A successful person is attentive to outbuildings not out of love to attach somewhere or to someone. Competent extensions are needed to control the behavior of a partner, namely, they help to carry out three important tasks:
- improving contact with a partner and creating a general favorable background for relationships,
- reinforcement of desirable details and features of the partner’s behavior,
- partner management.
Doing
Leading is one of the brightest and most attractive effects of a competent extension. Many dream of “tying” a partner to an invisible magic thread, with which he could be led in the right direction. Leading is precisely this “trick”, when an invisible connection is created between you and your partner: you almost physically feel your partner, and he feels you, and by changing your own behavior, you get the opportunity to similarly change the partner’s behavior, carry out his leading.
This completely hidden from the partner management of his behavior is carried out according to the scheme:
TUNING → SYNCHRONIZING → DRIVING
In many ways, this is a matter of art, where the fragility of the thread is compensated by the accuracy of the lead. Metaphorically, driving is similar to towing a car on a weak cable: by touching and picking up speed carefully, you can even drive a heavy jeep and, if necessary, accelerate it to any speed, but if you pull it once, the cable simply bursts.
- What to do? Fasten it again — and start over. Calm down, be careful…
Using the same metaphor, for effective guiding, not only the strength of the thread is important, but also the power of the tug: your personal energy. In interaction with one partner, this is not the most critical point, but as soon as it comes to working with the audience, the energy of the leader becomes fundamental. The speaker in front of the audience is a charioteer, holding tight reins in strong hands and skillfully controlling three (or more) dashing horses. The fingers of the hands are spread out like an asterisk, the hands themselves make wide and smooth movements, the eyes hold the audience, sticking with their eyes and attracting to the topic those who can suddenly fall off, right in front of you is the subject of discussion, and, opening it like a magic chest, you lead people into in the right direction, as fast and as far as the audience allows.
- Come off — come back, stick (attach) again and again lead on.
Selective Adjustment and Reinforcement of Desired Behavior
Adjustments can be performed in different volumes and to different details of behavior, which is why they speak of total adjustment, selective adjustment, and conscious adjustment. Total adjustment is the maximum adjustment to the partner in all parameters available to you.
- You are him. As far as possible for you.
In selective adjustment, you adjust to your partner only according to some of the parameters you have chosen, while in others you carry out conscious adjustment: hidden or demonstrative. If you decide to rebuild, you deliberately destroy all possible attachment correspondences between you, creating in your partner a feeling of a break in contact.
Adjustments are the most powerful means of managing communication, but that’s why you don’t have to adapt to everyone, always and completely: you need to consider that by adjusting, you not only build relationships, but also reinforce your partner’s behavior.
- To what specific detail, to what moment of behavior you adapt — then you reinforce.
Accordingly, you do not always need a total adjustment, sometimes a selective adjustment will be more justified, and sometime the most correct solution will be a detuning from a given partner or a communication situation in general.
- The policy of adjustments is a flexible tool…
As a rule, against the background of ordinary outbuildings, it makes sense to tune out those details and behaviors that do not suit the partner himself or you would not like to reinforce with the partner.
Obviously, it is enough conflict to copy in the behavior of a partner features that he himself is not enthusiastic about or that others laugh at, for example, a speech filled with garbage like specifically, like his, well, damn it …
- If you don’t know how to feel about it, it’s best to just ignore it.
Similarly, if your partner is poorly brought up, behaves cheekily, keeps defiantly, and his speech is full of conflictogens, then copying his mannerisms, even very softened, will be a very controversial extension to him: did you want to snout? To repeat the energy of his movements and voice is good, to behave more freely is reasonable, to speak with him in his language is justified, but copying his aggressiveness (or, in another case, stiffness) usually makes no sense either in speech or in behavior.
- Also, usually, this partial detuning does not make sense and specifically demonstrate.
However, in some situation, when your positions are strong, and your partner is obviously “carrying”, you can start talking to him in his own rhythm and with his own overtones, but with accentuated politeness. Or with the exact repetition of intonations and vocabulary, but twice as slow …
- In fact, you have already said what you require from the interlocutor. If you see fit, you can also formulate this in words: against the background of precise additions, your demand has practically the force of an order.