What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a term that describes a skill expressing one’s own opinion, opinions, beliefs, but also emotions and attitudes towards another person. Equally important, apart from expressing yourself, is to take care of the quality of the message sent to another person. Self-expression should be done in a way that does not endanger others, that is, so as not to violate the boundaries or rights of the other person with whom we interact. It is also worth being aware of the fact that assertiveness it is not an aggressive attitude, the purpose of which is to exercise our rights, but to assert them on the basis of cooperation (not fight).
When is assertiveness needed?
Assertiveness is an acquired skill, that is, one that we learn during our lifetime. It is worth working on because it is useful in many areas of our social functioning. Some of them are:
- taking care of the possibility of exercising one’s rights in many social situations. An example is the ability to refuse when an experienced salesperson persuades us to buy a product that we do not need;
- taking care of your comfort and respect for the due rights in social contacts. This can manifest itself in situations where we do not feel treated fairly, e.g. when we are not given back the money we have borrowed or we feel used;
- establishing and maintaining relationships, social contacts. Assertiveness in such situations is expressed by the lack of a feeling of embarrassment when establishing a conversation, being in contact with another person freely;
- expressing criticism and praise in an assertive way, i.e. one that is not evaluating, but rather consists in giving specific feedback focused on a problem separated from the person;
- expressing feelingsboth positive and negative is also a manifestation of assertiveness;
- public appearances i contacts with authorities, during which the skills of maintaining one’s own opinion are revealed, of skillfully communicating it to another person without succumbing to its influence.
What makes it hard to be assertive?
Although, as mentioned, assertiveness is not an innate trait, but one that can be worked out, not everyone has it on the same high level. One of the reasons is poor self-esteemthat is, lack of self-acceptance, a feeling of being inferior to others. Having negative beliefs about yourself makes it difficult to express your own opinion, opinions and even emotions. The most common reason is the fear of being judged, ridiculed or criticized by other people who seem to be better and more competent in many areas. Another aspect that is not conducive to assertiveness are cognitive distortions. An example would be catastrophe, which consists in imagining the negative consequences of expressing your opinion. What can this be associated with in the experience and perception of a person having such a distortion? Well, expressing one’s own dish is seen as a reason for breaking relations with her, rejection, inability to cooperate further, etc. ).
Assertiveness and obesity
One might wonder if obesity has something to do with assertiveness and vice versa. The features presented in the above paragraph, such as lowered self-esteemare often a problem of people suffering from obesity. It is worth looking at it and considering whether the lack of assertiveness, which is a way of establishing relationships with others, is not one of the consequences of being overweight. Often, the lack of assertiveness results from the desire to please the other person. This is related to the fear that opposition may destroy established relationship. It is possible that this problem applies to a greater extent to obese people who feel that they are negatively perceived by other people because of their weight.
Learn to be assertive
It is worth working to ensure that our behavior is assertive and opinions are expressed directly, firmly and honestly. The first step to be assertive is learning to refusewithout feeling that it will negatively affect how others perceive us. Each person has the right to their own opinion – it is worth developing such a belief in yourself. Assertive refusal always includes the word “No“. Additionally, it’s also worth giving the cause our refusal, which, however, is not the same as evading or lecturing someone. Also, do not cheat, make excuses or make excuses or give in. When we behave in harmony with others towards ourselves, we will also notice their big change towards us, which will certainly give a lot satisfaction and joy in being in relationships.