Parents often think that praise is only for excellent grades. However, teenagers need approval in all their affairs. Does your son play computer games online or do historical reenactments? Be interested in success and praise. Of course, it is desirable to master the terminology first if the hobby is unusual enough.
7. Never Say Never
Avoid the categorical words «always» and «never». With the accusation “You never tell me anything,” you reject the very attempt to talk. And, claiming «I always know what’s best for you» — just disingenuous.
8. Shouting is not an argument
Do not think that your arguments uttered in a raised tone will become weighty. The teenager will take this as your breakdown and his rightness: “If mom screams, then she has nothing left to do.” Believe me, “I was worried about you” said in a calm voice is much more understandable than the cry “Yes, I couldn’t get through to you for two hours!”
9. “How are you? — Fine»
A direct question is a short but not informative answer. Instead, talk about what interests both of you, listen to the answers, actively participate in the conversation, clarify and ask again. Seeing your indifference, the child himself will move on to topics that concern him.
10. No panic
Don’t jump to conclusions. If your son says that he is dating someone, then this does not mean that you will soon become a grandmother. If the daughter says that she wants to become like a popular singer, this does not mean that she dreams of plastic surgery. In the first case, permission to extend the walk time may be implied, in the second, a request to sign up for guitar lessons. Clarify what the teenager meant.
11. Just about the complex
Try to spend more time together, talk more. First of all, you should like this kind of communication. Let your child see that you love him, and you are interested in him for who he is, neither for the fives, nor for high results in sports, but simply for what he is.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.