Perhaps, any mother whose child has entered this difficult age dreams of a universal guide to the teenage world. Why do recent babies become cocky and irritable? What to do with them? How to overcome all the rough obstacles and not lose the confidence of a teenager? Let’s figure it out with the experts.
We all know what adolescence looks like. More recently, affectionate and open children begin to be rude, stop telling their parents about their personal lives and protect their boundaries in every possible way … A teenager distances himself from adults who are significant to him, listens only to himself and his friends, quietly or loudly rebels against the usual rules and foundations.
It is not surprising that such a picture may look disturbing or incomprehensible from the side of parents. Many are upset that they have ceased to understand their own child, worry that they have lost his trust, and dream about where they could find a “translator” from teenage language into their usual one.
Why is this happening?
In fact, this is an absolutely natural stage of growing up and becoming a person, which you should not be afraid of. Now the teenager is learning to separate his life from the life of his family, consciously looking for his place in the team and trying to establish his own social ties.
Parents for him cease to be the only authority and guide … But he still lacks his own confidence in order to become an authority for himself. Therefore, he gropes for his values and attitudes in other people, companies or idols.
In general, in adolescence, a person for the first time leaves the familiar “inner” and safe world of the family into the “outer” one, where his role, opportunities and limitations are not yet completely clear to him. Of course, this process is a big burden for the psyche and emotional state of a teenager, which is expressed in the child’s behavior and communication features.
What to do?
First of all, love, love and love again. And accept. Anyone. In no case should you put pressure on a teenager or try to forcibly “return” him to his usual behavior and lifestyle.
Here are some ground rules and tips to help you navigate that tumultuous ocean of adolescence together while maintaining the closeness and trust of a child:
- Do not press, do not “interrogate”, do not force me to tell you about everything that is happening. However, regularly remind that you are always ready to talk and discuss everything that worries him.
- Try to broadcast your unconditional love and acceptance in all situations. Use the phrases “you can come to me with any problem”, “I will never judge you”.
- Even if some difficulties in the life of a teenager seem sweet or funny to you (especially for the first love experiences), do not say it out loud and do not show it with your behavior.
- Forget the phrases “how could you ?!”, “I warned you!”, “You did it – and I have to rake again …” Even if you are very angry, it is better to use wording like “I am very sorry that this happened – let’s come up with a way out together “.
- Try to talk less about issues that concern you (success in school, help around the house, etc.), and focus more on what is really important for your child right now.
- Let go of the reins of parental control a little, give the teenager more independence in making decisions and in the ability to bear responsibility.
Remember, during this period your child begins to literally storm in the stormy sea of growing up. And it is the parents in this storm who should become an unshakable rock of support and support – even if internally they are in the same amazement and stress.
Especially for those who want to get more practical advice and see with their own eyes what is going on in the minds of our children, Kinder Delice has launched a project . 10 stories from the first person, supplemented by the advice of a psychologist, will help you understand what is happening with the child during this period. And free with a family psychologist Larisa Surkova will give answers to all questions that arise.
Larisa Surkova is not just a practicing psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences and the author of 18 books on child development and upbringing, but also a mother of five children. Thanks to her rich psychological practice and her own experience, she knows and understands what it is like to be a mother of a teenager.
As part of the marathon, you will receive audio lectures from Larisa Surkova, homework assignments and useful materials, guides and checklists for a deeper dive into the problem. This will help you not only see the situation from the outside, but also get the maximum working schemes and methods that allow you to happily go through adolescence with your child.
Learn more about how to build trust with your teen with Kinder Delice.