Contents
😉 Greetings to regular and new readers! The article “Abuser: who is he and how to recognize him” describes the main signs that will help to recognize a despot.
Who is an abuser and how to recognize him
Abuse is a combination of several types of violence, where one of the partners is a rapist (abuser), and the other is a victim. The word “abuse” from the English. “Abuse” is violence. Synonyms: obuser, abuser, abuser, rapist, aggressor.
The abuser can be your spouse, partner, friend, acquaintance, colleague, relative, neighbor. It can be anyone with whom you have a close relationship. Less often women are in this role.
Violence, not only physical, but also psychological can leave deep scars in the psyche. Any violence is unacceptable, but the victim does not always understand that he is trapped.
Signs of a male abuser
The first sign is personality devaluation. They are trying to trample your personality. Most often, in a relationship, personal experiences, significant events or achievements are ignored, devalued, or, at all, cause aggression in the partner. The rapist gets used to control the victim and decide for two. Other people’s interests are not included in his plans.
Jealousy and constant control
Initially, the victim is unlikely to face this, since the despot is carefully hiding under the guise of “care”. To the victim, it seems quite sweet and attractive. However, simple attention develops into constant control.
The owner and jealous person checks the phone, reads correspondence. He wants to be sure that he knows everything about his soul mate, erasing the boundaries of personal space.
He doesn’t know the word “no”
He will have sex with a partner whenever he wishes, despite the resistance of the victim. First he will reach his goal by persuasion. And then there will be threats, blackmail with the use of force, which is violence.
Using the “swing”
The relationship with the abuser does not go smoothly. This is a set of leaps from insults, humiliation, blackmail, beatings to idolizing the victim. This behavior induces strong attachment and gives the belief that the aggression is a temporary feeling that will soon pass. Alas, this is not the case.
Different behavior in public and in private
Most are faced with the fact that the abuser shows his true “essence” only in private. In society, he tries to idealize relationships and puts on both “masks” of a happy couple.
Insults disguised as a joke
Many partners hide outright insults under the guise of a joke. For example, a partner can call a complete spouse “Elephant”, “Hippo” or “Donut”. It seems kind, but somehow offensive. And if the victim is offended, the abuser will pretend that he does not see a reason for the offense.
Double standards
This often happens in a relationship with an abuser. Inequality and the creation of unfair privileges on one side only. For example, walking with friends without the presence of the abuser causes quarrels and conflicts. But he never takes the victim with him to the company of friends.
YOU are to blame for any conflict
If a partner in conflict situations always blames the victim without any arguments, then this is a clear sign of abuse. He is always right, even if his guilt is obvious. He will decompose everything so that you remain guilty.
And if, before telling your partner about the unpleasant news, you are afraid of a terrible scandal and beatings, it’s time to sound the alarm and rethink your relationship!
Remember that life is not a fairy tale, and an abuser is not a prince from whom an evil spell will descend. The best option is to part as soon as possible. Do not be afraid to seek help from a psychologist. Listen to your friends, they see the situation from the outside and will help you “take off your rose-colored glasses”. Finally, if a woman is constantly beaten by her husband, she deserves it.
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