ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) – Symptoms, Treatment, Effects

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The ACA syndrome, or Adult Children of Alcoholics, is a set of established patterns of action that a child takes from a home where an alcohol problem occurs. These disorders are psychological in nature and their presence results from childhood experiences and ways of coping with them.

ACA – what is it?

ACA, or Adult Children of Alcoholics, this definition is used in relation to children from homes in which the alcohol problem was dominant. The ACA is a man from a family where alcohol was a central issue. Busy in his childhood for survival, in his adult life he has the feeling that he was never a child.

Read: What is alcoholism?

Childhood of the Adult Child of the Alcoholic

In an alcoholic family, whether one or two parents drink, the children of alcoholics are the most disadvantaged. They experience disturbances in the state of security in a dose much higher than other children. They experience more tension, anxiety, confusion, and loneliness. In this family, there is a constant fear of what the children will find when they return home. The level of anxiety in household members appears even with the sound of opening the door or a broken plate.

The main goal of an alcoholic family is to hide from the world what is happening inside the home environment. The rules followed by parents are that children should not speak, trust or feel. This is the so-called “three times no” rule. Parents create this set of rules to gain dominance, arouse anxiety, cause guilt and shame, so that they can drink and maintain this dysfunctional state of affairs.

Another group of rules is adhered to by the child. He believes that if he does not talk about what is happening at his home, no one will ask questions and pay attention to what a given child is feeling. Children from such homes do not admit to having alcoholism in their family, they are afraid of being rejected by their peers, being marginalized from social life or being pointed out by others. They don’t want to feel inferior to other children from normal homes.

Susan Forward, in her book “Toxic Parents,” believes that “in the families of alcoholics, so much energy is spent on unsuccessful attempts to save the drunkard and keeping a secret that little time and attention is left to meet the needs of the children. Children of alcoholics often feel invisible.” They live with a sense of shame because of what family they come from. They become closed to the world around them. They remain in a sense of loneliness, both on the part of their parents and the same-year-olds. The alcoholic’s child does not invite anyone to his home, does not go out to play in the yard.

Read: Can alcoholism be cured?

The role of a child in an alcoholic family

A child in a family with alcohol disorders fulfills specific, defective family roles, thanks to which the pathological family system can function. This includes:

Family hero:

1. this role is usually played by the oldest child,
2. is an exemplary student, does not cause educational problems,
3. gives up on goals that are important to him to reconcile his parents,
4. helps younger siblings with homework,
5. takes care of younger siblings,
6. puts a lot of burdens on itself, so that other family members have easier,
7. does not cry, shows no pain,
8. he does not show his feelings outside because he is ashamed of them,
9. believes that he is the only adult in the family

The invisible child:

1. such a child is often considered sad or very serious for his age,
2. has its own world of fantasies, imaginary friends,
3. isolates himself from other peers,
4. he feels best alone, he does not need contacts with others,
5. when something is wrong at home, pretends everything is fine or secretly cries,
6. has problems with wetting at night, sleeping, and a general reduction in the body’s immunity,
7. perfectly masters the rule of three “no”,

Scapegoat:

1. the child is usually a victim of violence,
2. parents convince the child that they have educational problems with him,
3. on every occasion she is blamed and degraded for no reason,
4. these children often use stimulants quite early,
5. the rebellion against the rules imposed by adults is characteristic,
6. the child recognizes the principle that the stronger will always win,

Mascot:

1. otherwise known as a jester,
2. the child becomes the pride of the family,
3. it is cute, it relieves tensions in the family,
4. no one takes him seriously
5. loses boundaries of what is serious and what is a joke,
6. he is considered to be an intermediary in family conflicts.

In a child who performs any of the above functions, the emotional, social, cognitive and health functions are disturbed.

Loneliness of Adult Children of Alcoholics

One of the most pressing problems in an alcoholic family is loneliness. Among Adult Children of Alcoholics there are many people who want to be loved, but are afraid of being rejected. They want to create a perfect relationship, have someone close. Unfortunately, in the family home, they had not been taught how to love, how to feel for someone else. Among ACoAs, feelings such as fear of rejection, fear of showing true feelings, anxiety, distrust, and difficulty in making contacts with others prevail.

Children already feel the feeling of loneliness in the family home. When one of the parents is drinking (whether it is the mother or the father), the other parent focuses their attention primarily on that drinker. The children are relegated to the background. All family life is centered on the drinker. Only in the next plan are the needs of the children satisfied. When a man drinks, the mother feels she is losing her husband and her father’s children. All responsibilities fall on her shoulders, and as a consequence, burden the children with them.

The father is physically present at home, but mentally becomes absent. This is strange and incomprehensible for the mother. According to Susan Forward, more and more often she tries to instinctively solve this problem by thinking about it alone for hours. She torments her on the day when she should be present for the children. She is filled with fear and anxiety, taking all the blame at first.

A woman in such a situation is filled with anxiety and blames herself for the whole situation in the house. Over time, the mother closes in on herself from the surrounding world, is unable to cope with the problem in her family. In such a situation, children can only count on themselves. The hardest thing for children is when both parents are addicted to alcohol. As a result, the eldest child is required to meet the needs of the mother, father and siblings.

For example, when the father became more and more aggressive, the child had to grow up to be responsible for the father, himself and the rest of the family. In such a situation, he cannot count on playing with other children, developing his passions or focusing on learning. It is rare when a child of an alcoholic invites peers home, and immediately after school returns to the family not knowing what he will find, as a result of how to be friends with others. Such a child closes itself off from others, does not participate in school life, does not make new friends, is lonely.

