“On Shame” is the first book by psychologist Boris Tsiryulnik, a beloved Psychologies expert, translated into Russian.
«I want to fall through the ground.» A terrible experience, which in the long run can lead to serious consequences: unconsciously provoked failures (according to the principle “I am nothing and do not deserve better”), breaking off relations with a loved one, even suicide … And which, at the same time, testifies to our humanity, close connections with other people, about the ability and desire to put oneself in the place of another. Shame is the opposite of selfishness. “While Narcissus exclaims: “I am the most beautiful on earth, for there is no one like me,” the ashamed, on the contrary, whispers: “The only thing that matters is the look of another. If he realizes what I really am, I will immediately die of shame. It is necessary to avoid his gaze, it will protect me … ”Completely opposite and mutually exclusive circumstances sometimes lead to shame. Poverty and humiliation, yes, but also one’s own wealth and the humiliation of others. So born into a wealthy family, Leopold Sacher-Masoch, at the age of 12, went to the revolutionary barricades, and «starting from this moment of spiritual birth, Leopold devoted his life to helping the poor and protecting the oppressed, having no other way to be happy than making them happy.» Shame varies depending on what society considers obligatory or undesirable. The victim will experience additional torment, suggesting that others may suspect her of assisting the perpetrator or even provoking the violence. In the XNUMXth century, the family of a suicide victim suffered from shame, while today his loved ones are more likely to experience guilt.
Boris Tsiryulnik, a well-known neuroscientist and ethologist, a specialist in human and animal behavior, explores various aspects of shame, touching on many sociocultural issues along the way. “On shame” (RIPOL classic, 2015).