Psychology is a bad thing.
No, I’m serious. With an uncritical attitude, psychology becomes worse than a thermonuclear bomb. It also incinerates people and destinies. Let’s talk about one such destructive effect today.
You have probably heard the thesis: «We must accept a person as he is.» Have you heard, right? The thesis itself is not bad. Acceptance helps to keep from fighting the differences of another person, teaches to look for common ground, develops tolerance. In general, a useful thing. But here’s the problem — especially cunning people realized what was happening, and raised the idea of acceptance to an unattainable height of absurdity.
Specifically: women almost unanimously complain — men, especially young ones, began to declare: «I am who I am and accept me as I am.» Yes, just a little, they immediately: “Take me the way I am!”
She told him: “Honey, could you not yell when I didn’t have time to cook dinner, but help me cook it together?” And he replied: “Screaming is part of my personality, accept me as I am.”
She told him: “Honey, could you go to work and earn some money?”. And he told her: «I’m in a creative search for myself, accept me as I am.»
She told him: “Darling, could you pay attention to me and the children and walk with us in the park at least once a week?” And he told her: “I’m busy. Accept me as I am.»
Do you think I’m kidding? I would like to think so too… No, men say this in all seriousness. Fortunately, not all, but many, many.
I’ll say this: guys, you’ve lost the coast. Stories that “I am who I am and leave me alone” are the most natural kindergarten. This three-year-old child can insist on his exclusivity — for him it really is. It is permissible for a three-year-old child to be in the rapture of egocentrism — he is a child, his whole brain has not yet formed properly. And an adult (over eighteen) guy is actually obliged to be able to take into account the interests of another person.
Don’t like the word «must»? Not a question — I can write «should». Because this is true. Obliged and must. And not even to the woman with whom he lives, but to himself. Because it is an indicator of maturity. The ability to see the interests of another, remember them, link them with your own interests and find mutually beneficial solutions. This is the responsibility of any healthy adult. Responsibility is first and foremost to yourself.
There is a personal territory — tastes, predilections, authorities, beliefs, time, clothes, and so on. And there is a common area — time for the family, tastes for a common dinner, addictions in common leisure, cleaning in a common apartment. Where there is personal territory, you can say «I am who I am.» Where the territory is common, it is impossible. There it is necessary to-zh-va-t-sya.
Pull yourself together, wipe your snot and learn to live like an adult. Is your wife biting you? Learn to stop her pilling calmly, with words, without raids, rudeness and beatings. Learn to negotiate. Learn to earn decent money, learn to take care of children, learn to pay attention to your wife, learn to mop the floor, learn to cook dinner. Learn.
Be a man.