See: Lonely Islands – what are they?

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Children of alcoholics and partnerships

Children from alcoholic families have not been taught how to function in the normal world. From childhood, it was left to itself with its emotions and needs. The feeling of shame that accompanied him throughout his life did not allow him to open up to the other person without limit.

People from an alcoholic background may experience a constant sense of rejection. In the family home, the drunk parent was not interested in the fate of his child, while the other was focused on how to survive. In the psyche of this child, the following thinking was clarified – If I am not important to the closest people, it means that I am worthless, no one will accept me as I am.

In adulthood, this translates into that such people constantly feel the fear that this terrible truth about them will appear, the fear that someone will know my true self, which is unacceptable after all. This has a consequence in the formation of relationships by the ACA. The first and most important relationship has taught the children of alcoholics that the people they love can hurt them and behave in ways that are completely unpredictable, most of whom in adulthood fear becoming closer to another person.

Children of alcoholics excessively want to create an ideal relationship, but it is very difficult for them to achieve it. ACAs do not have a system of reference to build a close relationship with another person because they have never known such relationships. The only point of reference for them is their parents, who are not a perfect role model. They are also disturbed by the experience of attraction and repulsion – the inconsistency in the love relationship between parent and child.

One day they felt loved, the next they felt rejected. The fear of abandonment accompanies them throughout their lives. Building closeness is very difficult, complicated, unpleasant for them, because they do not know what a lasting, stable, loving relationship means. In addition, they can not trust anyone completely, they are afraid of being hurt and used by the other person, mainly abandonment. When a problem arises in their relationship, they automatically panic and are unable to discuss the problem that has arisen.

Adult Child of Alcoholics also choose to be lonely because they are afraid of duplicating their family patterns. They are afraid that they may find the same partners as their mother or father. They do not want their children to be brought up in a family like themselves. As a result, people with ACoA syndrome isolate themselves from others, do not want to meet new people, and cannot have fun.

Someone who does not trust anyone is not able to feel the closeness of another person, as the condition of experiencing this closeness is precisely showing trust. While the ACA has a relationship with another person, this relationship is not a partnership relationship, but a child-parent relationship. In such a situation, they do not need a partner, but a guardian who was absent when they were children.

Also read: Why Do We Get Drunk? Scientists look for answers in our brains

ACoA syndrome and guilt

Many circumstances determine whether such a child will grow up to be an introverted and unhealthy ambitious workaholic who, at the expense of his healthy senses, will prove that he is worth anything, subordinated to an apparently stronger, caring servant, caring for peace and quiet, because noise is associated with He is having a row or feeling guilty, apologizing for his hunger in the Third World and taking responsibility for literally everything, a man who believes he deserves nothing.

There are, of course, as many possibilities as the ACA, but it can be concluded that they are united, among others, by low self-esteem, cruel self-criticism, inadequate assumption of responsibility, problem with building relationships, expressing feelings and exercising one’s rights, and sometimes the desire to have total control over one’s own and other people’s life; inability to conduct discussions, resolve disputes.

Alcoholic Child Syndrome – violence and risky sexual behavior

According to some studies, teenage boys who witness or experience domestic violence at the hands of their drunken parents express themselves more violently by attacking younger siblings, pets, or stalking smaller children in the playground.

On the other hand, adolescents can self-mutilate – this is not done as a suicide attempt, but to get temporary relief from depression, stress, anxiety, emotional tension or self-hatred and low self-esteem (for example, when parents verbally and emotionally abuse their daughters) ). Moreover, some girls / teens may start engaging in risky sexual behavior at a fairly young age.

Also read: Quick sex, new drugs and old diseases

Will ACA also become an alcoholic in adulthood?

One of the problems faced by children of alcoholics is that they will become alcoholics themselves as they mature. Is it an unavoidable biology? The National Association for Children of Alcoholics writes that those who grow up in a home where alcohol reigns supreme are they are four times more likely to develop alcoholism in their own adult life than children who grew up in better conditions. However, the key phrase is “more likely”.

There are other factors to consider, such as lifestyle, mental health, immediate environment, and genetics. The biological child of an alcoholic parent grows up with an inherited risk of developing the same condition. Nevertheless, this does not ultimately decide whether a child will become an alcoholic in adulthood.

See: Genetics at the service of children?

Alcoholic Child Syndrome – therapy

On the subject of the importance of the sexual relationship between a child and a drinking parent, practice shows that the daughters of alcoholic fathers go to therapy most often. However, it may be influenced by several factors independent of the gender configuration, e.g. the fact that more men than women abuse alcohol, and women more often seek help from psychiatrists, psychologists or psychotherapists.

What is working with Adult Children of Alcoholics? Doctor Rutkowska-Suchorska points out that ACoA syndrome is not a diagnosis, it cannot be treated by itself. ACAs usually have severe depressive or anxiety states and these are the focus of treatment, and ACA syndrome is a kind of personality background for the development of these disorders.

An important element of the therapy is also to indicate the mechanisms developed in childhood and still functioning, prompting an Adult Child of Alcoholic, How to become the Adult Lord of Himself, how to replace reflexes that have been rooted for years and on what basis to base your existence. It is difficult to do it on your own, so for many ACAs, therapy is a salvation, the beginning of a peaceful, better life.

It is also worth noting that alcohol as a substance does not have any special, sinister power in the context of ACoA syndrome, and it is not the liquid as such that makes a child grow into an adult who cannot cope with life. It is a family dysfunction, which can be caused by alcohol, drugs, physical violence or belonging to a sect, that brings up Adult Children with Problems.