The concept of personal space and its respect is somewhat alien to our culture. And only recently this “European whim” is becoming more and more clear to us.
Every personal existence rests on secrecy, and perhaps this is partly why civilized people are so nervously concerned about respecting personal secrecy.
A.P. Chekhov
This concept appeared in Russian with the light hand of our American brothers. Everything American, be it political correctness, self-realization or paying taxes, is treated with reasonable skepticism by a Russian: good, but not for our latitudes.
It is enough to squeeze into a minibus on the outskirts of Moscow to part with illusions and realize that your personal space is inside you, and not vice versa. However, even before the spread of minibuses in Soviet buses, opponents of crowding were mockingly recommended to change into a taxi.
But, as you know, “our people don’t take a taxi to the bakery.” The conclusion is obvious: we have always preferred the collective space, a kind of materialized soup of Jung’s collective unconscious. And still.
Not everything that you don’t want to hide, you want to advertise
Those who lived in a separate apartment will not return to a communal apartment of their own free will. As King Solomon said, many knowledge brings many sorrows. And for sure, it is superfluous to know what color your neighbors have underpants, and what they eat for lunch, and exactly how they call their children in polemical fervour.
Yes, of course, everything secret becomes clear, and a decent person has nothing to hide from his people. But not everything that you don’t want to hide, you want to advertise.
Gradually, two or three drawers of their own crystallize – from a bra to a diary. Inner harmony, which I would not like to explain to anyone. The time when you don’t have to look anything. In my room, in the elevator. And sometimes in the subway car. As wise children say, “I’m in the house.”
Over time, individual apartments unfold into a Western formula (n + 1), where the proportions and priorities of the newest era are expressed with the utmost clarity: n – by the number of family members – personal spaces + 1 collective.
My mother entered my room without knocking. I enter my daughter’s room by knocking, and if I forget to knock, I am reminded of this.
Let’s try to quantify the value of personal space, or rather, the growth of this value. For example, when choosing between a compartment and a reserved seat, you are, in fact, thinking about renting a door. The door turns the section of the car into a conditional one – because there is a personal space for four people.
From the point of view of a Soviet person, a dubious advantage, which is expressed in a slight increase in prices. According to the memoirs of Internet users, reserved seat Moscow – Vladivostok – 63 rubles, coupe – 79. Moscow – Leningrad, respectively, 10 and 12. Today, the price gap is on average doubled.
That is – think about it – half the price of a compartment ticket goes out the door. You begin to understand that we are not talking about imported fiction, but about deep accumulated fatigue from an improperly organized space.
Even the closest person has no right to get into my mind and teach me how to live.
In the collective and individualized space, the ratio of words and deeds changes. In the recent past, conflicts between close people rarely came from words. Much more often – from actions. For example, parents refused to register a young daughter-in-law. Or denied the amount of money at a critical moment. It turned out a crack for many years, if not forever.
With words, the situation was not so disastrous. This is not about sad and neglected family stories, when relationships, in fact, have died and words only make out this death. No, we are talking about a live conflict, when discord torments the participants. Words managed to somehow defuse, make amends. Words touched, wounded, but did not kill.
Today everything is different. Even the closest person – until I asked him about it – has no right to get into my mind, heart and soul and teach me how to live. From the outside, our conversation may look quite complacent and peaceful, but the crack caused by it can be very deep.
Your action is your right, and I respect you and your action
The internal logic is simple: you violate my personal space – therefore, you either do not respect it as a category, or you do not respect me personally. Either way, you are not to be dealt with. Old canon: love over respect. New: without respect there is no love.
Paradoxically, an act, even an unfriendly one, does not have such terrible consequences as before. The decoding of this is also transparent: your act is your right, and I respect you and your act. For example, I marry whomever I want, and you register whoever you want for your area. No basic principles are violated in the new coordinates, there are only organizational problems that can be sorted out one way or another.
The very logic of matching suggests the conclusion that is better. The hitch is that we do not have a common measurement tool. Let me just say that I, an elderly person, prefer, however, the new, integrating into it not without difficulty, but with pleasure.