Contents
What difficulties do spouses face in the first years of marriage and how to get out of difficult situations without prejudice to relationships.
Agree on priorities
The first thing a couple usually starts building a family life with after registering a marriage is the solution of social and domestic issues. Tasks are on the agenda: where we live, who wakes up at what time, who buys groceries, who earns how much and how the overall budget is formed. As well as the quality of intimate life, the frequency of meetings with friends and contacts with parents, how the couple manages their time and what is the value system of each.
One way or another, controversial situations arise that show the values and character of each of the spouses.
For example, a man may prefer to spend his weekends with friends. A woman usually perceives such behavior as ignoring her interests and needs, which leads to discontent and conflicts.
It happens that one of the spouses pays too much attention to parents or even offers to live with them. If this is unacceptable for the second spouse, he considers their couple a priority and strives for autonomy in family life, then the conflict is also inevitable. In such cases, dialogue and the search for compromises are needed.
Recognize and limit the influence of parents and birth scenarios
Modern young people from an early age strive for independence and independence, which is reflected in their personal lives. Creating their own family, they want to build relationships in a different way, not the way their parents had. But often, generic scenarios are still played out in a young couple.
For example, a woman brought up by alcohol-dependent parents was always looking for a non-drinking man, suddenly discovers that her husband is addicted to alcohol and is disappointed in her choice. Or a man may be unhappy that his wife does not maintain order in the house at the level to which he is accustomed to in the parental family.
In practice, I often come across the fact that a mother (sometimes unconsciously) makes a strong suggestion to her son that he will not find anyone better than her and no one else will take care of him like she does. As a result, a man experiences constant stress, and this can even cause a divorce.
Each of the partners — to grow up and become a mature person
It is possible to overcome the crisis of the first year of marriage and subsequent ones if at least one of the partners is interested in this. Then, in the process of overcoming difficulties, the ripening of the personality occurs. And the second partner, if he appreciates this relationship, “pulls himself up”.
Usually, the one who is more uncomfortable and who needs and more important to keep the family, enters into a dialogue with a partner — himself or with the help of a psychotherapist. I note that any relationship can be established and improved, since they all lie in the plane of psychology. Therefore, family therapy is very effective and has a healing effect on partners when both want it.
Resolve your own internal conflicts
In general, all conflicts with a partner are actually conflicts with oneself. If a person does not accept some part of himself, cannot come to an agreement with himself, then living together will definitely show this inner tension. After all, we look at a partner as if in a mirror, but we don’t realize it. And until some precedent provokes our reaction, we won’t even know what’s bothering us.
Imagine that you ignored physical activity for several years, spending your leisure time on the couch from morning to evening. Of course, you cannot know how you will feel while running. And having decided to run, say, 3 km, after 500 m you will feel an unpleasant and difficult condition. The same is true in living together.
The deeper you dive into your partner with your consciousness and soul and the more you open yourself, the better you know and understand yourself.
And when a person is in harmony with himself, accepts his real, imperfect, unique self and sincerely loves himself, then the same attitude will be formed towards his spouse.
The family is the most powerful psychological and physical practice. Yes, it is where we commit ourselves and adapt. But at the same time we come to awareness, the true pleasure of love and relationships and the understanding that our feelings depend only on us. And then a completely different level of freedom opens up to us.