Two rams — not the best example!
The acute phase of an uncontrollable, wild, destructive conflict (conflict escalation according to A.P. Egides) is the very peak of the conflict, most often it is called: the actual conflict.
The main content of this stage is the exchange (communicative or real) of blows, when an even greater conflictogen flies in response to each conflictogen.
Causes
- Conscious desire to destroy the enemy.
- The state is not in the resource, more precisely in an aggressive state, “on edge”.
- Low culture of communication, the habit of using conflictogens in speech. Characteristic of the mass personality.
- Fear of losing face and status.
- Anchored sharply negative emotions on each other, either on the situation as a whole, or on specific phrases sounded (actions that took place).
Typically, this is the result of learned erroneous behavior. In childhood, it’s so cool to roll your eyes, yell, turning off the control of your emotions, and as a result get what you want, under the pretext of “Well, you see how the little one cries …” (for more on this, see “Social Psychoanalysis of Emotions” by N.I. Kozlov)
How to avoid unmanageable conflict
- Turn on your head! Take a pause of 10 seconds, shut up.
- If the conflict is already ripe, and it is impossible to postpone the solution of the situation, take a break, turn away from each other and write on paper the question you want to ask. Try to translate the conversation into written communication (as an option, use ICQ, e-mail, and other methods).
- If the question is not relevant to you at all, change the subject or end the conversation.
- If you get involved in the escalation of the conflict, try to make it at least manageable, do not lose control of the situation so that you can stop the conflict in time.
Literature
- A.P. Egides «Labyrinths of Communication or how to get along with people» (AST-press, 2006)
- N.I. Kozlov Theory of social psychoanalysis of emotions